Archive for February, 2011

27 feb

The Power of Acceptance

MikeRobbinsNewFor much of my life I’ve struggled to accept certain things about myself, others, and life that I don’t like. Being someone who is committed to change and transformation, the idea of “acceptance” has often seemed weak, wimpy, or like an admission of failure or powerlessness to me – although I have pretended to understand, believe in, and even teach the power of acceptance for a long time.

The truth is, I’ve been scared to fully embrace acceptance – worrying that if I truly accept certain aspects of myself that I don’t like, things about others that bother me, or circumstances in my life or in the world that aren’t okay with me, then somehow I wouldn’t be motivated to change them in a positive way or, even worse, I would get resigned about them and they would always stay the way they are – which, of course, to me would be “bad” or “wrong.”

The famous quote by Carl Jung, which I have quoted in both of my books and find myself saying all the time comes to mind here, “What you resist, persists.” It seems that I (and so many people I know, work with, and talk to) am constantly “resisting” (more like fighting against) the way things are. Whether it’s with our body, our work, our spouse, our family members, our friends, our co-workers, our finances, the state of the world and economy (especially these days), or many other things – we’re often arguing with reality instead of accepting it the way that it is.

Even though it can be scary and counter intuitive at times, acceptance is the first step in transformation. It’s very difficult and quite stressful (as I know from experience) to try to change things from a place of non-acceptance.

Acceptance is not resignation, failure, or agreement; it’s simply telling the truth and allowing things to be as they are. When we accept ourselves, others, and life – we can create a real sense of peace and let go of much of our suffering. And, from this place of peace and truth, we’re more able to not only appreciate life, but also to manifest the kind of circumstances, relationships, and outcomes we truly want.

Action: What You Can Do

Make a list (in your mind, in your journal, or on a piece of paper) of some of the things in your life right now that are causing you the most stress, pain, or anxiety. These things may have to do with work, money, relationships, health, things happening in the world, your body, or anything else.

As you think about or write these things down, ask yourself if you’re willing to “accept” them as they are right now. You don’t have to like, agree with, or want them to be this way…but, if you can start to accept these things, people, and situations in a genuine way – your ability to be at peace with them (and your life) and to ultimately change them in a positive way will be enhanced significantly.

Mike Robbins is a sought-after motivational keynote speaker, coach, and the bestselling author of Focus on the Good Stuff (Wiley) and Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken (Wiley). More info – www.Mike-Robbins.com

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Posted by Mike Robbins on February 27th, 2011 in Uncategorized | No comments Read related posts in , , , , , , ,

25 feb

Go for It – The Power of Boldness

MikeRobbinsNewDo you consider yourself bold or someone who goes for it with passion in life? Some of us do, but most people I know and work with, myself included, admit that they don’t often think of themselves as a bold person. Or, if we’ve done or said bold things in our lives, they seem to be few and far between…and they also seem to scare us half to death. Hence, we often don’t find ourselves going for it in our work and our life – or not nearly as much as we’d like (especially these past few years).

Being bold, while scary and challenging for many of us, is essential if we’re going to live an authentic, successful, and fulfilling life. Boldness is about stepping up and stepping out onto our “edge” in life – pushing the limits of what we think is possible or appropriate. It’s about living, speaking, and acting in ways that are both courageous and true to who we really are.

Because we’re all unique, our individual versions of boldness will look quite different. Something that might be “bold” for me, may not be so for you – or vice versa. Going for it has to do with us getting in touch with our deepest truths, passions, and desires in life and then having the courage to live and act “out loud” in a way that is congruent with this.

Here are five key reminders of what it takes to be bold and go for it in life:

1) Be True to Yourself – Tell and live your truth with courage, vulnerability, and commitment. We must also remain in a constant inquiry with ourselves about who we are and what’s important to us. It’s okay and necessary in this process to admit when we’ve made a mistake, gone off course, or done something that’s out of integrity for with ourselves, as well as if we feel totally lost (which we will at times). Being true to who we are is about being ruthlessly honest and forgiving with ourselves (and with others) in a way that is both fierce and compassionate.

2) Live with Passion – Passion comes from within us, not from the external circumstances, events, activities, or people in our lives. Being bold is about going for it, not holding back, and giving ourselves fully to our work, our relationships, and our lives. To do this we must generate authentic passion, which is both a powerful emotion as well as a state of being as well.

