Posts by Ariane de Bonvoisin

Your New Year To-Do List for Yourself

Here are some important things to do if you want to do a little bit of inner work on yourself and welcome the New Year with a sense of peace and calmness:

-Write a letter to yourself. Have it come from your Higher Self. Go through what happened last year, what the wiser part of you would tell you.

-Write a letter to anyone whom you feel incomplete with and need closure. Don’t send it. Write it for yourself, for your healing. Say what needs to be said.

-Forgive someone who hurt you this year. Give yourself this gift. You can do this in person, over the phone, or just quietly in your own space. Include yourself in this exercise. What do you need to forgive yourself for from this past year? What mistake? What regret? What action?

-Accept your family members exactly the way they are. Have no expectations that they will be different for these holidays or any to come in this new year. Do not expect them to understand you or any choices/decisions you’ve made or are planning to make.

-Figure out the few things you do to re-energize yourself and follow through with doing this in the coming year. What is it for you? Nature? Working out? Sleeping in? Prayer and meditation? Writing? Be clear on what you need more of.

-What’s the worst thing you tell yourself? What’s the number-one excuse that gets in your way? Write it down, make friends with it. Ask yourself, “is this really really true?” Who would you be and what would you do without this excuse?

Posted by Ariane de Bonvoisin on January 4th, 2010 in Ariane, New Directions | 3 comments Read related posts in forgiveness, self-esteem

Your Personal 2009 Inventory

The end of another year can bring up some tough times for many of us. We blame ourselves for the weight we put on. We criticize ourselves for the dream we didn’t pursue. We realize that we are yet again single for the holidays or we have racked up more debt. Whatever our demon is, we tend easily to forget a lot of what happened that led us to make our decisions. So let’s take a very different look back at 2009.

Here are 10 questions to ask yourself that will radically change your view on this past year.

1) Whom did I meet this year who is now in my life?
2) What emotion really caused me to grow? Courage? Faith?
3) What emotion was I unafraid to feel? Fear? Sadness?
4) What am I most proud of?
5) In what area of my life did I really make some progress?
6) What did I do that completely surprised me and was unexpected to me?
7) Whom did I really help?
8) What is the biggest lesson I really faced?
9) What am I most grateful for?
10) What were the most fun times I had?

We get what we focus on. So despite the impossibly super-human standards we set for ourselves, we need to take a moment to realize what we gave to others, what went well, what worked out, what lesson life wanted us to learn this year, and what gifts were hidden that we could not possibly have predicted 12 months ago.

There are years for action and years for reflection. There are years for love and years for alone time. There are years for giving and years for receiving.

Be gentle on yourself and light on life.

Posted by Ariane de Bonvoisin on December 29th, 2009 in Ariane, Personal Stories | 2 comments Read related posts in Perspectives on 2009

Preparing for 2010

I recently received this article and wanted to share it with everyone. It tries to explain the bigger planetary-level changes that are going on. We must be aware of these and how they may affect us personally. Since I am always searching for ways to help us transition through these interesting times we live in, I think this piece is an interesting summary and perspective on what many of us are either already feeling or hearing about. The author is an evolutionary astrologer Maurice Fernandez.

Greetings! I feel compelled to write this note about what we astrologers are seeing coming. We are in the beginning of a very unique time in history that will redefine the foundations of our lives. The astrological circumstances are uncommon and very dramatic. Change is likely to affect every level of our being, even though each person will feel it differently and in varying degrees of intensity.

I’m writing this note so that you may make better use of this time and understand what it is about. As astrologers we are aware of cycles that affect our existence. Because this coming cycle is very unique, I feel it is important to share this information. I will try to keep it simple and not burden you with a long text and excessive details.

There are multiple planetary bodies that are gradually forming a very particular and rare alignment. This configuration began to form during the fall of 2008. Politically, that time was when the economical crisis exploded and when U. S. President Barack Obama was elected.

The configuration will move into a second phase during November 2009 and January/February 2010. (Saturn will move into the Cardinal sign of Libra and will form powerful angle to Pluto in Capricorn.)

The third phase is probably the most dramatic and intense, and will occur from the end of June to the end of July 2010, when all the factors of the configuration will align together in a cross at the very beginning of Cardinal signs in astrology. (Cardinal signs are the signs of new cycles. The planets in questions are Pluto, Uranus, Saturn, Jupiter, and Mars.) These planets are slow-moving bodies and therefore it is absolutely exceptional that these slow-moving bodies end up all aligned in a cross on these very sensitive degrees!

