1) Follow our heart’s longing and inspiration. Do what we want not what we should.
Ever since we were young, we’ve been told what we should do, what we should eat, what time we should go to bed, what work we should eventually grow up to do. It’s no surprise that so many of us find it hard even to get in touch with what we want, what our hearts want to do. It’s often hidden behind years of stories about why we can’t. We have excuses and even people’s opinions that stand in our way.

We all know what it feels like when something “feels” right. Our bodies let us know. There’s no tension, no contraction, no stress. Start small. What do you “want” to wear? What do you want to do on the weekend? What do you want to read? Then you can move onto the next questions. Where do you want to live? What type of work do you want to be doing with your life? What type of relationship/friendships do you want to have? Set your intention to establish a life plan that only brings you meaning into your life and that anything else fall away in its natural course.

2) Stop any disapproval/perfection/comparison programs.
These programs run our lives, the software of our everyday choices. We find dozens of ways to disapprove of ourselves. We try to be perfect or we compare our lives to others. Our inner critic at least has a full-time job!

If you want to add meaning to your life, start becoming aware of when one of these three programs is running or being activated. Shine a light on it. Realize that’s what’s happening. When the voice of disapproval goes quiet, that’s when you start accessing joy and meaning. It’s there all the time. It’s just not reachable without seeing what’s in the way. When you focus on it, you start seeing it. You literally have an escrow account of joy and meaning that is already within you, waiting to be experienced once these programs start losing their a grip on your life. Be gentle on yourself and light on life. Accept your humanness and also others’.

3) Slow down and stop your crazy deadlines.
We are all rushing, somewhere, to do something. Why is that? What are we trying to do? We need to find meaning in something. Ironically, when we slow down, we see meaning in everything. We aren’t trying to fill our emptiness. We notice things, a gesture, an animal, a sunset, a sweet exchange. We see what’s beautiful, magical. One of the things that most controls our lives is time—the clock. It lets us know if we are late, if we have achieved enough by whatever age we are, or if we are finally allowed to slow down and start enjoying our lives.

So stop looking at your watch for direction. There’s another part of you, your intuition, your inner listener who is constantly trying to get your attention. It knows what matters. It’s connected to your truth. It is a source of peace, tranquility and wisdom. Many of us fail at any of our goals only because we have imposed a crazy deadline on ourselves. We simply don’t give ourselves enough time. The runway is too short for anything to take off. People who are good at change, get their goals, find deeper meaning in their lives and have a very different relationship with time. Give yourself twice as long, or simply don’t determine your life on a few numbers.

4) Take items off your plate.
We are all focused on adding things to our lives, a bit more health, a bit more money, a few more hobbies. Start asking yourself what should not be on your plate anymore? What should you NOT do with your life? What’s your biggest distraction? What would you like not to do anymore? What brings you no meaning or joy? The door is always open to end anything. Really it is. It’s your mind that sees it as shut. The illusion of fear is what becomes real then. What do you want to have on your plate? What are your non-negotiables, things that no one, no job, nothing should touch? Those are what you want to be focusing on. Remember, your mind is a creative instrument so whatever you put your attention to expands.

5) Be self-nurturing.
We are all good at doing things for others, working hard, being there for our friends and family. And most of us are terrible at being there for ourselves. Our ability to do any self nurturing is low. And we aren’t talking about a manicure, a pedicure or a trip to the gym here. I am talking about what you feel you need: more sleep, healthier food, time to meditate and be silent, time in nature, the ability to read a book and so on. Schedule your time like you would any other important meeting. When your cup is full, when you’ve taken care of your needs, then the world can have some. You can’t give what you don’t have.

6) Know why you do what you do and you will have a sense of purpose and direction.
When was the last time you asked yourself a deeper question? Why are you here? What’s this all about? What matters? What’s a good use of my time? Am I not more than just a woman, married to this person, doing this job? We fear some of these questions thinking our life will fall apart if we get too deep and philosophical. But what is more important than to get fascinated with the journey of a lifetime? How does life work? How does the mind work? People who feel their lives are full of meaning are growing, they are learning, questioning everything, unlearning things they thought to be true. As with anything, when you feel you are growing, things feel good. When you are trying to keep everything the same, protect what you have, meaning is far away. Pick up a different type of book, maybe one about higher truth, wisdom, spiritual principles of the ages. Let your heart and mind ponder something new.

