Posts by Ariane de Bonvoisin

13 jul

The First 30 Days launches in South Africa

The First 30 Days launches in South Africa
I’m excited to share that The First 30 Days book, has been released in South Africa. It is now available in all major book stores.
We put a new and updated cover on it, as you can see, and I added a few goodies to the introduction. The wonderful Redi Tlhabi, one of the most famous talk radio personalities, also gave me an endorsement, which I’m very grateful for. She and I met when we spoke at the Oprah conference in Joburg 2 years ago.
I will be doing some great book launches, some private events, talks and of course TV and Radio to help spread the word.
If you want to interview me, have me come talk at your company, or get in touch for any reason, please do so, by sending an email to contact@arianestudio.com
Thankyou to Jonathan Ball Publishers for believing in me and the potential for this book here in South Africa.
This beautiful country is going through such incredible changes and it is my privilege to help out in a small way, with this book.
If you know someone going through a change, or contemplating making a change, please consider getting them a copy of the book.
Change Positively!!!
Ariane

The First 30 Days launches in South Africa

coverI’m excited to share that The First 30 Days book, has been released in South Africa. It is now available in all major book stores.

We put a new and updated cover on it, as you can see, and I added a few goodies to the introduction. The wonderful Redi Tlhabi, one of the most famous talk radio personalities, also gave me an endorsement, which I’m very grateful for. She and I met when we spoke at the Oprah conference in Joburg 2 years ago.

I will be doing some great book launches, some private events, talks and of course TV and Radio to help spread the word.

If you want to interview me, have me come talk at your company, or get in touch for any reason, please do so, by sending an email to contact@arianestudio.com

Thank you to Jonathan Ball Publishers for believing in me and the potential for this book here in South Africa.

This beautiful country is going through such incredible changes and it is my privilege to help out in a small way, with this book.

If you know someone going through a change, or contemplating making a change, please consider getting them a copy of the book.

Change Positively!!!

Ariane

Posted by Ariane de Bonvoisin on July 13th, 2015 in Ariane | No comments

17 may

Ariane’s Four Talks on Change

ArianedeBonvoisinHello! I’ve just added to YouTube four (4) videos that I wanted to share on Navigating Change. Some of them are nice and short, only five minutes long. If you’ve got a cup of tea and your journal, you can watch the hour-long talk I recently gave on “The 9 Principles of Change,” to a group of 500 executives. I cover personal, professional, health, family, relationship and financial changes. Enjoy and please share with anyone you know who is going through a change, thinking about a change, struggling or helping someone else with a change!

Click here to view Ariane’s Overview of Change.

Click here to view Ariane’s Questions about Change.

Click here to view Ariane’s The First Principle of Change.

Click here to view Ariane’s The 9 Principles of Change.

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

Posted by Ariane de Bonvoisin on May 17th, 2013 in Ariane, Career, Diet and Fitness, Family, Finances, Global/Social Change, Health, New Directions, Personal Stories, Relationships, Spirituality | No comments

13 oct

Parenting Kids Through Times of Change

happier_confidenceWe live in transitional times. Each of us is affected by change, whether it be a job change, a relationship change, a financial change or even a health-related change.

Kids feel these changes, too. They witness them closely. For example, often they are involved in the case of a divorce, a death or a move.

I’ve found a few insights that can really make a difference when parenting children during these types of life events. Plus, my personal belief is that teaching them about change is one of the most fundamental life skills to impart to them to be prepared for the years when they’re growing up.

Parents need to get comfortable with change, then your children will be comfortable, too. Kids are a lot less fragile through change than their parents are. Kids often simply reflect how you are feeling, so if they are acting out, it’s because you may have some emotions that aren’t being expressed. If they are anxious, it’s because you are, too, at some level. Think about it, at any moment, you are either being a warning or an example for your kids, how you eat, how you communicate, how you behave, everything you do. They see and feel everything. So regarding the change you’re going through, are you coming from a place of trust and faith or one of fear? Are you coming from your heart and a loving space or from your head and responsibilities? Be an example for how to navigate change. Be positive, accept the change once it’s happened and stop comparing things to what was. Believe in something greater going on, ask for help so your kids see that there are always people ready to help and they/you are never alone. Take some action. Take care of yourself during times of change so your kids see that just because something has changed doesn’t mean your whole life and especially your health will be affected.

