Archive for 2012

18 feb

The Message We’re Not Hearing from Our Politicians: Tolerance, Acceptance, Compassion and Unity

WEJMD Unity is a very important theme. It is critical to the resolution of the many problems facing our nation and our world today because without it we will never be able to engage the necessary solutions.

In this election year it’s painfully clear that there are many people with many differences. Many needs. Many perspectives. Many polarities. Many grievances. Many resentments. Many biases. Many prejudices. A great deal of intolerance. A great deal of hostility. A great deal of rage and aggression.

We have forgotten who we are. We have forgotten that we originally all came from one Source. We all came from a place of Unity, a place of Universal Acceptance and Love. And then we fell into a dream of separation, a dream of selfish egos competing with each other rather than cooperating, attacking each other rather than living in harmony.

We have lost our way. We have lost our universal identity as a brotherhood of people. So caught up in the distinction of skin color, races and nations, we have lost our true connection with God. And now, amidst all the chaos, the confusion, the rage and the hate, we must find our way Home. We must find a way to re-unite with God and each other before we destroy ourselves. How do we do this?

How do we unify amidst so much divisiveness and venom?

It surely would be a whole lot easier and happen a whole lot faster if we had leaders who made acceptance, forgiveness and love the platform of their party, the priority above all other priorities, the glue holding together their political agenda.

Unfortunately, that’s not what’s happening. When I listen to the various presidential candidates all I hear is what they’re going to do for us. Right now it’s the Republicans, but later it will be the Democrats doing the very same thing, everybody telling us what they’re going to do for us.

No one telling us what WE need to do for us, what you and I, what we the people need to do for ourselves if we want to truly solve our problems. If we want a world where people cooperate and co-exist in harmony, peace and prosperity, we must appreciate that it won’t happen at the level of nations and leaders.

It will happen from the ground up. It will happen first with the choices that WE make, you and I, each and every one of us. The choices we make to be more tolerant, more accepting, more loving, more forgiving, and more generous.

Easier said than done amidst so much anger, grievance, resentment and judgment swirling all around us, so many of us seeing the differences in people rather than the similarities, seeing others as the enemy if they don’t think the same way we do. If they have a different god or a different religion or a different political persuasion, if they’re too far to the left or too far to the right, we don’t just disagree, we demonize them, we label them evil and dangerous, they’re going to destroy America.

All this fear mongering, all this demonizing has got to stop. It solves nothing. It further polarizes people. It makes things worse.

Bottom line: There are too many people with divergent views and needs. For any of us to take extreme intransigent positions and expect the rest of the nation to get on board is unrealistic and counterproductive. We will never have a nation where everyone thinks the same way. We must find common ground amidst the differences. We must find ways to cooperate, compromise and negotiate for the greatest good of all concerned.

How do we do this? One person at a time. One mind at a time. One heart at a time. We do it by example. By role modeling right action. Albert Schweitzer had it right when he said, “Example is leadership.”

Example is leadership.

We cannot rely on our leaders to be the examples of right action. We must be the example. We must be the role models. We must each of us make the personal commitment to discourage the fear-mongering, the demonizing, the rageful, hate speech about those who don’t share our beliefs.

If we don’t do it, it’s not going to happen. All the divisiveness will defeat us in the long run. Not global warming. Not earthquakes and tsunamis. Not nuclear weapons. Not terrorists. Our divisiveness will defeat us.

We are the enemy of ourselves when we lack tolerance and compassion, and lash out at those we disagree with. True patriotism means respecting our fellow citizens regardless of their political viewpoints or religious beliefs.

We have been trained to believe in concepts like “every man for himself,” and “kill or be killed” which suggest that we must compete and battle others if we are to succeed and prevail. We have been trained to believe that aggression is necessary in order to survive.

The truth is that we do not need aggression in order to survive. The truth is that we will not prevail, in the long run, as long as we believe we must attack and subjugate others in order to win.

Most people think that “survival of the fittest” means survival of the strongest, the most aggressive, the most violent and predatory. They are wrong. Survival of the fittest in the final analysis will be survival of the spiritually fittest, survival of those who strive to unite rather than divide, survival of those who strive to let go of judgments and prejudices, survival of those who strive to embrace acceptance and tolerance, survival of those who are dedicated to the application of compassion, generosity and forgiveness.