In normal circumstances, some people go through changes while others continue their routine. Here the alignment is so strong and dramatic that everyone’s life can be considerably affected. It is likely that your life will not be the same by fall 2010! The question that often arises is this. “Is it bad, or is it good?” The answer is that it depends on the way one deals with the events. A conscious approach can make a difference.

One thing is certain: Do not expect security, consistency, and predictability during this time. Reality is bound to change fast and so it is better to move with the flow, while remaining conscious of what is going on. Flexibility is one of the most important assets during this time. This influence is analogous to a gigantic wave forming. You can ride on that wave and go farther than ever expected—experience a powerful transformation that can elevate you to new grounds. But this wave can also destroy a lot of what you are currently attached to.

Redefinition may occur in different fields. You may change vocation, relationships, location, mindsets, to name but a few fields. New people will move into your life, current ones may leave. New ideas and projects will develop and you may feel inspired to completely reinvent yourself! The cards are re-shuffled! This is a time of an awakening, a revolution—an internal and social revolution.

Everything is shaking up—everything. From November 2009 until August 2010, nothing will stay still. It can be very good, but you have to learn to navigate these changes and seize opportunity when it comes. Don’t try to have it all perfect. Don’t try to keep the cake and eat it. Change can take you to a completely new and perhaps higher level of what you are about, but you will have to let go of your security during this time. It is a time for risk, reinvention, new ideas, new concepts, new vision, and the impetus to make it happen.

Marriages may break, jobs and possessions may be lost. People may get sick, and simultaneously, new relationships may emerge, new passions may awaken. A completely new lifestyle is in the making. You are embarking on an adventure whether you know it or not, whether you like it or not. My suggestion is to make peace with the idea. Don’t resist the adventure. If you accept it, you will make the best of it. If you fight and resist it, you won’t win. This is what I mean by being open to risk-taking. It may be time to take that “plunge!”

Risking does not mean giving in to every silly venture. It is about hearing a calling for truth about the things you have denied, postponed, avoided, feared. These are things you know were true. This is a time to be more truthful and to follow a calling.

Collectively, while the forces of corruption and manipulation may attempt to control the course of events, they are bound to disintegrate. Scandals will continue to hit the news. Natural events will continue to shake the earth. At worst, a war may break during summer 2010 or later because dramatic changes can spur fear and conflict. But it does not have to go that way. We are creators of our own destiny in the midst of the given circumstances.

As you go through these changes, it is crucial that you take good care of your immune system because as positive as the long-term changes may be, they can overwhelm you and weaken your immune system. Here are basic tips that can keep you grounded. Eat more healthy foods, avoid fast sugar, ingest raw garlic and onions daily—for example, in a sandwich—exercise, take time out of the intensity loop, do not let negativity take over.

This is important: The situation heating up is like a piece of molten iron that can be beaten into a better form—personally and collectively. Be an ambassador of good and avoid wasting time on trivial details. For example, as we see the earth being depleted and all resources and species dwindling, people waste time arguing if global warming is or is not happening, if it is man-made or not! IT DOESN’T MATTER! What matters is that the natural world is vanishing before our eyes because of our misaligned actions. Excessive pollution, deforestation, and peaking toxicity levels are a reality beyond global-warming debates.

Similarly, the economy is not likely to stabilize any time soon, perhaps necessarily so. And so it will be with many other aspects of your life. You will not have immediate answers. Be patient and keep doing your best. When the cycle will complete, new circumstances will emerge. This cannot be artificially rushed. These dramatic times are an opportunity for us to restructure our lives, personally and collectively. As many things are being redefined, we can relinquish bad habits and attachments, open up to new ideas, and invest in what works rather than settle for immediate gratification. Patience is another essential asset.

In this context, do not expect others to change for the better if you won’t do it yourself. We blame the governments and project our frustration on distant “evils,” but fail to open our own hearts. Being pro-active may work better than being self-righteous.

Posted by Ariane de Bonvoisin on December 28th, 2009 in Ariane, Global/Social Change | 2 comments

The Fifth Secret of Change

People who successfully navigate change know that the quicker they accept change, the less pain and hardship there will be.

Resisting change is never the answer, and yet, we all do it. We resist the new boss. We resist the expense cuts. We resist the new strategy from the top or job responsibilities we didn’t really sign up for. We resist the fact that we lost money. We resist that we are getting older! But as one of my favorite quote (by Byron Katie) says, “when you argue with reality, you lose, but only 100% of the time!”

