All ‘Ariane’ Posts

Important Message from Ariane

Dear Friends and Fellow Change Optimists,

After two incredible years of sending out hundreds of thousands of Change Secrets emails every day, I’ve decided it’s time for a change and will stop our daily correspondence. All great things come to an end and something new follows. “From this change, something good will come,” as by now, you all know The Change Guarantee. There are many reasons for why I made this decision. Among them are these:

Some of you have shared with me that sometimes it’s too much to receive and read an email daily.

It’s a lot to think about, hard to find time to listen to an interview, and so on.

Others have said sometimes the topic isn’t relevant to them so they delete it. Still others have different reasons. I respect them all.

My personal reason is that I’ve been working on some new teachings, a new book and would like to commit to the call of my heart’s inspiration. I am feeling guided to dive deeper into the spiritual path, write about that and eventually speak and teach about what I’ve personally learned.

As a sneak peak, I will unveil a new site dedicated to any of you who are on a spiritual path and want to follow that journey. Please also let others know who are looking for a group of people with what I affectionately call, “A Foot in Both Worlds.” You can go to www.arianestudio.com and sign up for when we do launch later this summer.

If you’re wondering what will happen with the daily email on First30Days, here’s the answer. On July 1st we will stop the daily emails and continue to have more of a newsletter type of connection with all of you who want that. We won’t contact you regularly once-a-week, only when we feel there is some fantastic new content, blog posts from our experts, an inspiring story, an article everyone must know about or an event I may be attending or hosting.

If you dont want to continue to receive any mailings from us, this is a good time to say goodbye and we wish you well.
(You may click here to unsubsribe now.)

Of course, the www.first30days.com site will continue to be a place of support, inspiration, information as well as a community for anyone going through a change. We’ll offer new content, experts and resources.

Blessings and gratitude for what we’ve all been through together,
Ariane

Posted by Ariane de Bonvoisin on May 31st, 2010 in Ariane, General, New Directions | 10 comments Read related posts in change

The Nine Principles of Change

September 10–12, 2010 Friday–Sunday

The Nine Principles of Change: How to Make or Face Any Life Change with Optimism

Ariane de Bonvoisin

Adapting to change is the most important life skill you can learn. This transformative workshop with Ariane de Bonvoisin, best-selling author of The First 30 Days, is designed to help you deal with all of life’s changes—big and small, personal and professional. Change is the one constant in life, and you can learn to be resistance-free so you can handle the tough changes that come your way and pursue the changes you’ve always dreamed of.

If you want to breathe new light into your life, come discover

• The nine principles of change
• The beliefs of a “change optimist”
• How to find your “change muscle”
• Ways to recognize and overcome your “change demons,” those negative emotions that
hold you back
• How to create your change support team
• Your spiritual essence and how you can walk the spiritual path as you go through life
changes.

You will leave the workshop with a sense of peace, hope, and strength. The wisdom and skills you acquire this weekend will accompany you for the rest of your life.

Ariane de Bonvoisin, MBA, is the founder and CEO of First30Days, a New York-based media company focused on guiding people through all types of personal and professional life changes. She is author of the best-selling book, The First 30 Days: Your Guide to Making Any Change Easier. A “change optimist” who loves inspiring people to make the changes they’ve always wished they could make, Ariane has held jobs in business, music, publishing, the internet, venture capital, television, and the nonprofit world. www.first30days.com.

Posted by First 30 Days on May 19th, 2010 in Ariane, Speaking Events | No comments

The Eighth Secret of Change

Your Change Support Team

People who successfully navigate change are not alone. They surround themselves with people who can help. And they create an environment that supports their change.

When we go through change, one of the first things we feel is alone. “I am the only one going through this, no one has ever felt this bad, no one has had these three changes to deal with all at once….” These types of thoughts are very common. Many of us retreat. We don’t want to reach out and share what’s going on, let alone ask anyone for help. Our biggest flaw is that we keep thinking we are alone and that somehow we have to figure this out by ourselves: how to deal with a company falling apart because the market has changed; a parent with Alzheimers, a diagnosis, or a pending divorce. Somehow, we think our situation is unique. Very few of us are comfortable with the words, “I need help.” It’s as if these words are weak and yet both personally and professionally, they are a huge sign of power, self-esteem. When was the last time you said those words? Everyone of us gets through a change or a tough time because someone is there for us, closing the gap, cheering us on, showing us the way.