The most important thing your kids want is for you to be happy! This is what your kids are yearning for. They aren’t yearning for their old school after a while, or how things were. They want to be in a home that is filled with laughter and love. Get out of the serious box. Yes, a change may be serious, but it’s not so serious that you want to teach your kids that all change is hard, tough, and worth getting concerned about. So yes, if getting happy and doing what you want involves going away for the weekend, going to the gym, taking a new class, going back to work, do it. Your kids will unconsciously and consciously relax when they know you are OK and doing things you love and enjoy. They’d rather you were happy than at home all the time. They’d rather you be happy alone than unhappily married.

Parents need to wake up and place their trust in their children’s inner-guidance system. So many parents tend to over-parent their kids, do everything for them, show them, help them. This is underestimating their innate ability that the same life force that is flowing through you is flowing through them. Wake up their intuition, their instincts. Believe they can figure things out. Ask them how something feels. It’s easier for you as parents to worry about your kids, when the truth is that you yourself are the one that’s worried. Kids aren’t that worried at their core since they are in the present moment, while we adults feel fear and nervousness when thinking about the past and future effect of a change. Teach your kids that they have access to answers on the inside of them at all times–even more answers than Mom or Dad can provide. Their bodies are always sending them signals about what’s the right thing to do.

Teach them that they have a “change muscle.” Kids love knowing this. That there is a specific muscle to be able to handle changes, that they can flex it, use it and it gets stronger with every change they experience–that the body is made for change and that the best of who they are is going to come out during times of change, that life is always giving them an opportunity to grow, to learn something, to acquire a new set of emotions, such as courage, faith or patience when change comes their way.
Teach them “The Change Guarantee.” Write down the following phrase for them, somewhere visible. “From this situation, something good will come.” Start showing them that good things come from change. Go through previous changes that have happened and the good that eventually came. Teach them that life is on their side, that it’s always coming up with new ways to bring something into their lives.

Allow kids to be human and express their emotions. Teach them that its perfectly OK to be sad, to cry, to be angry, to be anything they are feeling. Make their feelings seem right, not wrong. Don’t impose any deadlines on when they should stop feeling something. The same goes for you. It’s good for your kids to see you have feelings. Do not only be in supermom or superdad mode. When they see you are human, sad, scared for a little while, then they feel much safer being the same. Do not try to change what they are feeling. If they are feeling something, reward it.

For more information on the 9 Principles of Change, be sure to pick up a copy of my book, The First 30 Days: Your Guide to Making Any Change Easier. The change principles equally apply for children of any age.

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

Posted by Ariane de Bonvoisin on October 13th, 2012 in Ariane, First30Days Book, General, New Directions, Spirituality, Things We Love | No comments

04 sep

30-Day Life Re-boot

LimiSoulRadioMy good friend Holly Riddel, invited me to be on her radio show a few weeks ago and I gladly accepted. (She and I met at a small Wayne Dyer retreat at his place in Maui, a few years ago.)

Her show is called LIMI Soul Radio, LIMI stands for Love Is My Intention. Beyond being a great, natural interviewer and host, her passion is also about creating amazing jewelry. Check out her site, www.hollyriddeldesigns.com.

I personally have two of her delightful Inside Out rings, where the stone is actually on the inside of the ring, facing inwards. Only you know it’s there. Every stone represents a divine quality: love, courage, self nurturing, passion….etc.
I’ve worn them to big events, TV shows, and felt like it was a pact I had with myself when i looked down at my ring. She makes each ring herself, putting love and her beautiful energy into them.

She decided to do a 30-day life re-boot and had hundreds of people from all around the world participating. We had a lovely conversation about what makes people really change, how to manage all the different changes we are facing in this special time of the year with so much going on. It’s fun, light, engaging and, yes, very human and a very authentic chat. Enjoy and please share. www.blogtalkradio.com/limisoulradio/2012/07/28/limi-soul-radio.

Posted by Ariane de Bonvoisin on September 4th, 2012 in Health, New Directions, Spirituality, Things We Love | No comments

01 sep

Exclusive Interview with Ariane on Life Changes

I was happy to be interviewed by a cool new site called www.24thletter.com. It’s an exclusive, members-only community, but I begged them and they let me share with all of you the interview I did. My good friend, Janera Soerel, asked me some very interesting questions about one of my favorite subjects — change and managing transitions in our lives.