The meek shall inherit the earth.

“The meek shall inherit the earth” doesn’t mean the weak shall inherit the earth. It means those who are humble, accepting and forgiving shall inherit the earth, those who embrace peaceful methods to solve problems, to bridge divergent ideologies, and to find the common ground shall inherit the earth.

We will not survive as a nation, as a people, as a planet unless we recognize that the solution to all of our problems requires a unified approach that embraces trust, compassion and cooperation rather than further entrenchment in the ideology of war and destruction of others as a means to our peace and prosperity.

There is great beauty in the diversity of nature. There is great beauty in the diversity of human beings. But instead of appreciating that diversity and glorifying it, we fear it, we blame it, we scapegoat it, we destroy it… and in the process we destroy ourselves. Sooner or later we destroy ourselves with our fear and our divisiveness. Therefore, it behooves us to find a way to rise above the battlefield, to perceive the world in a different light, so that we can appreciate the foolishness of attacking others.

One way to do this is to consider the analogy of a jigsaw puzzle. Each jigsaw puzzle piece looks different in some way from other pieces, but each piece is inherently the same, in the sense that each piece is an integral part of the puzzle that contributes to the puzzle’s wholeness. Without every single piece, the puzzle is not complete.

It would be irrational and self-destructive for one puzzle piece to hurt or destroy another puzzle piece because the integrity of the whole puzzle, which each piece is ultimately dependent upon, would be damaged in the process.

We are all puzzle pieces. Each of us looks different but we’re all the same. Each of us a piece of the puzzle, a piece of the total picture, a piece of God. When we attack one another, we are being irrational and self-destructive because we are attacking the integrity of the whole organism, we are attacking the Oneness which each of us is a part of. We are essentially attacking God when we attack any of his children.

And so it behooves us to appreciate the Oneness of Life, that despite differences and diversity, we are all the same, that we were all cut from the same cloth, that we are all part of the whole, that we are all interconnected, that we were all created by God and deserve equally all the blessings of life that God offers, that we need to share our blessings with others, that we need to care about those less fortunate than ourselves, that there is one thing we need to do above all else and that is to treat others as we wish to be treated.

Love ye one another.

This is how we will unify our nation and our world. With love. With acceptance. With tolerance and with forgiveness. This is what we must practice and preach. Love. Acceptance. Tolerance and Forgiveness. This is how we must behave towards each other. This is the behavior we need to role model for our children. Unconditional love, acceptance, tolerance and forgiveness.

We must teach our children well. We must teach our children to recognize their spiritual brothers and sisters in everyone they see, regardless of what they look like, what clothes they are wearing, what country they came from, the color of their skin, the language they speak, or the God they believe in.

We must teach our children and everyone we meet the virtues of generosity, courtesy, consideration, humility and grace. We must teach our children and everyone we meet to be of service to others, to aid others as best we can, to ask the question, “How can I help you?” rather than “What’s in it for me?”

We must teach our children and everyone we meet to find ways to let go of anger and hurt, to see the God in people, the good in people, despite how they’re behaving, to find ways to hate the sin but love the sinner.

We must teach our children and everyone we meet that there is a oneness, there is a wholeness of which we are all a part, that we are all inextricably bound together, that we each have a responsibility to each other, that we ARE our brother’s keeper, that we must exclude no one from our love, that we’re all in this together, that nobody wins if anybody loses.

In this election year and the years to come, try to remember that it is our job not to elect leaders but to BE leaders, to be the role models that our world needs to survive and to thrive. It is our job to find the similarities, the commonalities rather than the differences. It is our job to find ways to unify rather than divide. It is our job to remember that either we all hang together or we will surely hang separately.

Forgive To Win!

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

Posted by Walter E Jacobson, MD on February 18th, 2012 in First30Days Book, General, Spirituality | No comments Read related posts in acceptance, compassion, demonizing, fear mongering, politicians, solutions, tolerance, unity

08 feb

Harness the Power of Mirroring

KristinOfflier What’s your greatest fear? Maybe you can name it in a heartbeat. Maybe it takes you a second to think through all the things that could be considered your top fear. Either way, chances are whatever you named isn’t really your biggest, most consuming fear. It might actually be buried deeper than you realize, quietly rearing its head in your everyday life disguised as something else entirely.
If you’ve ever been frustrated with or judgmental toward another person, you’ve been given a glimpse into your biggest fears.