Who is on your change team? Usually it’s not your parents, spouse, or even your closest friends. They all seem to be a bit concerned when you are going through your changes, they prefer to not see you shaky or heading towards the unknown. And yet, most of us turn to these people for approval, help and permission of some sort. Don’t. Pick who you share your changes with. Many times, it’s someone you don’t know as well, or even someone brand new that might come into your life to help with a specific change. That’s normal. It’s not disloyal. When you’re making or facing a change, ask yourself if there’s someone around you that has been through a similar change? What type of people do you have around you? Remember, the five people you spend the most amount of time with have the biggest influence on every aspect of your life, the job you have, how much money you make, your weight, whom you date, if you smoke and so on. Who are your five people? Are they optimists? Do they want you to change? Who should be on your team?

When you are asking for help, remember these two words—Honesty and Specificity. You can receive quality help only if you are being honest about what’s happening for you. Be honest about the addiction. Be honest about the trouble in your relationship. Be honest about the problems at work, whatever they may be. Next, be specific about what kind of help you need from someone. Do you need financial help, a trainer, a therapist, advice on how to get healthy, help on moving or finding a new revenue model? Don’t just assume someone will know how to help or what you need. We are all wired to help each other. It’s part of our DNA. We all feel our best when we are helping, contributing, doing something for someone else. Let people be there for you. Yes, even if it brings up some shame that you aren’t perfect or have things under control. Watch the support roll in once you are able to be open, humble and willing.

There are really two types of friends or supporters that we usually have around us. Friends that get in the hole with us and friends that hand us a ladder and help us up again. The former are people who are compassionate, listen to you, agree with you, make you feel right, or even justified. These people are often loving and don’t want to rock the boat. You need a few of those. But you also need what I call, Real Sources of Help, people who don’t get in the hole with you, who don’t let you rehash your story, don’t allow you to be a victim, or blame, or be weak. People who call you on the truth, what you know, how to change something. These people can challenge you, which is why many of us avoid them. It’s easier to hang with people who don’t ask you why you still smoke, or why you’ve put on all the weight, or why you stay in a loveless marriage or a job you’ve been complaining about for years. Surround yourself with people who really do want the best for you and are committed to seeing you change a situation who may not be working for you. Basically, ask yourself, if the people around you return your power back to you, ask you the right questions, give you a safe place to land and to get unstuck, empower you, believe you can change.

People are essential during times of change, but so is creating the right space in which you live and work. Your actual physical environment can have a huge impact on facilitating change, whether it be in your team, a company, or your personal life. Look at the space you live in and work in. What’s working for you and what isn’t? What do you need to let go of? Remove? Add? What’s missing? What doesn’t represent who you are now, today? You have permission to change your environment, add a new color, a candle, a symbol, a trampoline, a photo, a plant, move the furniture, move homes, move offices. If you had no limits, how would you arrange your physical space to best support you? If it’s at work, what changes can you make? Sometimes when you change your physical surroundings, your inner state also changes. Energy flows. Ideas come. New things happen.

Our lives are all connected to each other, and to other physical objects. It matters whom we surround ourselves with, whom we spend time with, whom we listen to and reach out to. When you change, the people around you change. You may want to change your actual space in some way.

And as a final note, who in your life is going through a change? A friend, colleague, your spouse, your child…. Believe they can change. See them already as having passed through the change. Offer them a safe place to land. Give them permission to do that. Listen and don’t judge. Ask questions. Don’t give answers. Be an example for them of what’s possible, not a warning. When you change, you unconsciously give permission to others to change. When you encourage someone to make or face a change, you lift your own self in the process. Connect and stay connected.

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

Posted by Ariane de Bonvoisin on May 11th, 2010 in Ariane, New Directions, Relationships | 2 comments Read related posts in change-support team

Your Guide to Making Any Change Easier: An Interview with Ariane de Bonvoisin

We’ve all heard it takes 30 days to create a habit. How we relate to those first 30 days may make all the difference. Today I have the privilege of bringing you Ariane de Bonvoisin, author of The First 30 Days: Your Guide to Making Any Change Easier.

Ariane is also CEO and founder of first30days.com, an organization developed to help people transition through any change, whether it’s career, health, lifestyle, relocation, or personal relationship changes. She has been named MSN’s Life Change Expert and her advice is sought by thousands around the country.

Today Ariane is going to talk to us about why it’s so hard for people to make sustained changes in life, and what we can do about it.