7) Start looking for ways to serve and contribute to your fellow human beings.
There is nothing that will bring you a sense of meaning more than this. Power moves through those who serve. All fulfillment comes from feeling connected to others and giving from the heart, once you’ve taken care of yourself! ☺

Really listen to others. Give them a safe space to share, to express themselves. Then, accept them as they are. That’s what we are all craving. Afterward your days will be filled with meaning when your energy starts going out towards others, rather than in the “me, me me” direction all the time. Meaning does not come from satisfying little me. It comes from knowing your life matters and from others who are touched and moved emotionally by your presence.

8) Surround yourself with people who are motivated and meaningful to you.
The biggest influence on your day-to-day life are the five people you spend the most amount of time with! Who are your five? Start being conscious of who surrounds you. Are they optimists or complainers? Are they excited about life? Are they givers? Do they believe in you and want you to change or do they prefer you staying the same, just to make them feel comfortable? Have a plan of action. Write down what you want to focus on, share it with others so that they can encourage you and hold you to your new standard. This isn’t about accountability but about lovingly reminding you of what’s most important to you.

When we start moving away from the mundane and the conventional pull to acquire things toward life directions that you’ll love to take and are consciously choosing, meaning comes flooding in. Yes it means some decisions, some fear, some explaining to others perhaps. The time before a decision is much harder than the decision itself. So commit to a small goal, take something off your plate that isn’t working for you anymore, get excited about something else now, who you are becoming today not who you used to be. It’s amazing the progress you can observe day by day. When you are inspired by something, a job, a goal, a person, a way of living in the world, your spiritual beliefs, every area of your life benefits so it’s never selfish to start with you!

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

After two incredible years of sending out hundreds of thousands of Change Secrets emails every day, I’ve decided it’s time for a change and will stop our daily correspondence. All great things come to an end and something new follows. “From this change, something good will come,” as by now, you all know The Change Guarantee. There are many reasons for why I made this decision. Among them are these:

Some of you have shared with me that sometimes it’s too much to receive and read an email daily.

It’s a lot to think about, hard to find time to listen to an interview, and so on.

Others have said sometimes the topic isn’t relevant to them so they delete it. Still others have different reasons. I respect them all.

My personal reason is that I’ve been working on some new teachings, a new book and would like to commit to the call of my heart’s inspiration. I am feeling guided to dive deeper into the spiritual path, write about that and eventually speak and teach about what I’ve personally learned.

As a sneak peak, I will unveil a new site dedicated to any of you who are on a spiritual path and want to follow that journey. Please also let others know who are looking for a group of people with what I affectionately call, “A Foot in Both Worlds.” You can go to www.arianestudio.com and sign up for when we do launch later this summer.

If you’re wondering what will happen with the daily email on First30Days, here’s the answer. On July 1st we will stop the daily emails and continue to have more of a newsletter type of connection with all of you who want that. We won’t contact you regularly once-a-week, only when we feel there is some fantastic new content, blog posts from our experts, an inspiring story, an article everyone must know about or an event I may be attending or hosting.

If you dont want to continue to receive any mailings from us, this is a good time to say goodbye and we wish you well.
(You may click here to unsubsribe now.)

Of course, the www.first30days.com site will continue to be a place of support, inspiration, information as well as a community for anyone going through a change. We’ll offer new content, experts and resources.

Blessings and gratitude for what we’ve all been through together,
Ariane

People who successfully navigate change are not alone. They surround themselves with people who can help. And they create an environment that supports their change.

When we go through change, one of the first things we feel is alone. “I am the only one going through this, no one has ever felt this bad, no one has had these three changes to deal with all at once….” These types of thoughts are very common. Many of us retreat. We don’t want to reach out and share what’s going on, let alone ask anyone for help. Our biggest flaw is that we keep thinking we are alone and that somehow we have to figure this out by ourselves: how to deal with a company falling apart because the market has changed; a parent with Alzheimers, a diagnosis, or a pending divorce. Somehow, we think our situation is unique. Very few of us are comfortable with the words, “I need help.” It’s as if these words are weak and yet both personally and professionally, they are a huge sign of power, self-esteem. When was the last time you said those words? Everyone of us gets through a change or a tough time because someone is there for us, closing the gap, cheering us on, showing us the way.