Janera Soerel: Our chat today is with Ariane de Bonvoisin, a self-styled Chief Change Optimist, and founder of First30Days. Like most of us, Ariane’s life has been through many changes, but her strength has been to study the commonalities we experience when we go through major adjustments and to share her best practices with the chronically inflexible. Ariane, we are delighted to have you with us today, and look forward to your insights on how to best manage transitions.

Ariane de Bonvoisin: I am all yours, I love all questions about this topic.

JS: I’ll just jump right into the questions. You are the Guru of Change. Do you believe there is virtue to committing to a decision and ploughing through the difficulties? Or when is change the best option?

AdB: “Guru of Change,” you are funny! I am a big believer in being committed to a decision and at the same time being very open to changing my approach. So, the reason “why” I am making a decision is why to stay the course — why I want to start a business, why I want to lose weight, why I want to write a book.

The “how” is what is open to change along the way. I tell people to stay very much in touch with their intuition. How does something feel? I think life, the universe, God — whatever we want to call it — is always trying to give us guidance. The decisions that I’ve not pursued until the end often turned out to be ones that were more ego-based.

JS: That’s very interesting. Sometimes though it is difficult to hear that voice. Do you have any advice on how to access intuition?

AdB: Sure, intuition is something we all have — even children. Intuition speaks loudest through the body! Do you feel tired? Agitated? Does your stomach feel tight? The body knows what is best for us; it is wired for truth. We just think that our minds know best! So we disregard the signs our body is giving us all the time.

JS: You’re right, we need to live more in our bodies, and less in our heads. Getting back to life’s transitions: in your experience, what changes are the most difficult?

AdB: All changes are hard because they involve some element of the unknown. We want certainty, security, to feel safe. Underneath it all, the hardest changes are the ones that touch our identity, how we see ourselves in the world. For example, “I am married” to “I am divorced.” “I am employed” to “I am unemployed.” Anything we attach the words “I am” to is a bit dangerous as life loves shaking things up in that department! Basically, anything you attach your self esteem to that is external — for most people that’s their relationship and career — tends to hit the hardest. We need to find the part of us that doesn’t change, the detached observer of all these life changes and transitions. Then we feel we can handle anything. That’s more of a spiritual journey and something internal.

JS: What happens to people who don’t yet have that deeper internal understanding when they’re confronted with an unpredictable change that comes out of left field? How do you advise those people to manage the surprises?

AdB: People feel their whole life has fallen apart when they don’t realize they are so much more than this change. I think you can prepare by not being too attached to anything and having the awareness that change is the only constant in life. It is the law of life, as JFK said. Your work, health, relationship, money — everything will change. People will come and go. Awareness is always the beginning of change. Then I would take it a day at a time. Change is hard when we blend in the past, present, and future in regards to this change. Change has its own timeline, so we can’t speed it up and get out of the uncomfortable period. Also, resisting change is what causes the most change! Try to accept the change even though it may be painful. If you argue with reality, you lose!

JS: Your life has brought you many changes, and you’ve recently moved back to New York. You went on two global trips of discovery, the first when you quit Time/Warner, which culminated in you coming back to New York and founding First30Days, and the second in 2010 from which you’ve just returned. What inspired the second trip, and how do you see First30Days evolving now?

AdB: The second trip! Ha, I felt a longing to get into the unknown: no plans, no control and let life lead the way. A week before I left NYC, I had no idea still where I was going. I found a real intimacy with God during this time. Not having Ariane’s plans, but God’s plans for Ariane. (When I say God, I mean anything you are comfortable referring to!) I also wanted to find a different place to go write my next book, get closer to nature, observe human beings, connect to the simplicity of life, joy, love. I wanted to start living all the self-help and spiritual principles I’d been reading and writing about.

JS: That sounds blissful! How long were you away, and how close to your internal self did you get?

AdB: I was gone for nearly two years — from India, to Australia, South Africa, Cambodia, Indonesia, Mozambique. I did most of the traveling and exploring by myself and then later on with my boyfriend, although you are never really alone I think! The greatest relationship you have is with your Higher Self; you become your own best friend and you stop the disapproval and learn to appreciate things.

JS: Can you tell us a bit more about the new projects on your plate? It sounds like you’re mostly focused on creating content. Do you also coach people individually?