Elisha: Your book seems to have references to mindfulness in it, the act of being present to our everyday lives while putting aside our lenses of judgment; getting in touch with the direct experience of the present moment. How do you see the first 30 days from a mindful perspective?

Ariane: Change is always an opportunity to pause, go inside, listen to our “inner microphone” and be in the present. Our lives get so busy, we live based on routines, we never really “think” we don’t want to change. So when change does happen, either by courageous choice or from life circumstances, it is asking us to be honest with what is, and also what is not working for us and our lives.

Mindfulness is about being totally aware of what our mind is feeding us during change. Usually its one of a few dominant disempowering programs: Disapproval, comparison, and perfection are the main ones. The mind is going to feed us the usual “change demons,” classic emotions that show up as well to the “change party”– fear, doubt, blame, shame, guilt and impatience. Being mindful during change is started by being aware. Aware of what emotion is getting your attention, welcoming it up, asking for its message and letting it be rather than resisting or escaping it.

Moments of change also happen to help us let go of the need for control. Control of knowing an outcome, of how we can speed things up, get out of the void, or this period of uncertainty, the unknown. Being mindful during change is simply about staying with the shakiness. From all change, something good happens. Life is on our side if we just let it be and surrender to it. It knows the way.

Elisha: In your book you mention an important practice of creating a change resume. Can you sum up for us what this is and why it’s important in helping us making real change?

Ariane: One of the 9 principles of change that I discuss in the book, is what I call “The Change Muscle.” People who are good at change know they are resilient, strong and can get through anything. Many of us will say things like, “I am bad at change, I hate change, I resist change,” when the truth is very different.

We have all gone through dozens of changes we have never acknowledged ourselves for — divorce, loss of a loved one, graduation, starting a job, losing weight, handling a health diagnosis, buying a home, moving, having a baby, forgiving someone and so on. We are focused on our professional resume when really who you are is a combination of all the changes you’ve ever made, faced and witnessed.

So I ask people to take a blank piece of paper and start writing these down….soon enough, your page will be filled with changes. Next I ask that you write down the good thing that came from each of these changes so you bring back into your conscious mind the connection between life changes and good things emerging, despite the difficulty at the time. Finally, I have people make a list of what the main thing was that helped them through — was it a person, a belief, their faith, getting healthy, time, doing things for others?

This exercise helps people get their power back. You’re the person that got through all this, so today, even though the change you’re going through now may be new, something you’ve never faced, you are not showing up without any “tools,” experiences, beliefs, ways that you have handled change in the past. You know what helped you.

Elisha: On Mondays I cite a quote or poem and explore its relevance to our everyday life. One post called 5 Quotes that Can Change Your Life listed five quotes from your book that I found particularly interesting. What are five of your favorite quotes from your book?

Ariane:

“The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.” ~ Gloria Steinem

“The single most important decision any of us ever have to make is whether to believe we live in a friendly universe,” ~Albert Einstein

“Hidden in any misfortune is good fortune.” ~Tao Te Ching

“When you argue with reality, you lose, but only 100% of the time,” ~Byron Katie

“Be patient towards all that is unsolved within your heart, and try to love the questions themselves…” ~Rainer Maria Rilke

Sometimes I just think of a question, or challenge and just open the book and read the quote that’s on the page. It’s a great way to use the book once you’ve read it.

Elisha: If you were sitting across the table from someone who was having real difficulty with making change, what advice would you give him or her to help make sustained change?

Ariane: I’d identify what the belief, excuse, story or emotion that is in the way and really shine a light on that, get it out of the shadows — what’s being resisted — and get to the root of that. The time before a change/decision is always much harder than the actual decision itself.

People aren’t changed or helped by information, but by inspiration, so I get them in touch with WHY they want to make this change. The why is the fuel, not the “how” or “by when.” Why do you want to leave a job, why do you want to pursue this dream, why do you want to loose the weight, etc.

I’d want to know who was on their “change support team.” We somehow always feel alone when we are going through change and the truth is we all get through a change because of other people being there, and believing we can make that change. And it’s often not your closest friends or family by the way. If they don’t have someone, I’d get them on our site where we have thousands going through the same change.

Finally, I’d get them to take the first step towards any positive sustained change, which is to take care of themselves, their health. It’s the SEED of all change (Sleep, Eating well, Exercising and Drinking water). When you feel healthy, in your body, you get out of your head, your self esteem rises, your power returns, you are moving these emotions through your body, you feel strong. Change happens through the body, the heart, not in the head.