Who is on your change team? Usually it’s not your parents, spouse, or even your closest friends. They all seem to be a bit concerned when you are going through your changes, they prefer to not see you shaky or heading towards the unknown. And yet, most of us turn to these people for approval, help and permission of some sort. Don’t. Pick who you share your changes with. Many times, it’s someone you don’t know as well, or even someone brand new that might come into your life to help with a specific change. That’s normal. It’s not disloyal. When you’re making or facing a change, ask yourself if there’s someone around you that has been through a similar change? What type of people do you have around you? Remember, the five people you spend the most amount of time with have the biggest influence on every aspect of your life, the job you have, how much money you make, your weight, whom you date, if you smoke and so on. Who are your five people? Are they optimists? Do they want you to change? Who should be on your team?

When you are asking for help, remember these two words—Honesty and Specificity. You can receive quality help only if you are being honest about what’s happening for you. Be honest about the addiction. Be honest about the trouble in your relationship. Be honest about the problems at work, whatever they may be. Next, be specific about what kind of help you need from someone. Do you need financial help, a trainer, a therapist, advice on how to get healthy, help on moving or finding a new revenue model? Don’t just assume someone will know how to help or what you need. We are all wired to help each other. It’s part of our DNA. We all feel our best when we are helping, contributing, doing something for someone else. Let people be there for you. Yes, even if it brings up some shame that you aren’t perfect or have things under control. Watch the support roll in once you are able to be open, humble and willing.

There are really two types of friends or supporters that we usually have around us. Friends that get in the hole with us and friends that hand us a ladder and help us up again. The former are people who are compassionate, listen to you, agree with you, make you feel right, or even justified. These people are often loving and don’t want to rock the boat. You need a few of those. But you also need what I call, Real Sources of Help, people who don’t get in the hole with you, who don’t let you rehash your story, don’t allow you to be a victim, or blame, or be weak. People who call you on the truth, what you know, how to change something. These people can challenge you, which is why many of us avoid them. It’s easier to hang with people who don’t ask you why you still smoke, or why you’ve put on all the weight, or why you stay in a loveless marriage or a job you’ve been complaining about for years. Surround yourself with people who really do want the best for you and are committed to seeing you change a situation who may not be working for you. Basically, ask yourself, if the people around you return your power back to you, ask you the right questions, give you a safe place to land and to get unstuck, empower you, believe you can change.

People are essential during times of change, but so is creating the right space in which you live and work. Your actual physical environment can have a huge impact on facilitating change, whether it be in your team, a company, or your personal life. Look at the space you live in and work in. What’s working for you and what isn’t? What do you need to let go of? Remove? Add? What’s missing? What doesn’t represent who you are now, today? You have permission to change your environment, add a new color, a candle, a symbol, a trampoline, a photo, a plant, move the furniture, move homes, move offices. If you had no limits, how would you arrange your physical space to best support you? If it’s at work, what changes can you make? Sometimes when you change your physical surroundings, your inner state also changes. Energy flows. Ideas come. New things happen.

Our lives are all connected to each other, and to other physical objects. It matters whom we surround ourselves with, whom we spend time with, whom we listen to and reach out to. When you change, the people around you change. You may want to change your actual space in some way.

And as a final note, who in your life is going through a change? A friend, colleague, your spouse, your child…. Believe they can change. See them already as having passed through the change. Offer them a safe place to land. Give them permission to do that. Listen and don’t judge. Ask questions. Don’t give answers. Be an example for them of what’s possible, not a warning. When you change, you unconsciously give permission to others to change. When you encourage someone to make or face a change, you lift your own self in the process. Connect and stay connected.

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

If you are reading this, you are qualified! Really you are. These stories are stories many of us have been through and can relate to. They include job changes, break ups, health issues from losing weight to a diagnosis, losing a loved one, pursuing a dream. money issues…you get the picture.

It’s amazing what happens when we help each other. We all have so much wisdom to share. We’ve been through our share of changes and someone else’s life might really be helped, transformed by something you know and can share.
A few lines, a similar story with some perspective, a quote, a book to read, some love and encouragement that someone else is out there listening and reading. That’s it. Nothing more.

If you are an expert, life coach, have some specific background, share what you know.

Practically speaking, what am I requesting? Check in on the site, daily if possible. See if someone has posted a new story and if you relate to it or can help, post a comment. It should take you five minutes maximum. And it will leave you feeling like you’ve helped another soul. As a friend of mine said while she was going through a hard time, “when I go to First30Days, I feel better. I know I’ve contributed. My day goes better.”

You can see what’s been happening already. Stories generate some passionate responses and discussion and it’s time to make sure everyone gets this help from our amazing community of Change Optimists!