AdB: I love writing, so yes I am writing a lot! I’ve just finished an ebook: “What I wish someone had told me about writing a book.” I’m also launching a new site called arianestudio.com which will feature my blog, books, events and a spotlight on interesting things for people on a spiritual path and also fully living and working in the world. And I’m building an iPhone app called Mindful365, which helps people live consciously one day at a time. I do coach some people yes. I have done less of it since I’ve been traveling, but still love the 1:1 connection and seeing people really transform in areas that are important to them.

JS: It sounds like you’re back in the New York rat-race with all the activities on your plate. How do you manage to balance the spiritual practices with the external demands on your time?

AdB: NYC is the perfect place to trigger me, push my buttons. But I’ve got what I call some “non-negotiables”: things that nothing touches.

JS: Can you give us examples of the non-negotiables?

AdB: I meditate every morning no matter what, and sometimes before going to sleep as well. I also am very committed to staying healthy: green juices daily, not much sugar. I’ve been a vegetarian since I was 12, and I think what we eat and drink can massively contribute to lowering our stress in a place like NYC. And I remember that it’s never NYC or any place that’s stressing you out. It’s your mind and its stories and beliefs that are doing such a good job at that. So my other non-negotiable is always to be very self aware and observe my reactions.

JS: I love green juices!

AdB: Alone time is also super-important. And yes, green juices rock!

JS: In this new phase of your life, with all these new projects, what have been the biggest challenges?

AdB: Good question! Well, finding a place to live in NYC is never fun. But having solved that challenge, the other is not wanting to get back on a plane and go travel again! I feel this is the time to contribute, give back, share, help, plant seeds. I also feel friends and family sometimes don’t understand your choices, the way you want to live your life. I try to have compassion for them, and not let it throw me off or want to get their approval in some way. And of course, being patient! Being an entrepreneur and a creative type means self-generating your energy and motivation on a daily basis, often without seeing results for a long time. So it’s important to have faith.

JS: This process of balancing friends and family expectations, with staying on your entrepreneurial/spiritual purpose, is one many of us face. Do you believe there is a difference between how men and women balance these demands?

AdB: Men and women go through change a bit differently. Men are more focused on actions, women more on emotions. And in the end, women get through change better usually. All change is emotional. Women are a lot more likely to want to find a more spiritual way of living. Most men are actually very spiritual, but that word scares them; it’s as if it’s not masculine or something

JS: Yes, those men… They’re catching up with us

AdB: We love them!!!

JS: And now, to wrap it up. A more solemn question: life’s biggest transition is death. Knowing that this life will end, what do you recommend our members do on a daily basis when dealing with the small changes?

AdB: Well, knowing that time is passing, my recommendation is this: find work you love, something that lights you up, inspires you. Even if it’s something you do on the side, find a way to contribute, give back, serve your fellow human beings. Focus on your health, in small ways. Yes, get that daily green juice. Have meat and treats on the weekend only, whatever works for you. You get a chance every day to help your body out. Start reading a book, or take a class or something that has you explore your spiritual side, why you are here, what it’s all about. Focus on learning and growing, life is never stagnant if that is your goal. And be kind to yourself, allow yourself to be human. Self-disapproval doesn’t make life fun and is a major obstacle to taking a risk, learning, being creative, loving, becoming enlightened!

JS: So basically stay healthy, have quiet time, and make money doing what you love. Sounds like the perfect formula for a happy life. We have a lifetime to deepen our learning and balance these all out. Thank you Ariane for spending time with us. We loved having you here, and look forward to your new book, website, TV show, and more.

AdB: Thank YOU for being you and doing what you love — you are an example for us. Big hugs and everyone keep in touch please.

Posted by Ariane de Bonvoisin on September 1st, 2012 in Ariane, Global/Social Change, New Directions, Personal Stories | No comments

24 aug

A Spiritual Conspiracy

goinggreen_lushgreenparkThe word conspiracy means really to “breathe together.” I was sent this poem and wanted to share it as it applies to so many who are part of what I call “the change movement.” Each of you is taking a stand for change, being an example whether in yourself, your family, your workplace, or your community. Thank you for what you do, who you are and your work in the world. You know who you are.

On the surface of our world right now
There is war, violence, and craziness
And things may seem dark.

But calmly and quietly
At the same time
Something is happening underground.

An inner revolution is taking place
And certain individuals
Are being called to a higher light.

It is a silent revolution
From the inside out
From the ground up.