Wow, thank you so much for your wisdom Ariane.

To the readers: As always please share your thoughts, stories and questions below. Your interaction provides a living wisdom for us all to benefit from.

Posted by First 30 Days on May 1st, 2010 in Ariane, First30Days Book, Global/Social Change, New Directions | No comments

We Need You

Some of you who’ve been with us on the site may know about our Talk to Us section. It’s one of the most active areas, where people share their story of change. Stories of hope, courage, stories of despair, asking for help. While we have some very loyal members and our team looks at these daily and post some tips and suggestions, we are now asking YOU to help.

If you are reading this, you are qualified! Really you are. These stories are stories many of us have been through and can relate to. They include job changes, break ups, health issues from losing weight to a diagnosis, losing a loved one, pursuing a dream. money issues…you get the picture.

It’s amazing what happens when we help each other. We all have so much wisdom to share. We’ve been through our share of changes and someone else’s life might really be helped, transformed by something you know and can share.
A few lines, a similar story with some perspective, a quote, a book to read, some love and encouragement that someone else is out there listening and reading. That’s it. Nothing more.

If you are an expert, life coach, have some specific background, share what you know.

Practically speaking, what am I requesting? Check in on the site, daily if possible. See if someone has posted a new story and if you relate to it or can help, post a comment. It should take you five minutes maximum. And it will leave you feeling like you’ve helped another soul. As a friend of mine said while she was going through a hard time, “when I go to First30Days, I feel better. I know I’ve contributed. My day goes better.”

You can see what’s been happening already. Stories generate some passionate responses and discussion and it’s time to make sure everyone gets this help from our amazing community of Change Optimists!

Consider this your new form of “community service.” We all want to volunteer and know what we do matters. Well, here are real people going through real changes who have had the courage to write their stories and wait for help and direction. And while I am describing it, if you or someone you know has a story or a question to share, please do so and encourage others to do so as well. Many people want to help.

“A small group of thoughtful people could change the world. Indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.” –Margaret Mead.

Posted by Ariane de Bonvoisin on March 25th, 2010 in Ariane, Things We Love | No comments Read related posts in helping others

Your “Half-Empty” Perspective Is Killing You

Attitude – it defines us. I remember working with a colleague who was chronically pessimistic. Whatever was said, he always found the negative. If it were a nice day, he would comment how bad weather was due. If we had success in the workplace, it was a matter of time before something failed. I chose to see the glass half full; he chose to see the glass half empty. I focused on gain, success, optimism and possibility; he focused on loss, failure, pessimism and shortage. He was a chronic downer; a vortex of negative energy. He was, however, a life lesson.

I wasn’t always optimistic. My background, like for many, taught me life was difficult; good will always be offset by bad – as if there were some required life balance of pain and pleasure. It was this colleague, however, who introduced me to seeing the negative and positive attributes in our responses, and noticing how they made me feel. His perspective reminded me of how brief life is and by focusing on the negative instead of the positive was a waste of time.

This started my interest in researching the impact of a positive attitude not only on a person’s success but on his physical and metal wellbeing. Dr. Esther Sternberg’s states in her book, The Balance Within, The Science Connecting Health and Emotions, “Perhaps if we could relearn a new set of associations, turn negative into positive, we could in some sense consciously control our health.” She continues, “The more optimistic the person, the less an event was perceived as stressful, the more robust were their immune-cell responses.” There is a direct correlation between positive emotions and a strong immune system.

This is further explained in Dr. Robert Sapolsky’s book, Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers. He presents when we are in periods of calm, our body’s systems work as they should – the heart slows allowing normal blood flow to all of the routine life systems – digestive, circulatory, excretory, reproductive. We maintain our bodies internally – we stay healthy.

However, when we encounter an event (including an emotion) that activates our fight-or-flight mechanism, different biological functions respond. Blood is called from the maintenance systems and is now directed to organs that will increase our ability to survive (blood vessels are constricted raising the speed and force of the heart’s contraction, widening air passages to the lungs, dilating the pupils for increased perception, releasing glucose into the blood for quick energy, and shifting blood from the intestinal tract to the heart and muscles – paraphrased from How We Live by Sherwin Nuland). This reaction suppresses our immune system; if sustained, this impacts our health.