Consider this your new form of “community service.” We all want to volunteer and know what we do matters. Well, here are real people going through real changes who have had the courage to write their stories and wait for help and direction. And while I am describing it, if you or someone you know has a story or a question to share, please do so and encourage others to do so as well. Many people want to help.

“A small group of thoughtful people could change the world. Indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.” –Margaret Mead.

As I Began to Love Myself

As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering
are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth.
Today, I know, this is “AUTHENTICITY.”
As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody
As I try to force my desires on this person,
even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it,
and even though this person was me.
Today I call it “RESPECT.”
As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life,
and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow.
Today I call it “Maturity,”
As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance,
I am in the right place at the right time,
and everything happens at the exactly right moment.
So I could be calm.
Today I call it “SELF-CONFIDENCE.”
As I began to love myself I quit stealing my own time,
and I stopped designing huge projects for the future.
Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do
and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm.
Today I call it “SIMPLICITY.”
As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health—
food, people, things, situations, and everything the drew me down and away from myself.
At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism.
Today I know it is “LOVE OF ONESELF,”
As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right,
and ever since I was wrong less of the time.
Today I discovered that is “MODESTY.”
As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worry about the future.
Now, I only live for the moment, where EVERYTHING is happening.
Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it “FULFILLMENT,”
As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me
and it can make me sick.
But as I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally.
Today I call this connection “WISDOM OF THE HEART.”
We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems
with ourselves or others.
Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born.
Today I know THAT IS “LIFE”!

Please pass this onto your friends and family. This is a special reminder of what life is trying to teach us, what it’s really about, what we eventually all come to learn. Be gentle on yourself and light on life. No more disapproval of self. It’s the biggest obstacle to your dreams. Doing so, you’ll be able to access all that happiness and joy that is just below that inner critical voice.

People who successfully navigate change know they are connected to something bigger than themselves.

When everything around you is changing, look for that part of yourself that doesn’t change, the part that is calm, centered and always there.

You can tell people who have Spirit. You can also tell companies that have Spirit. Nothing religious going on here, its just a sense of aliveness, of joy, of doing something that matters, that makes a difference, that helps. It’s a commitment to going beyond the material, the rules, what’s expected and going with a different form of guidance. Often it’s inner guidance, a nudge, a knowing of the right thing to do next, a strong intuition. We all put far greater value on intellect, on the mind, we cling to being clever, on knowing. Finding your spiritual side is about being open to not knowing, to being empty so that a new idea, direction, person can come into your life. It’s about finding a different sense of peace, tranquility that doesn’t depend on getting a deal, making the money or any form of external marker.

All great leaders, heroes, athletes, regular people who have touched us in some way believe in something greater. They don’t all define it the same way, or have the same word for it, but everyone I have interviewed eventually says some version of “something bigger was going on.” All types of change, whether it is personal or professional at some stage make us go looking on the inside. We find ourselves reconnecting to our intuition, our heart, our faith, our connection with another part of our self, perhaps our “higher self” that we have so often forgotten.

Infusing life and our work or business with spirit is about going with our intuitions, that part of us that is connected to a different, unnamable source of wisdom. It’s about a different intention that goes beyond “getting something” but is about “giving something,” helping, serving, contributing to our fellow human beings. It’s about bringing the energy of kindness, care, love if that doesn’t scare us, to everything we do and everyone we interact with. As Plato said “Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle.” What the world and business need now is a lot more gentleness, gentleness starting even in our communication, emails we send to people, how we interact with the world. We need gentleness with ourselves, stopping the disapproval energy that runs our lives! It’s about stopping the “perfection” cycle and giving ourselves permission to be human.

How do we do this? We start with being comfortable with silence, going inside, taking some time to check in with how something is feeling. Does the deal feel right? Does the website design feel in line with our intuitions? Does this person we want to hire feel right? We feel OK doing nothing, allowing ideas, insights to come through when our minds are not overly busy. We find moments of taking away the incessant noise all around us. Yes, some people call that meditation but that word is also loaded with connotations of sitting in a lotus position chanting. Meditation is only about being with ourselves, away from any distractions, getting back in touch with different parts of ourselves, hearing our deeper truths, re-aligning some aspects of our lives. Infusing our lives and work with Spirit is also about finding our intentions for why we are doing what we are doing. What guides our choices and really our lives? Is it about wanting more or giving more? Power moves through those who serve, not those who are out to get more. Ironically, when we don’t focus on getting approval, or money or fame, that’s often the time when it comes to you in spades.