Hear me out.

When something about another person bothers us, like being afraid of looking or acting a certain way, we reject those characteristics and thus reject those people. This may sound like a highly conscious behavior, but it happens so subtly that you’ll think it’s the other person who is in the wrong.

Let me give you an example. Say you have a friend who is always mimicking others. Maybe she buys the same clothes as her friends, orders the same food at dinners out, and plans the same vacations. Maybe she frustrates you because it seems like she’s never thinking for herself or following her own path in life. That resentment grows over time, until you’re at a point where you can hardly stand to be around this person because every word she says starts to sound phony and insincere.

At first glance, you may be thinking that it’s your friend’s actions that are rubbing you the wrong way.

But let’s hold up a mirror to your friend and see what reflects back. What bothers you about this other person are actually the things that bother you about yourself!

In this hypothetical situation, if you listed every behavior, action or experience with your friend that upset you, I bet you could pull back the veil on each one and see how those are actually your personal fears.

Maybe you’re afraid of seeming like you can’t think for yourself, so that behavior in others irritates you. Maybe you were once accused of being phony, so now you reject that characteristic in other people because you’re terrified of looking that way yourself.
What you judge about other people are often things you don’t want to see in yourself. They’re the things that scare you on a deeper level than public speaking or death, but you’ll never really see them honestly until you mirror your feelings of others.

This technique is as simple as it sounds: hold up a metaphorical mirror every time you think something judgmental about another person.

“Oh, she looks so bad in those pants,” turns into, “I’m afraid of people thinking I don’t look good.”

“That person is so fat, why doesn’t he take care of himself?” is actually, “I am afraid of gaining weight and I wish I was healthier and fitter.”

“He thinks he knows everything,” becomes, “I’m afraid of being perceived as a know-it-all,” or even, “Deep down I’m terrified I don’t know anything at all and it’s obvious to everyone.”

There are countless ways to interpret your thoughts when you mirror them off other people. Only you can judge which interpretation is true to your life experience. Many of the things you think about other people are actually deep-rooted beliefs about yourself that were put there by family members, teachers, friends, and even yourself.

So how can you use mirroring to overcome your deepest fears or personal issues? Start by recognizing every judgmental, angry, or hostile thought you have about other people and ask yourself what that thought says about you. Don’t brush it off; chances are, the more likely you are to dismiss a negative thought about someone else, the more you should be turning that thought inward and examining yourself deeper.

Mirroring may sound silly, but give it a try and see if you don’t learn at least a few things about yourself in the process. Once you start recognizing your truest worries and fears, you can begin to change them. From there, your whole life will open up for you.

Kristin Offiler is a freelance writer in Rhode Island who writes for a site that helps students find the right psychology degree.

Posted by Kristin Offiler on February 8th, 2012 in Uncategorized | No comments

20 jan

Recognizing the Small Things in Life

Erastus My Name is Erastus Wambugu, male, 31, from Kenya. I was born in and still live in one of the major informal settlement areas known as Majengo Slums with lots of overcrowding and poverty.

My community faces many challenges, such as, housing—most houses are in bad condition as they lack toilets. Health facilities are fair, the youth hardly go to school, and unemployment is high. Many of my peers end up using drugs or go into prostitution.

Little girls who drop out of school either engage in prostitution as a way of earning a livelihood or get married at an early age. Young boys can be found drinking illegal brew (chang’aa) or taking drugs as they try to escape from the reality of life.

I come from a small loving family of three brothers and one sister. I, who was the first born and according to African customs, have the extra responsibility of ensuring that family members live together when the parents are not around.

The first born is assumed to be mature compared to his siblings and is expected to make effective decisions concerning their lives and always to give them direction.

My mum was a housewife and used to put a lot of emphasis on education. She made sure that we all went to school when some of my friends’ parents didn’t care about it. We used to play in the gutters and pools of dirty water. Today all those grounds have been grabbed for construction of more houses.