This is a global co-operation
That has sleeper cells in every nation.
It is a planetary Spiritual Conspiracy.

You won’t likely see us on T.V.
You won’t read about us in the newspaper.
You won’t hear from us on the radio.

We don’t seek glory.
We don’t wear any uniform.
We come in all shapes and sizes, colors and styles.

We are in every country and culture of the world
In cities big and small, mountains and valleys
In farms and villages, tribes and remote islands.

Most of us work anonymously
Seeking not recognition of name
But profound transformation of life.

Working quietly behind the scenes
You could pass by one of us on the street
And not even notice.

We go undercover
Not concerned for who takes the final credit
But simply that the work gets done.

Many of us may seem to have normal jobs.
But behind the external storefront
Is where the deeper work takes a place.

With the individual and collective power
Of our minds and hearts
We spread passion, knowledge, and joy to all.

Some call us the Conscious Army
As together
We co-create a new world.

Our orders come from the Spiritual Intelligence Agency
Instructing us to drop soft, secret love bombs
when no one is looking.

Poems–Hugs–Music–Photography–Smiles–Kind words
Movies–Meditation and Prayer–Dance–Websites
Social Activism–Blogs–Random Acts of Kindness

We each express ourselves
In our own unique ways
With our own unique gifts and talents.

“Be the change you want to see in the world”
That is the motto that fills our hearts.
We know this is the path to profound transformation.

We know that quietly and humbly
Individually and collectively
We have the power of all the oceans combined.

At first glance our work is not even visible.
It is slow and meticulous
Like the formation of mountains.

And yet with our combined efforts
Entire tectonic plates
Are being shaped and moved for centuries to come.

Love is the religion we come to share
And you don’t need to be highly educated
Or have exceptional knowledge to understand it.

Love arises from the intelligence of the heart
Embedded in the timeless evolutionary pulse
Of all living beings.

Be the change you want to see in the world.
Nobody else can do it for you.
Yet don’t forget, we are all here supporting you.

We are now recruiting.
Perhaps you will join us
Or already have.

For in this spiritual conspiracy
All are welcome, and all are loved.
The door is always open.

–Author Appropriately Unknown

Posted by Ariane de Bonvoisin on August 24th, 2012 in Spirituality | No comments

07 sep

Bringing Back Meaning into Our Lives

evolutionWe live in interesting times. We are all busy. We are all trying to be happier, more organized, healthier, wealthier and wiser! Yet there is a deeper longing that stirs beneath the surface of our lives—the desire that our lives matter, that our work matters, that there is true meaning in who we are and what we want to do. This isn’t about another goal, another challenge to set our sights on or something that will make us feel good. It’s about the fundamentals of how we view our life, our time, the people around us and the choices we make. When our lives are full of meaning, we are full of energy and joy. We can do anything. Meaning is what we want. So how do we get it?

1) Follow our heart’s longing and inspiration. Do what we want not what we should.
Ever since we were young, we’ve been told what we should do, what we should eat, what time we should go to bed, what work we should eventually grow up to do. It’s no surprise that so many of us find it hard even to get in touch with what we want, what our hearts want to do. It’s often hidden behind years of stories about why we can’t. We have excuses and even people’s opinions that stand in our way.

We all know what it feels like when something “feels” right. Our bodies let us know. There’s no tension, no contraction, no stress. Start small. What do you “want” to wear? What do you want to do on the weekend? What do you want to read? Then you can move onto the next questions. Where do you want to live? What type of work do you want to be doing with your life? What type of relationship/friendships do you want to have? Set your intention to establish a life plan that only brings you meaning into your life and that anything else fall away in its natural course.

2) Stop any disapproval/perfection/comparison programs.
These programs run our lives, the software of our everyday choices. We find dozens of ways to disapprove of ourselves. We try to be perfect or we compare our lives to others. Our inner critic at least has a full-time job!

If you want to add meaning to your life, start becoming aware of when one of these three programs is running or being activated. Shine a light on it. Realize that’s what’s happening. When the voice of disapproval goes quiet, that’s when you start accessing joy and meaning. It’s there all the time. It’s just not reachable without seeing what’s in the way. When you focus on it, you start seeing it. You literally have an escrow account of joy and meaning that is already within you, waiting to be experienced once these programs start losing their a grip on your life. Be gentle on yourself and light on life. Accept your humanness and also others’.

3) Slow down and stop your crazy deadlines.