People who successfully navigate change know that the quicker they accept a situation, the less painful it will be.

The image I like to share is of being in a river. Change is about going in the direction of the river. What makes change hard is when something we don’t quite expect or see as a positive happens. We desperately cling to a rock—we don’t know how things are going to turn out so we prefer keeping things at least as they are. We don’t switch gears. We don’t focus on what to do now. Instead we beat ourselves up or, worse, we start rowing back upstream. We want the team back, the job back, the relationship back. Remember this. Everything that is right for you now is ahead of you, downstream. We often longingly look back to how things were. Let go of the way you think life should be or work should be or the company should be. The quicker you can get to a place where you can accept whatever has happened, the less tough it will be for you. Don’t resist the momentum even if it looks totally different than what you were planning.

Acceptance comes in two forms, accepting yourself and accepting whatever may be happening to you personally, professionally and financially. Accepting yourself means allowing yourself to be human, to get it less-than-right, to make a poor decision, to miss out on an opportunity or deal, to accept how you look, to accept your strengths and weaknesses. How much time do you waste beating up on yourself, kicking yourself, telling yourself negative stuff. Ask yourself, what part of yourself don’t you accept?

Then, ask yourself what you still need to accept in your life. Did you miss out on the stock rally? Have you put on weight? Were you were dumped or fired? When you resist, you give these situations more power. When you don’t accept something, it’s like trying to drive forward with your parking brake still on.

Finally, ask yourself who do you need to accept? Is it your spouse, boss, an annoying colleague, a parent? When the people around you feel accepted, that’s surprisingly when they then start to change. Perhaps you are having a challenge with many people right now in your life. So, focus on accepting them completely instead of hoping they will change and watch what happens.

Allow things to be as they are and you’ll see where change really happens.

Posted by Ariane de Bonvoisin on December 26th, 2009 in Ariane, Global/Social Change | No comments Read related posts in acceptance

The Fourth Secret of Change

Let’s think about Change Demons.

People who successfully navigate change give themselves permission to be human. They feel their emotions and know how to move through them. (Companies also fit themselves under this statement.)

Getting through a tough change isn’t about “thinking” yourself through it. It isn’t about an action plan, three steps, here they are, boom. It isn’t either about being all tough and logical. What I’ve found from thousands of interviews is the opposite actually. People who get through those tough life changes are much more human than you imagine. They feel, they’re scared, they doubt, they worry, they’re angry, they’re impatient, they blame, they feel guilty, they’re ashamed. The list of typical emotions, what I call our “change demons” is a long one.

You are meant to feel your way through change initially, not think your way through change. The emotion you are most resisting right now is the emotion that is ruling your life. It’s the emotion that isn’t allowing the next thing to show up. Feeling again is the first step to getting through change. You find your power in your feelings. It’s where energy starts moving again. Energy doesn’t move in your head or thoughts. That’s where it gets stuck. People get sick from not feeling an emotion and instead burying it somewhere in their body. (Companies get sick from not addressing their employees’ emotions, too.)

Identify the feeling that is coming up. Is it self-blame? Is it fear? Is it powerlessness? What is your go-to emotion during change? Next ask yourself, what is the emotion you would do anything to avoid? That’s the one you need to address.

Whether it’s losing a job or a deal or a relationship or facing a health issue, the classic emotions of change are still the same. The way to go beyond these is to find the antidote. Take fear for example. The antidote is faith, faith in life, in yourself, in your team, in God, in things eventually turning around for you. Something needs to be bigger than your fear. Where do you really find your safety net?

Those uncomfortable emotions have always led the way. When you tune into your intuition—the tightness in your stomach over a job decision, the stress you feel, your sleepless nights—into what emotion is trying so hard to get your attention, only then do you find some peace. Your change demons are sending you a wake-up call to make some new decisions, to honor your intuition, to face the consequences, to get honest.

People aren’t changed by information. They are changed by inspiration, by having their emotions shaken and moved. Remember that. Think of artists, singers, teachers, even some of our politicians. All they do begins and ends with emotions, with getting in touch with feelings. Emotions change a business. Emotions create customers. Emotions are like fuel during change. Welcome them. They’re not to be feared. It’s a positive sign when they are getting your attention. It means there’s something for you to learn, realize, change, get honest about, make a decision about, and find a more empowering emotional response for than to find some stability in.

Still, there’s no need to welcome every emotion to the party. So when fear shows up, you can exercise some control over whether you invite its friends—blame, anger, resentment, embarrassment, and terror to the party—and then feed them and let them stay as long as they like. That ’s the part you control. Change Optimists as I like to call them feel their full range of emotions. Like they do, give yourself full permission to be human if you are serious about getting through a change now.