3) Step Out – Challenge yourself to say and do things that are outside of your comfort zone and that scare you. This will force you to “step out” in your life and step in to who you really are. We often don’t think we’re “ready,” we sometimes don’t know exactly what we’re supposed to do, and we almost never have a guarantee that things will work out. So what! As Ray Bradbury famously said, “Jump, and build your wings on the way down.”

4) Lean on Others – Support, inspiration, and accountability from other people are essential along our journey of boldness and authenticity. We can’t do it all by ourselves and it’s imperative that we reach out to others who believe in us, will tell us the truth, and can help us when we get stuck. Create a “dream team” of powerful and supportive people around you with whom you can share your hopes, dreams, and ideas. And, be willing to ask for and receive their support, contribution, and generosity.

5) When You Fall Down, Get Back Up – It’s important to make peace with the fact that you will fall down, probably a lot, if you’re really going for it and playing big in life. How we respond to falling down is what truly makes the difference in our lives. When we make a commitment to ourselves to get back up, dust ourselves off, be real about how we feel and what happened, and not let it stop us from being who we are and going for what we want – we tap into what true power, boldness, and authenticity are all about!

Mike Robbins is a sought-after motivational keynote speaker, coach, and the bestselling author of Focus on the Good Stuff (Wiley) and Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken (Wiley). More info – www.Mike-Robbins.com

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Posted by Mike Robbins on February 25th, 2011 in Uncategorized | No comments Read related posts in , , , , , , , , ,

14 feb

How to Appreciate Your Challenges

MikeRobbinsNewAre you facing challenges in your life or your business right now? These days, there are some real challenges facing many of us – at work, at home, in relationships, with money, with family, with housing situations, and much more.

The challenges themselves, even the most difficult ones, aren’t usually the real issue; it’s our relationship to them that causes us the most difficulty and suffering. Think of what your life, your relationships, and your career would be like if you didn’t complain about or resist challenges when they showed up? For most of us, myself included, this would make things very different and much more enjoyable.

Resisting, complaining about, or even feeling sorry for ourselves about the “bad” things that are happening is totally normal and what we’re often encouraged to do by people around us and our culture in general – whether we do it out loud with others or just in our own heads. However, these things, while understandable, don’t address the real issues, the genuine emotions we’re experiencing, or make things better for us.

I’m not advocating that we pretend everything is “fine” when it isn’t in some phony, Pollyanna way – that’s denial, which won’t help us either. However, the question in life isn’t whether or not we’ll face challenges, the question is what will we do and how will we respond in the face of the challenges that arise? Do we avoid really dealing with difficult things and learning from them by playing the role of the victim and not acknowledging our true feelings about them or do we face them directly, acknowledge our emotions, and choose to grow from the experience? It’s always up to us.

On our path of life, growth, and success, we all encounter difficulties. Many of the most successful and fulfilled people who’ve ever walked the planet have faced incredible obstcles. What if we actually appreciated these challenges? Remember, appreciating something doesn’t necessarily mean we like or enjoy it. Appreciation means that we recognize the value of it.

Here’s a list of some things we can appreciate when things get tough:

- Challenges often give us important feedback about where and who we are
- Challenges give us contrast and can help us appreciate things when they get easier
- Challenges can allow us to wake up and notice all the good things that are happening that we weren’t paying attention to
- Challenges are almost always a great opportunity for learning, growth, and improvement
- Challenges give us an opportunity to get in touch with, take responsibility for, and express our real emotions

By learning to appreciate our challenges and see the opportunities in them, we take our power back from the situations and circumstances of our lives. Our ability to appreciate difficulties, learn from them, and use them to our advantage, gives us an important insight into who we really are and how to create success and fulfillment in a conscious and deliberate way.

Action: What You Can Do

Make a list of some of the biggest challenges in your life right now. What can you appreciate about each of these difficulties? What are you learning from them? What are you able to appreciate in yourself and your life because of these things?

If you look for it, you’ll be able to find many things to appreciate about every one of them. Appreciating our challenges can allow us to accept them, learn from them, and ultimately take back our power from them. Doing this reminds us that we’re the authors of our lives – not the circumstances we’re facing.

Mike Robbins is a sought-after motivational keynote speaker, coach, and the bestselling author of Focus on the Good Stuff (Wiley) and Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken (Wiley). More info – www.Mike-Robbins.com

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Posted by Mike Robbins on February 14th, 2011 in Uncategorized | No comments Read related posts in , , , , , , , , ,

10 feb

Be a Great Valentine – Give the Gift of Words

Puhn5 Free Gifts for Him and Her

Are you looking for a meaningful Valentine’s Day without spending a dime? Share the gifts below with the one you love.