It is important to note is that a negative attitude can activate the fight-or-flight response. So the office downer, the family curmudgeon, or the negative energy friend – those who are constantly focused on the “half-empty” perspective – live in a perpetual state of fight or flight. This activates the fight-or-flight systems and suppresses the immune system. Being a cynic, grump or pessimist is bad for your health.

This ties in directly with Ariane de Bonvoisin’s first principle of successfully handling change, “People who successfully navigate change have positive beliefs.” This positivity activates your health, your greater thinking and stronger positive emotions. Positivity and optimism actually create a healthier life.

Positive beliefs come from you – you may not be able to control the things that happen to you but you can control how you respond to them. You can choose to see “half-full” – upbeat, optimistic and confident – or “half-empty” – down, pessimistic and unsure.

Consider these ways to build a more positive perspective:

1. Notice when you become negative and immediately focus on something positive. Have others help you see your behavior.
2. Read a power quote or an inspirational passage to start your day on a positive tone.
3. Create an upbeat “break” during the day. Focus on 3 things that have gone well. Celebrate them. I like to use a “what went well today” list.
4. Choose your friends wisely; associate with positive and confident people.

To make the point, here are some great half-empty/half-full perspectives from the website www.businessballs.com.

• The project manager/engineer says the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
• The bar fly says is not about whether the glass is half full or half empty, it’s about who is paying for the next round.
• The consultant says let’s examine the question, prepare a strategy for an answer, and all for a daily rate of…
• The worrier frets that the remaining half will evaporate by tomorrow.
• The fanatic thinks the glass is completely full, even though it isn’t.
• The entrepreneur sees the glass as undervalued by half its potential.
• The computer specialist says that next year the glass capacity will double and will cost half the price.
• The Buddhist says don’t worry, remember the glass is already broken.
• The personal coach knows that the glass goes from full to empty depending on the circumstances, and reminds the drinker that he can always fill the glass when he wishes.
• The grammarian says that while the terms half-full and half-empty are colloquially acceptable the glass can technically be neither since both full and empty are absolute states and therefore are incapable of being halved or modified in any way.

You control your attitude. Know yourself; choose to be positive and upbeat. It is great for your happiness and your health.

Jay Forte is a motivational speaker and performance consultant. He is the author of Fire Up! Your Employees and Smoke Your Competition, The Hunt for Opportunities Success Manual and the on-line resource, Stand Out and Get Hired. He is working on his new book, Work Strong, Live Stronger. He works to connect people to their talents and passions to live fired up! More information at www.LiveFiredUp.com.

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

Posted by Jay Forte on March 7th, 2010 in Ariane, Career, Family, General, Health, Personal Stories, Things We Love | 1 comment Read related posts in fight or flight, Health, negativity, optimism, positive attitude, positivity, sapolsky, sternberg

Life Lessons from Charlie Chaplin

A friend of mine, Kerstin, sent this to me. It’s the speech that Charlie Chaplin gave on his 70th birthday. I found it beautiful and ever so true.

As I Began to Love Myself

As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering
are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth.
Today, I know, this is “AUTHENTICITY.”
As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody
As I try to force my desires on this person,
even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it,
and even though this person was me.
Today I call it “RESPECT.”
As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life,
and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow.
Today I call it “Maturity,”
As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance,
I am in the right place at the right time,
and everything happens at the exactly right moment.
So I could be calm.
Today I call it “SELF-CONFIDENCE.”
As I began to love myself I quit stealing my own time,
and I stopped designing huge projects for the future.
Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do
and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm.
Today I call it “SIMPLICITY.”
As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health—
food, people, things, situations, and everything the drew me down and away from myself.
At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism.
Today I know it is “LOVE OF ONESELF,”
As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right,
and ever since I was wrong less of the time.
Today I discovered that is “MODESTY.”
As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worry about the future.
Now, I only live for the moment, where EVERYTHING is happening.
Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it “FULFILLMENT,”
As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me
and it can make me sick.
But as I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally.
Today I call this connection “WISDOM OF THE HEART.”
We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems
with ourselves or others.
Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born.
Today I know THAT IS “LIFE”!

Please pass this onto your friends and family. This is a special reminder of what life is trying to teach us, what it’s really about, what we eventually all come to learn. Be gentle on yourself and light on life. No more disapproval of self. It’s the biggest obstacle to your dreams. Doing so, you’ll be able to access all that happiness and joy that is just below that inner critical voice.