We are all rushing, somewhere, to do something. Why is that? What are we trying to do? We need to find meaning in something. Ironically, when we slow down, we see meaning in everything. We aren’t trying to fill our emptiness. We notice things, a gesture, an animal, a sunset, a sweet exchange. We see what’s beautiful, magical. One of the things that most controls our lives is time—the clock. It lets us know if we are late, if we have achieved enough by whatever age we are, or if we are finally allowed to slow down and start enjoying our lives.

So stop looking at your watch for direction. There’s another part of you, your intuition, your inner listener who is constantly trying to get your attention. It knows what matters. It’s connected to your truth. It is a source of peace, tranquility and wisdom. Many of us fail at any of our goals only because we have imposed a crazy deadline on ourselves. We simply don’t give ourselves enough time. The runway is too short for anything to take off. People who are good at change, get their goals, find deeper meaning in their lives and have a very different relationship with time. Give yourself twice as long, or simply don’t determine your life on a few numbers.

4) Take items off your plate.
We are all focused on adding things to our lives, a bit more health, a bit more money, a few more hobbies. Start asking yourself what should not be on your plate anymore? What should you NOT do with your life? What’s your biggest distraction? What would you like not to do anymore? What brings you no meaning or joy? The door is always open to end anything. Really it is. It’s your mind that sees it as shut. The illusion of fear is what becomes real then. What do you want to have on your plate? What are your non-negotiables, things that no one, no job, nothing should touch? Those are what you want to be focusing on. Remember, your mind is a creative instrument so whatever you put your attention to expands.

5) Be self-nurturing.
We are all good at doing things for others, working hard, being there for our friends and family. And most of us are terrible at being there for ourselves. Our ability to do any self nurturing is low. And we aren’t talking about a manicure, a pedicure or a trip to the gym here. I am talking about what you feel you need: more sleep, healthier food, time to meditate and be silent, time in nature, the ability to read a book and so on. Schedule your time like you would any other important meeting. When your cup is full, when you’ve taken care of your needs, then the world can have some. You can’t give what you don’t have.

6) Know why you do what you do and you will have a sense of purpose and direction.

When was the last time you asked yourself a deeper question? Why are you here? What’s this all about? What matters? What’s a good use of my time? Am I not more than just a woman, married to this person, doing this job? We fear some of these questions thinking our life will fall apart if we get too deep and philosophical. But what is more important than to get fascinated with the journey of a lifetime? How does life work? How does the mind work? People who feel their lives are full of meaning are growing, they are learning, questioning everything, unlearning things they thought to be true. As with anything, when you feel you are growing, things feel good. When you are trying to keep everything the same, protect what you have, meaning is far away. Pick up a different type of book, maybe one about higher truth, wisdom, spiritual principles of the ages. Let your heart and mind ponder something new.

7) Start looking for ways to serve and contribute to your fellow human beings.
There is nothing that will bring you a sense of meaning more than this. Power moves through those who serve. All fulfillment comes from feeling connected to others and giving from the heart, once you’ve taken care of yourself! ☺

Really listen to others. Give them a safe space to share, to express themselves. Then, accept them as they are. That’s what we are all craving. Afterward your days will be filled with meaning when your energy starts going out towards others, rather than in the “me, me me” direction all the time. Meaning does not come from satisfying little me. It comes from knowing your life matters and from others who are touched and moved emotionally by your presence.

8) Surround yourself with people who are motivated and meaningful to you.
The biggest influence on your day-to-day life are the five people you spend the most amount of time with! Who are your five? Start being conscious of who surrounds you. Are they optimists or complainers? Are they excited about life? Are they givers? Do they believe in you and want you to change or do they prefer you staying the same, just to make them feel comfortable? Have a plan of action. Write down what you want to focus on, share it with others so that they can encourage you and hold you to your new standard. This isn’t about accountability but about lovingly reminding you of what’s most important to you.

When we start moving away from the mundane and the conventional pull to acquire things toward life directions that you’ll love to take and are consciously choosing, meaning comes flooding in. Yes it means some decisions, some fear, some explaining to others perhaps. The time before a decision is much harder than the decision itself. So commit to a small goal, take something off your plate that isn’t working for you anymore, get excited about something else now, who you are becoming today not who you used to be. It’s amazing the progress you can observe day by day. When you are inspired by something, a job, a goal, a person, a way of living in the world, your spiritual beliefs, every area of your life benefits so it’s never selfish to start with you!