Living within the community has not been an easy experience. Countless number of days have I survived on eating a meal a day. On several occasions I recall sleeping on an empty stomach after drinking a bottle of water and covering myself with a blanket hoping that the following day would be better. In such situations, I used to feel my stomach make strange noises and time moved slowly. Sleep would be far from me leaving me rolling from one corner of the bed to another.

Crime is a way of life as I remember painfully how Sam, who used to be my neighbor, was shot dead after mugging a lady in an attempt to steal her handbag. He did not obey police orders to stop to be apprehended and was shot while escaping.

I count myself blessed for going to college and earning a certificate in Photo-Journalism despite being unable to continue due to lack of college fees. I had to sacrifice the opportunity so as to enable my younger siblings attend high school, too.

After being introduced by a friend to a nearby Community Centre known as St. John Community Centre, I started volunteering for community work which used to include a weekly youth forum. The purpose of the forum was to bring youths living in this Community together to discuss issues affecting them and find solutions for our many problems. Some of the topics included early pregnancy, abortions, crime, unemployment, early marriages, among others.

The majority of the guys who used to attend this forum were primary school drop outs who lacked truth about these subjects. I felt a great passion to share what I knew with them by doing research on the subject and bringing it to the discussion the following week. Through my commitment, this organization sponsored me to attend workshops on peer education, youth mentorship and, most recently, training as a Paralegal on Human Rights.

It was not until three years ago when a Community Radio station known as Ghetto FM was started in this Community and I was among the first unpaid volunteers. I am a presenter and head of the Governance program. I host two programs named Maisha ya Ghetto (Life in the Ghetto) and Soul Train. Maisha Ya Ghetto runs Monday through Wednesday from 10:00 a.m. to 1:00 p.m. It is an interactive programme highlighting different socio-economic issues affecting the community and giving listeners the forum to debate and seek solutions to the problem facing them. The programme invites call-ins and short text messages. The aim is to have listeners make informed choices and empower them to improve the value of their lives besides contributing to the social and economic progress in their own communities.

My research on the programs airs via the internet besides going only to stakeholders and opinion leaders in the community to get facts about the topic to be discussed. I then deliver the package effectively in the language they can understand and appreciate. I organize and welcome experts to be part of the discussion as panelists so that they can provide professional views and opinions on the topics we discuss. I encourage feedback from my listeners about the program through calling, sending short messages, or emailing to tell us the effect of the program.

The second show is called Soul Train which runs from 1:00 p.m. to 4:00 p.m. every Sunday. It’s a life-changing program which invites guests to share their inspirational stories, because many of my listeners are at home relaxing o the show and enjoying the soul music.

I spend time earning a living from washing cars in neighboring car wash and sometimes fetching water for the residents when I am not in the studio making ends meet. I compile my program research at night using a kerosene lamp.

It was during my research work that I came across Kasha Glazerbrook. We have started with a book club here in the slums with few books, from our own savings. Guys in the slum borrow the book to read and return free of charge. Our plan is to access more books and donate to schools in the Community. Also writing materials for needy children in the community. The name of the club is Riz and Kasha book club.

I feel also honored for donating some books to give some members in the communities who really deserve them and the number have been overwhelming to get a chance to read. These books are giving hope where there was none and encouraging following one inner voice. Ariane de Bonvoisin is training me how to learn how to write stories.

My dream is to get back to college and pursue Journalism so that I can be able to work effectively in my work as a radio presenter. I will also be competitive in this industry by highlighting issues affecting people. I will be in position to earn a living through my career and support my younger brother who I am living with and much willing to go college.

I have come to learn to recognize small things in life which many people never spend some time to recognize and bring much joy and laughter inner being. A person will always be judged according to how he reacts to a problem but not the situation he is at the moment. The more challenging situation life throws at you should be a golden opportunity to learn something new and accept the responsibility. Follow your heart to achieve your dream as it will never lie to and stop listening to people as they will always judge you. I take as my inspiration a saying from Winston Churchill, who once said “Never give up! Never give up! Never give up!”

Posted by Erastus Wambugu on January 20th, 2012 in Uncategorized | No comments

19 jan

See Beings Not Bodies

What happens when you look at someone?
The Practice:
See beings, not bodies.
Why?