Posted by Ariane de Bonvoisin on February 23rd, 2010 in Ariane, Global/Social Change, Health, Personal Stories, Spirituality | 3 comments Read related posts in change, personal happiness

The Seventh Secret of Change

Finding your Spirit where tranquility, ideas and wisdom live.

People who successfully navigate change know they are connected to something bigger than themselves.

When everything around you is changing, look for that part of yourself that doesn’t change, the part that is calm, centered and always there.

You can tell people who have Spirit. You can also tell companies that have Spirit. Nothing religious going on here, its just a sense of aliveness, of joy, of doing something that matters, that makes a difference, that helps. It’s a commitment to going beyond the material, the rules, what’s expected and going with a different form of guidance. Often it’s inner guidance, a nudge, a knowing of the right thing to do next, a strong intuition. We all put far greater value on intellect, on the mind, we cling to being clever, on knowing. Finding your spiritual side is about being open to not knowing, to being empty so that a new idea, direction, person can come into your life. It’s about finding a different sense of peace, tranquility that doesn’t depend on getting a deal, making the money or any form of external marker.

All great leaders, heroes, athletes, regular people who have touched us in some way believe in something greater. They don’t all define it the same way, or have the same word for it, but everyone I have interviewed eventually says some version of “something bigger was going on.” All types of change, whether it is personal or professional at some stage make us go looking on the inside. We find ourselves reconnecting to our intuition, our heart, our faith, our connection with another part of our self, perhaps our “higher self” that we have so often forgotten.

Infusing life and our work or business with spirit is about going with our intuitions, that part of us that is connected to a different, unnamable source of wisdom. It’s about a different intention that goes beyond “getting something” but is about “giving something,” helping, serving, contributing to our fellow human beings. It’s about bringing the energy of kindness, care, love if that doesn’t scare us, to everything we do and everyone we interact with. As Plato said “Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle.” What the world and business need now is a lot more gentleness, gentleness starting even in our communication, emails we send to people, how we interact with the world. We need gentleness with ourselves, stopping the disapproval energy that runs our lives! It’s about stopping the “perfection” cycle and giving ourselves permission to be human.

How do we do this? We start with being comfortable with silence, going inside, taking some time to check in with how something is feeling. Does the deal feel right? Does the website design feel in line with our intuitions? Does this person we want to hire feel right? We feel OK doing nothing, allowing ideas, insights to come through when our minds are not overly busy. We find moments of taking away the incessant noise all around us. Yes, some people call that meditation but that word is also loaded with connotations of sitting in a lotus position chanting. Meditation is only about being with ourselves, away from any distractions, getting back in touch with different parts of ourselves, hearing our deeper truths, re-aligning some aspects of our lives. Infusing our lives and work with Spirit is also about finding our intentions for why we are doing what we are doing. What guides our choices and really our lives? Is it about wanting more or giving more? Power moves through those who serve, not those who are out to get more. Ironically, when we don’t focus on getting approval, or money or fame, that’s often the time when it comes to you in spades.

Finding our spiritual side is about a bigger sense of meaning as to what we have come here to experience. The best advertisement for the spiritual path isn’t about doing a yoga class once a week, wearing a spiritual piece of jewelry or even going to church. The best ad is about being kinder, more compassionate to others, finding any which way to help. We need to ask ourselves, who needs our help today? We are loaded with gifts, ideas, connections that can help others do something good in the world.

I ask myself that question everyday and in so doing, it’s remarkable how many of my challenges, hurdles also get taken care of in parallel. My quiet silent time to be with Spirit, is what I call a “non-negotiable” (together with my health). This means no one and nothing touches this. I don’t start the day before attending to these. They come above everything for me and ensure that I’m effective in all areas of my life.

What are your non-negotiables? How much spirit is alive in your organization or family or job? What feels right as something to get started on to reconnect with this part of yourself that runs through you whether you acknowledge it or not? If you find your spiritual side, the part of you that never changes, is always there, detached from any drama, then life on the outside will become calmer. You will then be plugged into a different source of energy, not only the “little me” trying to keep everything under control, but the bigger source that powers life and nature, that part you may not fully understand, that source where anything is possible and you are not limited by disempowering thoughts or beliefs. Nurture that relationship.