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

Posted by Ariane de Bonvoisin on September 7th, 2010 in General, New Directions | 2 comments

31 may

Important Message from Ariane

happier_confidenceDear Friends and Fellow Change Optimists,

After two incredible years of sending out hundreds of thousands of Change Secrets emails every day, I’ve decided it’s time for a change and will stop our daily correspondence. All great things come to an end and something new follows. “From this change, something good will come,” as by now, you all know The Change Guarantee. There are many reasons for why I made this decision. Among them are these:

Some of you have shared with me that sometimes it’s too much to receive and read an email daily.

It’s a lot to think about, hard to find time to listen to an interview, and so on.

Others have said sometimes the topic isn’t relevant to them so they delete it. Still others have different reasons. I respect them all.

My personal reason is that I’ve been working on some new teachings, a new book and would like to commit to the call of my heart’s inspiration. I am feeling guided to dive deeper into the spiritual path, write about that and eventually speak and teach about what I’ve personally learned.

As a sneak peak, I will unveil a new site dedicated to any of you who are on a spiritual path and want to follow that journey. Please also let others know who are looking for a group of people with what I affectionately call, “A Foot in Both Worlds.” You can go to www.arianestudio.com and sign up for when we do launch later this summer.

If you’re wondering what will happen with the daily email on First30Days, here’s the answer. On July 1st we will stop the daily emails and continue to have more of a newsletter type of connection with all of you who want that. We won’t contact you regularly once-a-week, only when we feel there is some fantastic new content, blog posts from our experts, an inspiring story, an article everyone must know about or an event I may be attending or hosting.

If you dont want to continue to receive any mailings from us, this is a good time to say goodbye and we wish you well.
(You may click here to unsubsribe now.)

Of course, the www.first30days.com site will continue to be a place of support, inspiration, information as well as a community for anyone going through a change. We’ll offer new content, experts and resources.

Blessings and gratitude for what we’ve all been through together,
Ariane

Posted by Ariane de Bonvoisin on May 31st, 2010 in Ariane, General, New Directions | 10 comments Read related posts in

11 may

The Eighth Secret of Change

happier_confidenceYour Change Support Team

People who successfully navigate change are not alone. They surround themselves with people who can help. And they create an environment that supports their change.

When we go through change, one of the first things we feel is alone. “I am the only one going through this, no one has ever felt this bad, no one has had these three changes to deal with all at once….” These types of thoughts are very common. Many of us retreat. We don’t want to reach out and share what’s going on, let alone ask anyone for help. Our biggest flaw is that we keep thinking we are alone and that somehow we have to figure this out by ourselves: how to deal with a company falling apart because the market has changed; a parent with Alzheimers, a diagnosis, or a pending divorce. Somehow, we think our situation is unique. Very few of us are comfortable with the words, “I need help.” It’s as if these words are weak and yet both personally and professionally, they are a huge sign of power, self-esteem. When was the last time you said those words? Everyone of us gets through a change or a tough time because someone is there for us, closing the gap, cheering us on, showing us the way.

Who is on your change team? Usually it’s not your parents, spouse, or even your closest friends. They all seem to be a bit concerned when you are going through your changes, they prefer to not see you shaky or heading towards the unknown. And yet, most of us turn to these people for approval, help and permission of some sort. Don’t. Pick who you share your changes with. Many times, it’s someone you don’t know as well, or even someone brand new that might come into your life to help with a specific change. That’s normal. It’s not disloyal. When you’re making or facing a change, ask yourself if there’s someone around you that has been through a similar change? What type of people do you have around you? Remember, the five people you spend the most amount of time with have the biggest influence on every aspect of your life, the job you have, how much money you make, your weight, whom you date, if you smoke and so on. Who are your five people? Are they optimists? Do they want you to change? Who should be on your team?

When you are asking for help, remember these two words—Honesty and Specificity. You can receive quality help only if you are being honest about what’s happening for you. Be honest about the addiction. Be honest about the trouble in your relationship. Be honest about the problems at work, whatever they may be. Next, be specific about what kind of help you need from someone. Do you need financial help, a trainer, a therapist, advice on how to get healthy, help on moving or finding a new revenue model? Don’t just assume someone will know how to help or what you need. We are all wired to help each other. It’s part of our DNA. We all feel our best when we are helping, contributing, doing something for someone else. Let people be there for you. Yes, even if it brings up some shame that you aren’t perfect or have things under control. Watch the support roll in once you are able to be open, humble and willing.