When we encounter someone, usually the mind automatically slots the person into a category: man, woman, your friend Tom, the kid next door, etc. Watch this happen in your own mind as you meet or talk with a co-worker, salesclerk, or family member.

In effect, the mind summarizes and simplifies tons of details into a single thing – a human thing to be sure, but one with an umbrella label that makes it easy to know how to act. For example: “Oh, that’s my boss (or mother-in-law, or boyfriend, or traffic cop, or waiter) . . . and now I know what to do. Good.”

This labeling process is fast, efficient, and gets to the essentials. As our ancestors evolved, rapid sorting of friend or foe was very useful. For example, if you’re a mouse, as soon as you smell something in the “cat” category, that’s all you need to know: freeze or run like crazy!

On the other hand, categorizing has lots of problems. It fixes attention on surface features of the person’s body, such as age, gender, attractiveness, or role. It leads to objectifying others (e.g., “pretty woman,” “authority figure”) rather than respecting their humanity. It tricks us into thinking that a person comprised of changing complexities is a static unified entity. It’s easier to feel threatened by someone you’ve labeled as this or that. And categorizing is the start of the slippery slope toward “us” and “them,” prejudice, and discrimination.

Flip it around, too: what’s it like for you when you can tell that another person has slotted you into some category? Read more »

Posted by Dr. Rick Hanson on January 19th, 2012 in General, Relationships, Things We Love | No comments Read related posts in appreciation, authenticity, Consciousness, happiness, honesty, mindfulness, personal growth, Rick Hanson, thoughts and feelings

16 jan

Step Into the Clouds

Juggling bricks?
The Practice:
Step into the cloud.
Why?

I had a lightbulb moment recently: I was feeling stressed about all the stuff I had to do (you probably know the feeling). After this went on for a while, I stepped back and kind of watched my mind, and could see that I was thinking of these various tasks as things, like big rocks that were rolling down a hill toward me and which needed to be handled, lifted, moved, fended off, or broken into pebbles. As soon as I dealt with one thing-y boulder, another one was rolling toward me. Shades of Sisyphus.

Seen as brick-like entities, no wonder these tasks felt heavy, oppressive, burdensome. Yuch!

But then I realized that in fact the tasks I needed to do were more like clouds than things. Clouds are made up of lots of vaporous little bits, those bits come together for a time due to many swirling causes, and then they swirl away again. Meanwhile, the edge or boundary of a cloud blurs into other clouds or the sky itself. There is a kind of insubstantiality to clouds, and a softness, a yielding.

For example, take writing an email message: It has lots of little parts to it (the points you need to take into account, and the words and sentences), it is nested in a larger context – your relationship to the receiver, the needs that prompted the email – that (in a sense) calls it forth, and it emerges and passes away. This email, this task, links to other tasks, sort of blurs into them. Fundamentally, the email is a kind of process, an event, rather than a thing. It’s like you could put your hand through it.

When I considered my tasks in this way, I immediately felt better: relieved, relaxed. Tasks felt fluid, like streams or eddies I was stepping into and influencing or contributing to as best I could before they swirled on and became something else. Not so weighty or full of inertia; not so resistant, so controlling of me; not bearing down on me, but instead, something I was flowing into. Then I didn’t feel weary dealing with them. They became fun, lighter; there was more freedom in moving through them.

And it’s not just tasks that are clouds. Read more »

Posted by Dr. Rick Hanson on January 16th, 2012 in General, Relationships, Things We Love | No comments Read related posts in authenticity, Buddha’s Brain, know yourself, mindfulness, personal growth, purpose, Rick Hanson, self help

06 jan

Pet The Lizard

Down deep, do you feel at ease?
The Practice:
Pet the lizard.
Why?

I’ve always liked lizards.

Growing up in the outskirts of Los Angeles, I played in the foothills near our home. Sometimes I’d catch a lizard and stroke its belly, so it would relax in my hands, seeming to feel at ease.

In my early 20’s, I found a lizard one chilly morning in the mountains. It was torpid and still in the cold and let me pick it up. Concerned that it might be freezing to death, I placed it on the shoulder of my turtleneck, where it clung and occasionally moved about for the rest of the day. There was a kind of wordless communication between us, in which the lizard seemed to feel I wouldn’t hurt it, and I felt it wouldn’t scratch or bite me. After a few hours, I hardly knew it was there, and sometime in the afternoon it left without me realizing it.