Finding our spiritual side is about a bigger sense of meaning as to what we have come here to experience. The best advertisement for the spiritual path isn’t about doing a yoga class once a week, wearing a spiritual piece of jewelry or even going to church. The best ad is about being kinder, more compassionate to others, finding any which way to help. We need to ask ourselves, who needs our help today? We are loaded with gifts, ideas, connections that can help others do something good in the world.

I ask myself that question everyday and in so doing, it’s remarkable how many of my challenges, hurdles also get taken care of in parallel. My quiet silent time to be with Spirit, is what I call a “non-negotiable” (together with my health). This means no one and nothing touches this. I don’t start the day before attending to these. They come above everything for me and ensure that I’m effective in all areas of my life.

What are your non-negotiables? How much spirit is alive in your organization or family or job? What feels right as something to get started on to reconnect with this part of yourself that runs through you whether you acknowledge it or not? If you find your spiritual side, the part of you that never changes, is always there, detached from any drama, then life on the outside will become calmer. You will then be plugged into a different source of energy, not only the “little me” trying to keep everything under control, but the bigger source that powers life and nature, that part you may not fully understand, that source where anything is possible and you are not limited by disempowering thoughts or beliefs. Nurture that relationship.

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

We discussed the most difficult changes they’ve had to face so far — many of them having lost loved ones — the change they are most excited about making, going to college, starting businesses, contributing and also their most helpful beliefs. Many of them centered around faith and help from others. The students were a lively bunch and participated a lot as we went through each of the principles one by one.

There’s something magical about teaching anything you know or have some experience with. We are so much more comfortable being the students in life, and yet, how easily we forget that we really are expert sin something. Our stories are really our experiences. There’s someone or a group that needs to hear from us. Volunteer. Find a local school and go ask to teach. I am sure they will welcome you.

Power moves through those who serve. I felt a lot of power moving through me that evening when we spent close to three hours all together. These students are so hungry for knowledge, life skills, not more advanced calculus. They want to believe they are big enough to make a real difference and they are.

The students are full of life, giggling, smiling. I read somewhere that the average African laughs more in a week than Americans do in a month. That’s crazy. What really surprised me was how polite the Africans are, how present they are towards their fellow students, full of respect and dignity. Everyone feels welcome, heard, seen here.

I’ve attached a few photos so you can see the lovely energy among the students.

I leave you with this thought. What do you have to teach? And where can you do that in your community?

Remember, it doesn’t have to be something major. Maybe you lost weight, started a business, quit smoking, built a website, overcame something difficult. Someone needs to hear your story. As one young man said at the end of my workshop, “I’ve been feeling so much fear for so many years, and what you said has allowed me to feel peace again. I’ve been waiting for years to hear this.”

Nothing can beat that kind of impact on another soul’s life. Go out and serve your fellow beings.

And if you haven’t gotten the book, please do so. It’s not too late!

When you were first conceived, you were a double strand of DNA in a fertilized ovum. Dividing 50 times, and you had over 100 trillion cells. More than all the stars in the Milky Way. Then, you were born into existence.

Each of your cells do over six trillion things per second. Just think how a human body knows how to kill germs, digest, make babies, and talk, all at the same time.

The miracle is you.
The miracle is you.
Your heart beats 101,000 times per day.
During your life it will beat 300 million times.
Each day you take 23,000 breaths.
Your blood travels 60,000 miles each day on its journey through the body.
25 million cells are being produced in your body each second.
You blink at least 15,000 times per day.
Your brain has about 100 billion nerve cells.
If all your DNA was stretched out it would reach the moon 6000 times.
You shed 600,000 particles of skin every hour.
Your bones are four times stronger than concrete.
Your eyes can distinguish up to one million color surfaces, and take in more information than the largest telescope in the world.
Your lungs inhale over two million liters of air daily.
When you touch anything, a message is sent to your brain at 124 mph.
Your skin consists of 280,000 heat receptors.
The length of your blood vessels would circle the globe 2½ times.
You have the ability to distinguish up to 10,000 different smells.
Your tongue has over 10,000 taste buds.

The miracle is you.
The miracle is you.

Listen to the music.
Listen to the music.
Deep inside.

Listen to the music.
Listen to the music.
Deep inside.