There are really two types of friends or supporters that we usually have around us. Friends that get in the hole with us and friends that hand us a ladder and help us up again. The former are people who are compassionate, listen to you, agree with you, make you feel right, or even justified. These people are often loving and don’t want to rock the boat. You need a few of those. But you also need what I call, Real Sources of Help, people who don’t get in the hole with you, who don’t let you rehash your story, don’t allow you to be a victim, or blame, or be weak. People who call you on the truth, what you know, how to change something. These people can challenge you, which is why many of us avoid them. It’s easier to hang with people who don’t ask you why you still smoke, or why you’ve put on all the weight, or why you stay in a loveless marriage or a job you’ve been complaining about for years. Surround yourself with people who really do want the best for you and are committed to seeing you change a situation who may not be working for you. Basically, ask yourself, if the people around you return your power back to you, ask you the right questions, give you a safe place to land and to get unstuck, empower you, believe you can change.

People are essential during times of change, but so is creating the right space in which you live and work. Your actual physical environment can have a huge impact on facilitating change, whether it be in your team, a company, or your personal life. Look at the space you live in and work in. What’s working for you and what isn’t? What do you need to let go of? Remove? Add? What’s missing? What doesn’t represent who you are now, today? You have permission to change your environment, add a new color, a candle, a symbol, a trampoline, a photo, a plant, move the furniture, move homes, move offices. If you had no limits, how would you arrange your physical space to best support you? If it’s at work, what changes can you make? Sometimes when you change your physical surroundings, your inner state also changes. Energy flows. Ideas come. New things happen.

Our lives are all connected to each other, and to other physical objects. It matters whom we surround ourselves with, whom we spend time with, whom we listen to and reach out to. When you change, the people around you change. You may want to change your actual space in some way.

And as a final note, who in your life is going through a change? A friend, colleague, your spouse, your child…. Believe they can change. See them already as having passed through the change. Offer them a safe place to land. Give them permission to do that. Listen and don’t judge. Ask questions. Don’t give answers. Be an example for them of what’s possible, not a warning. When you change, you unconsciously give permission to others to change. When you encourage someone to make or face a change, you lift your own self in the process. Connect and stay connected.

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

Posted by Ariane de Bonvoisin on May 11th, 2010 in Ariane, New Directions, Relationships | 2 comments Read related posts in

25 mar

We Need You

happier_confidenceSome of you who’ve been with us on the site may know about our Talk to Us section. It’s one of the most active areas, where people share their story of change. Stories of hope, courage, stories of despair, asking for help. While we have some very loyal members and our team looks at these daily and post some tips and suggestions, we are now asking YOU to help.

If you are reading this, you are qualified! Really you are. These stories are stories many of us have been through and can relate to. They include job changes, break ups, health issues from losing weight to a diagnosis, losing a loved one, pursuing a dream. money issues…you get the picture.

It’s amazing what happens when we help each other. We all have so much wisdom to share. We’ve been through our share of changes and someone else’s life might really be helped, transformed by something you know and can share.
A few lines, a similar story with some perspective, a quote, a book to read, some love and encouragement that someone else is out there listening and reading. That’s it. Nothing more.

If you are an expert, life coach, have some specific background, share what you know.

Practically speaking, what am I requesting? Check in on the site, daily if possible. See if someone has posted a new story and if you relate to it or can help, post a comment. It should take you five minutes maximum. And it will leave you feeling like you’ve helped another soul. As a friend of mine said while she was going through a hard time, “when I go to First30Days, I feel better. I know I’ve contributed. My day goes better.”

You can see what’s been happening already. Stories generate some passionate responses and discussion and it’s time to make sure everyone gets this help from our amazing community of Change Optimists!

Consider this your new form of “community service.” We all want to volunteer and know what we do matters. Well, here are real people going through real changes who have had the courage to write their stories and wait for help and direction. And while I am describing it, if you or someone you know has a story or a question to share, please do so and encourage others to do so as well. Many people want to help.

“A small group of thoughtful people could change the world. Indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.” –Margaret Mead.

Posted by Ariane de Bonvoisin on March 25th, 2010 in Ariane, Things We Love | No comments Read related posts in