Now, years later, as I’ve learned more about how the brain evolved, my odd affinity for lizards has started making sense to me. To simplify a complex journey beginning about 600 million years ago, your brain has developed in three basic stages: Read more »

Posted by Dr. Rick Hanson on January 6th, 2012 in General, Health, Relationships, Things We Love | No comments Read related posts in appreciation, biological evolution, brain, Buddha’s Brain, change, Consciousness, fear, meditation, mindfulness, Neuroplasticity, personal growth, psychological factors, self help, self love, thoughts and feelings

04 jan

Purpose. Passion. Practice. Persistence. Step Up to the Plate & Take Your Best Shot

WEJMD Many people are afraid to go after their dreams, to take action, to implement…. out of fear that they will fail, look stupid, feel shamed, and have to acknowledge that they weren’t good enough… Bottom line: You won’t know if you don’t go. Yes you may strike out and that would be painful, but you’ve got no chance of hitting a home run unless you step up to the plate. The other consideration: It is the doing, the process, that makes one a success and that opens the doors to all sorts of possibilities we never could have imagined. Seek not to deprive yourself of personal fulfillment by letting fear, insecurity and self-doubt get in the way of your self-expression. Go forth with joy and gratitude, and take your best shot.

On an entirely different note: I am on Day 4 of the ACIM Workbook For Students: “These thoughts do not mean anything. They are like the things I see in this room.” … The point being: The thoughts we think, perceived as either “good” or “bad”, are actually masking or blocking our True Thoughts. They are a meaningless smokescreen designed by our ego, born of fear, to maintain the belief in separation. Insofar as the things we see are a projection of our thoughts, since we’re not really thinking, we’re not really seeing. Only when our Mind is grounded in Unity, Oneness, and Unconditional Love, Forgiveness, and Acceptance will we actually see the Real World with all of its miraculous beauty and eternal peacefulness.

For those of you who view the above paragraph as too far out there… understood. A Course In Miracles is not for everyone. It’s not an easy read. It’s not an easy program to master, which is why I wrote my book, Forgive To Win!, which shares the core concepts of the Course but explains them in ways that are easier for most people to understand and apply. I encourage you to take a look at the book on Amazon where you can peek inside. Additionally, if you subscribe to my free newsletter you can download a free chapter from the book on Self-Loathing & Self-Sabotage.

Which brings me back to the initial paragraph I wrote about going after your dreams and taking action: When we learn how to love ourselves and forgive ourselves – the crux of A Course In Miracles and Forgive To Win!, we eliminate the unconscious self-sabotaging programming getting in the way of our happiness, our relationships, our physical well-being, our success, our prosperity and our inner peace.

When we meld tools of self-mastery with humanistic choices as to how we perceive and treat others, there are no limits, there is nothing we can’t accomplish. It is not simply faith that moves mountains. It is forgiveness, acceptance and love. Hold these thoughts in your mind as much as you can, as best you can, wherever you are and under all circumstances, regardless of how others are behaving, without conditions or exceptions — and watch your world get better.

No joke. No lie. It works if you work it: Change your Mind. Change your Life. Change your World.

Peace, joy and blessings to you all!

Forgive To Win!

Posted by Walter E Jacobson, MD on January 4th, 2012 in Career, First30Days Book, General, New Directions, Relationships, Spirituality | No comments Read related posts in happiness, prosperity, self fulfillment, success

04 jan

Three Ways to Killer Focus

Have you seen the movie Limitless?

Bradley Cooper plays struggling author Eddie Morra, who is suffering from serious writer’s block. His life dramatically changes when he runs into his former brother-in-law, who introduces him to NZT, a revolutionary new drug that allows him to instantly focus and tap into his full potential.

Voila! He cleans up years of clutter in his apartment, starts working out, finishes his book in four days, learns to speak Italian and Chinese, outsmarts the stock market and even executes Bruce Lee moves in defending himself against a subway attack.

Ah, the rewards of being focused: a sense of purpose and accomplishment, and — because he looks like Bradley Cooper — lots of attention from women. But just as athletes who use steroids run into serious health risks in trying to accelerate their muscle growth, Eddie soon discovered there were brutal side effects (like death, for example) to taking the “focus” pill.