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

Posted by Ariane de Bonvoisin on February 17th, 2010 in Ariane, New Directions, Spirituality, Uncategorized | No comments Read related posts in principles of change

Lessons from Teaching at a School

I am still here in South Africa and had one of the most rewarding experiences ever last week. I was invited to teach the 9 Principles of Change in a wonderful school in Johannesburg, called The African Leadership Academy. They sponsor kids from the 53 countries of Africa for the last two years of high school and show them the way to be future leaders of this great continent. The students were between the ages of 16-18, yet every one of them has a wisdom and depth that was truly remarkable.

We discussed the most difficult changes they’ve had to face so far — many of them having lost loved ones — the change they are most excited about making, going to college, starting businesses, contributing and also their most helpful beliefs. Many of them centered around faith and help from others. The students were a lively bunch and participated a lot as we went through each of the principles one by one.

There’s something magical about teaching anything you know or have some experience with. We are so much more comfortable being the students in life, and yet, how easily we forget that we really are expert sin something. Our stories are really our experiences. There’s someone or a group that needs to hear from us. Volunteer. Find a local school and go ask to teach. I am sure they will welcome you.

Power moves through those who serve. I felt a lot of power moving through me that evening when we spent close to three hours all together. These students are so hungry for knowledge, life skills, not more advanced calculus. They want to believe they are big enough to make a real difference and they are.

The students are full of life, giggling, smiling. I read somewhere that the average African laughs more in a week than Americans do in a month. That’s crazy. What really surprised me was how polite the Africans are, how present they are towards their fellow students, full of respect and dignity. Everyone feels welcome, heard, seen here.

I’ve attached a few photos so you can see the lovely energy among the students.

I leave you with this thought. What do you have to teach? And where can you do that in your community?

Remember, it doesn’t have to be something major. Maybe you lost weight, started a business, quit smoking, built a website, overcame something difficult. Someone needs to hear your story. As one young man said at the end of my workshop, “I’ve been feeling so much fear for so many years, and what you said has allowed me to feel peace again. I’ve been waiting for years to hear this.”

Nothing can beat that kind of impact on another soul’s life. Go out and serve your fellow beings.

And if you haven’t gotten the book, please do so. It’s not too late!

Posted by Ariane de Bonvoisin on January 18th, 2010 in Ariane, Global/Social Change | 2 comments Read related posts in helping others, teaching

The Miracle Is You!

This is from my dear friend Kute Blackson, a soul brother and someone I adore. This is taken from his wonderful CD, Love Now.

When you were first conceived, you were a double strand of DNA in a fertilized ovum. Dividing 50 times, and you had over 100 trillion cells. More than all the stars in the Milky Way. Then, you were born into existence.

Each of your cells do over six trillion things per second. Just think how a human body knows how to kill germs, digest, make babies, and talk, all at the same time.

The miracle is you.
The miracle is you.
Your heart beats 101,000 times per day.
During your life it will beat 300 million times.
Each day you take 23,000 breaths.
Your blood travels 60,000 miles each day on its journey through the body.
25 million cells are being produced in your body each second.
You blink at least 15,000 times per day.
Your brain has about 100 billion nerve cells.
If all your DNA was stretched out it would reach the moon 6000 times.
You shed 600,000 particles of skin every hour.
Your bones are four times stronger than concrete.
Your eyes can distinguish up to one million color surfaces, and take in more information than the largest telescope in the world.
Your lungs inhale over two million liters of air daily.
When you touch anything, a message is sent to your brain at 124 mph.
Your skin consists of 280,000 heat receptors.
The length of your blood vessels would circle the globe 2½ times.
You have the ability to distinguish up to 10,000 different smells.
Your tongue has over 10,000 taste buds.

The miracle is you.
The miracle is you.

Listen to the music.
Listen to the music.
Deep inside.

Listen to the music.
Listen to the music.
Deep inside.

There are universes dancing inside your body.
There are sunsets shining in your heart.
There are symphonies playing in your toes.
Rivers of blood effortlessly flows.
There is a full moon beaming in your belly button.
There is a cool breeze blowing in your lungs.
There is a gentle rain that falls from your eyes.
There is an army of love in every step.
There is love making in your every motion.

A body of devotion.

The miracle is you.
The miracle is you.

So realize.
Visualize.
It’s all inside.

A galaxy of amazement.

Should you ever forget.
Just close your eyes.
And

Listen to the music.
Listen to the music.
Deep inside.

Listen to the music.
Listen to the music.
Deep inside.

The miracle is you.
The miracle is you.

www.kuteblackson.com

Posted by Ariane de Bonvoisin on January 17th, 2010 in Ariane, New Directions | 2 comments Read related posts in the miracle