Companies also go through their own “change demons.” See if you can identify what emotion your company, or team is maybe stuck in. Give everyone permission to voice this, feel this and only then will you and they be able to move through to a better place.

Posted by Ariane de Bonvoisin on December 21st, 2009 in Ariane, Career, New Directions | 1 comment Read related posts in Change Demons

Mandela and Perspectives on Time

As many of you know who follow me on Twitter and Facebook—@clickariane and arianedebonvoisin if you would like to—I am currently in South Africa, one of my most favorite countries, writing my next book.

Today, I took the ferry to Robben Island, the maximum security prison where Nelson Mandela and many other political prisoners (including Zuma, the current President), were imprisoned. Robben Island is about 40 minutes by boat from the gorgeous city of Capetown, which is a real paradox. It’s one of the most beautiful cities in the world and yet a few minutes away on an island stands the former site of one of the harshest places on earth.

We were taken to Mandela’s cell which is about 6 feet by 7 feet wide. He had no bed, a simple rough blanket on the floor, and a red bucket to use as a toilet. He worked eight hours a day in the harsh sun in a limestone quarry that nearly made him blind. Here is a man who slept on the floor, ate the same food every day, and was kind, graceful and patient for 27 years!

I found it nearly impossible for my tiny limited mind to comprehend those facts. My mind had an even harder time with the fact that when he was released from jail, he had already forgiven his wardens, those captors who had tortured him for close to three decades. Reconciliation started while he was still in prison. The depth of his forgiveness towards someone who took 27 years of his life away completely, is simply stunning. It made me really face a few things. Who are the people I still need to forgive? Do I really have a good reason not to have forgiven them yet? Please ask yourself that. If Mandela can be in jail for 27 years and come out not holding a grudge and with a heart full of love and compassion, we all can as well.

And secondly, why is it that I am so impatient, as if time is running out? Am I having trouble adjusting to getting old, or somehow haven’t I done things fast enough? My visit today put a good perspective on what it means to have a bad day, week, month or even year. Mandela had 27 years of bad days. We need to enjoy every moment we have. We are free. We need to look at our “little me” problems and maybe think bigger.

Not once did he ever think he would be free, let alone vote, let alone be president of the country, win the nobel peace prize, and so on.

Here’s a question for all of us: What is it that we’ve decided will and can never happen? Let’s invest it just a tiny shred of possibility. Really we have no idea what’s around the corner.

And never ever underestimate the power of the human spirit. I truly have no words to describe what I saw and felt today. So forgive me.

I’ve added two photos to my blog this time. In the long shot, the window to the far right is Mandela’s cell. Plus, I’ve included a photo of the inside of his cell.

Posted by Ariane de Bonvoisin on December 17th, 2009 in Ariane, Personal Stories | 3 comments Read related posts in Nelson Mandela

The Third Secret of Change

How strong is your change muscle?

People who successfully navigate change know they are resilient, strong and capable of getting through anything. Period.

No victim, poor-me, blame-something-or-someone attitude, life-is-against-me, no putting yourself down for bad decisions or regrets.

You have a “change muscle,” as i affectionately call it, that part of you that can and will get you through anything. It’s the strength that’s right there in your DNA. Think about it, in the first nine months of your life, you went through more change than you ever will in the rest of your life. Your body is made for change. If it didn’t change every second, you would die.

It’s the same with life. “Change is the law of life.” It must happen, you must allow it to happen. Remember, if you’re in a bad situation, don’t worry it will change. And if you’re in a good situation, don’t worry it will also change!

Your change muscle is the strength that is accumulated from all the changes you’ve been through, the big changes you’ve faced, the ones you’ve initiated, the changes you’ve helped someone else with. Your change muscle has a memory. It remembers every change you’ve made and faced. The change you are facing today may be new, but you don’t show up naked with no resources. You have a part of you that knows exactly how to get through change, you have beliefs, people, insights—in other words, a toolbox. That’s the part you activate now.

The change muscle is like any other muscle. You use it, flex it when you need to dig deep. People are always surprised at how strong they really are.

Remember, the very best of who you are comes out during times of change and transition, not during times of stability.