THERE ARE NO SHORTCUTS

Popping a pill for instant focus without any side effects is, in fact, too good to be true. Just as you do with a physical muscle, you have to exercise and train your focus if you want it to get stronger.

Some people need external pressure – a looming deadline, last-minute procrastination, all the bases loaded — to force themselves to focus. Without it, however, they feel out of control, meandering around without direction or purpose.

Others simply crumble when the pressure is on. You can’t suddenly lift 300 pounds if you haven’t been consistently building up strength and stamina. Likewise, if you’re used to cutting corners and not paying full attention, it will be almost impossible to galvanize when there’s actually something at stake and you need to perform your best.

With a well-primed focus muscle, however, you can start to deliver the consistent performance that leads to consistently superior results.

SO HOW DO YOU DO THAT

When I was growing up, my mom used to walk by the living room where I was practicing the piano and yell through the door: “Concentrate!” In the years since, I’ve discovered some slightly more effective strategies to step up my focus game. Here are three:

Get in the habit of deliberate practice. The problem with most modern jobs is that they aren’t designed to make us better at anything. Typically, we have an external objective to meet and our focus is on getting it done — that’s it. If we want to improve a particular skill along the way, we have to make a deliberate choice to do so.
As Geoff Colvin points out in his book, Talent Is Overrated, “The essence of deliberate practice is continually stretching an individual just beyond his or her current abilities.” This means you have to clearly identify specific criteria and elements of your “performance” that you want to improve – your ability to persuade, for example, or express your ideas — and then work intently on them.

Yes, this requires extreme focus and concentration. That’s what makes it “deliberate” — as distinct from the mindless playing of scales (who, me?) or conversation that most people engage in. But deliberate practice is why I now make more progress in two hours at the piano than I did in the four or five hours everyday when I was a child.

Implement adversity training. Instead of moaning about all the distractions you have to deal with, think of them as extreme training for your focus muscle. Sports psychologist Don Greene suggests: “Try preparing your taxes with your kids running around the room, or with the television going or someone talking on the phone. Layer on distractions—sights, sounds, and sensations—one by one, until you can sustain your focus despite all of them going on at once. You will very rarely be working or performing under ideal conditions. Instead of trying to remove stress, you might as well train for it.

Transport yourself. Not inspired or excited by your immediate environment? Why not imagine a different one. Children do it all the time, transforming the living room into a haunted castle, one minute, or a jungle filled with spies, in the next.

Why tether yourself, in spirit, to a tedious conference call when you can transport yourself to a boardroom, where you’re brokering a record-breaking deal? Or transform your treadmill workoutinto a training session for a boxing bout with Floyd Mayweather.

This is not about escaping reality via idle fantasy or daydreaming. Rather it’s about igniting your imaginative powers to imbue your ordinary routine with vivid detail and sensation, heightening your experience of reality.

Posted by Renita Kalhorn on January 4th, 2012 in Uncategorized | No comments

01 jan

Empty the Cup

Are you full to the brim?
The Practice:
Empty the cup.
Why?

Once upon a time, a scholar came to visit a saint. After the scholar had been orating and propounding for a while, the saint proposed some tea. She slowly filled the scholar’s cup: gradually the tea rose to the very brim and began spilling over onto the table, yet she kept pouring and pouring. The scholar burst out: “Stop! You can’t add anything to something that’s already full!” The saint set down the teapot and replied, “Exactly.”

Whether it’s the blankness of a canvas to an artist, the silence between the notes in music, bare dirt for a new garden, the not-knowing openness of a scientist exploring new hypotheses, an unused shelf in a closet or cupboard, or some open time in your schedule, you need space to act effectively, dance with your partners, and have room around your emotional reactions.

Yet most of us, me included, tend to stuff as much as possible into whatever room is available – room in closets, schedules, budgets, relationships, and even the mind itself. Read more »

Posted by Dr. Rick Hanson on January 1st, 2012 in General, Health, Relationships, Things We Love | No comments Read related posts in Buddha’s Brain, Consciousness, happiness, mindfulness, neuroscience, own your life, personal growth, psychological factors, Rick Hanson, scarce resources, self help, wisdom, work