There are universes dancing inside your body.
There are sunsets shining in your heart.
There are symphonies playing in your toes.
Rivers of blood effortlessly flows.
There is a full moon beaming in your belly button.
There is a cool breeze blowing in your lungs.
There is a gentle rain that falls from your eyes.
There is an army of love in every step.
There is love making in your every motion.

A body of devotion.

The miracle is you.
The miracle is you.

So realize.
Visualize.
It’s all inside.

A galaxy of amazement.

Should you ever forget.
Just close your eyes.
And

Listen to the music.
Listen to the music.
Deep inside.

Listen to the music.
Listen to the music.
Deep inside.

The miracle is you.
The miracle is you.

www.kuteblackson.com

1. Instead of wanting to be right, be kind
2. Instead of focusing on what you did wrong or what is worth being upset about, focus on all that is right
3. Instead of looking at what has changed, look at what hasn’t changed
4. Instead of coming to the end of another day and being obsessed with what was terrible, find what you can be grateful for
5. Instead of feeling out of control, find ways to trust more
6. Instead of saying mean things to yourself over and over, choose to take control of your inner voice and create a loving inner dialogue with yourself
7. Instead of letting an excuse rule your life, make this the year that you step into your power and see how limiting that excuse has been
8. Instead of comparing yourself to someone else and making yourself feel small, ask yourself, am I better than my 2009 self? Am I improving compared to me?

Anyone of these commitments will radically alter your upcoming year. Choose one from the list above. Then choose another. In times of intense change, transition and crises, our dominant emotions come out even more strongly. We need to take control of what we are focusing on, especially when our attention is constantly being taken away by the media, news, pessimists and so on. This year, you choose what to focus on. Remember, you will get more of what you focus on. You will attract that which you give your attention and energy to. Put out the energy you want more of.

People who successfully navigate change know the following:

Change makes us feel out of control. We are wired to want certainty, to know what’s going to happen with the business deal or the relationship or the diagnosis. We hate the in-between phase. We cling to anything that feels even a little permanent. We naturally look to control all the things that cannot be controlled, starting with other people and their reactions.

Here’s what you do have control of when you’re either making or facing a change. Your words, language, questions, the story you tell others and how much you let your thoughts be your reality.

People who are good at change have a very different vocabulary. They do not use words like disaster, nightmare, worst day ever, horrific. They are much more mindful of the emotional impact of this kind of language not only on their own body and mind but on other people as well. Ask yourself what are your go-to words, your dominant language patterns. If you don’t know, ask any friend, loved one, colleague. They will tell you exactly the words you over-use. In the workplace, what are the words that keep getting repeated. If you want to change that environment, start with looking at your communication. Richard Branson, for example, uses the word “fun” everyday. And the result is the creation of a “fun” business. What is the word you need to start using more of?

People who are good at change ask very different questions. They do not ask things like “why am I such an idiot?” “Why does this stuff always happen to me?” “Why am I so unlucky?” Instead they will go to questions like “who can help?” “How could this be a good thing?” “What I can learn from this?” “What action can I take?” “Can I find some humor in this?” “What can I focus on now?” Your brain will answer any question you give it, so start asking better questions if you want better answers.

People who are good at change tell very different stories. They do not tell the story of why something happened over and over. They are not stuck on the story of why it went wrong, why someone is to blame, or what someone did to them. We are constantly telling people our stories—why we got sick, why we got fired, why we didn’t get promoted, what our parents did to us. Stop the story. Start telling the story of how you want things to be. If you want a new story—if you want something to change—create some space for something different to show up. Every business has a story. A story of why it does what it does, what its culture is, and so on. Be mindful of the story you keep perpetuating. Take people out of the “story box” you’ve put around them. That’s something you can control.

People who are good at change control the meaning they give to things. We all tend to give much credit to our minds, our thoughts. We think that if our mind is telling us something, well then it must be the truth. Don’t believe everything your mind comes up with. So much of our thinking is negative. Our worst-case scenarios never happen. Do not let your mind “drag you into the basement.” Watch it when it wants to do just that. You have control over this. Observe the mind’s obsessive need to have you suffer. That’s your choice. The mind doesn’t have all the facts. If you want to affect your environment either at home or at work, start thinking better thoughts. Everyone will thank you for it.

When we start being much more aware and mindful of our inner world, our outer world tends to change. Language carries emotion, questions carry the energy of the solution or the problem and stories are how we define ourselves, in other words, our past, present and future.