So many people tell me some version of the following: “I hate change,” “I’m bad at change.” Here’s the truth. Your whole life to date is a combination of change. You’ve just not seen it that way. You have what I call a “change resume.” It’s full of change. You may have graduated, found a job, lost a job, fallen in love, broken up, married, had a child, gone through a health diagnosis, lost weight, quit smoking, bought a home, lost a loved one, gotten out of debt and so on. For every one of these changes, you used your change muscle—your inner and outer resources—to get through it. Each of us has a very defining moment of a change we didn’t think we’d get through. I call this the “Kili moment” after an experience I had on Mt. Kilimanjaro at base camp at 18,000 feet where I had to do something crazy to survive. (For more information on that story, pick up my book!)

What is your Kili moment, that time when you had to pull on every ounce of courage, faith, strength and initiative to get through something? Honor that. That’s you! That part of you is available at anytime you choose to face something tough or to be bold and make a change you know you’ve been craving. Leaders get through change and tough times by being bigger than their obstacles even though they may appear fixed or permanent, and by changing themselves first, re-thinking what’s possible, and using their change muscle so that they can then change their personal or professional environment.

Posted by Ariane de Bonvoisin on December 11th, 2009 in Ariane, New Directions | No comments Read related posts in Change muscle

The Second Secret of Change

Principle 2: The Change Guarantee: From this situation something good will come. (Write this down somewhere visible!)

People who successfully navigate change know that change always brings something positive into their lives. Every change has something good associated with it eventually. Often the reason why something is happening is not clear, and it’s certainly not immediate. Sometimes it might take years for you to look back and know “I now see why this happened the way it did.”

When change happens, the first word out of our mouths is “WHY?” Why did this happen to me? Why did I lose the deal, not get the promotion, not get the job, get dumped, lose the money? If you’re in the why mode, consider asking a different question. What for? What could be good about this? What could I go ahead and do differently now? What opportunity is now available to me? How can I make this worth something? What am I really learning from all this? The quicker you answer these questions, the quicker your situation will turnaround. People who are good at change do not earn an Oscar in the self pity/poor me/victim/blame category.

Believe me, I’ve asked people who’ve lost loved ones, seen their businesses go bankrupt and their health be threatened and I have always gotten them to answer—what good came from this?
Here’s where it gets interesting. Most people think life is against them, trying to piss them off, that they are unlucky, that things don’t work out for them. Einstein said that “the most important decision we will ever make in our lives is whether we believe we live in a friendly or an unfriendly universe.” If you want to get good at change, you must believe life is your partner, on your side, conspiring for greater good stuff coming into your life, despite the apparent immediate loss it might seem to be. Change isn’t there to hurt, anger or annoy you. It’s there to bring new things to you, new people, jobs and opportunities. Always. “Hidden in any misfortune is good fortune” (Tao Te Ching).

The mindset of folks who are good at change is one of Abundance. There are more jobs, more money, more intimate partners, more deals. You can immediately tell if someone lives in scarcity or abundance. Which one are you? What about the people around you who work with you?

Endings always yield new beginnings. When you get good at change, you become an expert in letting go, in not clinging, in not controlling things as they unfold. In the middle of change, become comfortable with the temporary in-between period. Rushing to fill the void with the first job, relationship or deal that shows up doesn’t yield success. There is no rush, despite how you feel. Those who can delay instant solutions and gratification are always rewarded.

Here’s one last thing to think about. The core of who you are comes from new experiences. Not from keeping everything together perfectly. The very best of you shows up during times of change and what you allow change to teach you and give you next.

Posted by Ariane de Bonvoisin on December 4th, 2009 in Ariane, Global/Social Change | No comments Read related posts in change guarantee

Things You Can Control During Transitions and Change!

I did a radio interview with a great guy called Jim Lobaito the other night. He shared with me this list below and I so loved it, I asked him if I could post it on my site.

When we go through change, we desperately try to control things, the outcome, other people, how long the transition is taking. There are only a few things we can really control as you will see below. Chapter 6 in my book is all about trying to control change specifically. Enjoy the list and spread it around to anyone you know going through change.

Read more »

Posted by Ariane de Bonvoisin on December 2nd, 2009 in Ariane, Health | 2 comments Read related posts in performance, transition

A Spiritual Conspiracy

The word conspiracy means really to “breathe together.” I was sent this poem and wanted to share it as it applies to so many who are part of what I call “the change movement.” Each of you is taking a stand for change, being an example whether in yourself, your family, your workplace, or your community. Thank you for what you do, who you are and your work in the world. You know who you are.

Read the poem,

Posted by Ariane de Bonvoisin on December 2nd, 2009 in Ariane, New Directions | 1 comment Read related posts in poetry