Gift of Words #1 – Compliment Your Mate Inside and Out:
There are two types of compliments: those that address a person’s outer appearance and those that address a person’s inner character. Surprisingly, our research shows 84% of people prefer to receive a character compliment as in, “you are an incredibly kind person,” over a comment like “your hair looks great.” Start sharing character comments with your honey today.

Gift of Words #2 – Show You Care:
We all experience unique events during our busy days so when our mate shows interest in our day’s happenings it creates an immediate loving bond with him/her. Find something in your mate’s schedule on Valentine’s Day (and other days too) such as a special meeting, an important errand, A doctor’s appointment, and call/text/email mid-day specifically to ask how it went.

Gift of Words #3 – Talk Forward:
If you want to have a special Valentine’s Day, it’s important to persuade your mate that he or she is special to you every day, not just on Valentine’s Day. Do this by “talking forward.” Take charge and make a thoughtful plan for the future.. On Valentine’s Day, say, “I’d like to make a special plan for us next month. Let’s go to __________. [Fill-in with something your mate enjoys, such as a museum, the theatre, shopping, a road trip, and so on.]? What do you think?”

Gift of Words #4 – Make an Offer:
If you want to receive instant love and appreciation from your honey, volunteer to do something for your mate before he or she asks you to do it. For example, offer to pick something up at the store, offer to repair something, prepare dinner or offer to put your kids to bed (if you don’t usually). A surefire way to boost your love life is to make an offer. It says to your mate, I care about you and when you’re happy, I’m happy.

Gift of Words #5 – Be Memorable:
Do and say memorable things this Valentine’s Day and year round. Instead of dining out, create a candlelit indoor picnic. Sing karaoke together. Arrange for a massage-together. Post love notes in surprise places. Buy a lasting plant instead of flowers. Phone your mate to give a heartfelt comment during the day like, “I love you because….”.

You will spark love and romance this Valentine’s Day (and the year through) by showering your sweetheart with the priceless gift of words. Visit www.fightlesslovemore.com and pick up a copy of my best-selling book, Fight Less, Love More, for more astonishing love-building advice and information.

Laurie Puhn is a Harvard-educated lawyer, couples mediator and best-selling author of Fight Less, Love More: 5-Minute Conversations to Change Your Relationship without Blowing Up or Giving In. This article is adapted from Fight Less, Love More.

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Posted by Laurie Puhn on February 10th, 2011 in Relationships | No comments Read related posts in ,

04 feb

5 Communication Tips to Spark Up Your Intimate Relationship

MotiRonitIn today’s fast paced society, more and more people find it difficult to listen to one another. The stress of modern, daily living affects many areas of our lives, and it particularly takes a huge toll on relationships. Too often, we tend to run our lives in a robotic manner, communicating through codes and SMS.

We often see people talking at one another rather than to each other, hearing but not really listening. Many cannot wait for individuals to finish talking. They cut them off before they complete their sentence, and in turn come up with an answer to bring up their own agenda. Chances are that you have been in this situation and can recall your feelings of frustration.

Do you remember a time in your life when you felt someone really listened to you with his/her whole being?

Do you recall listening to someone wholeheartedly with “all ears”?
Listening plays an important role in the success and vitality of relationships. Heartfelt listening enables an intimate connectedness and an empowered union to flourish. An honest wholehearted listening deepens the partners’ familiarity with one another and opens their eyes to explore the richness of each other’s inner worlds. It offers an opportunity to discover the mystery of intimacy.

Dr. Jack Zimmerman and Dr. Jaquelyn McCandells developed a relationship model for couples intimacy which is based on a unique way of communicating and listening without judgment .The practice named, “Flesh & Spirit”, emphasizes listening to the voice of the relationship, which best serves the relationship. This practice enables a heartfelt dialogue which transcends the couple’s relationship into a new path- a place of the heart. The model encourages the growth of the relationship as well as the individual empowerment within the relationship. Many couples that practice this heartfelt communication reported rejuvenation and a deepening of their intimate bond.

HERE ARE FIVE TIPS THAT IMPROVE AND DEEPEN INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS.
1. Designate time to frequently celebrate the relationship

Allocate a quiet place with no interruptions from cell phones, TV. etc. Create a romantic setting filled with candlelight. Sit, facing one another, hold hands, look into each other’s eyes and share a positive story, a positive memory that you remember about your partner. Focus on something you love and appreciate in your partner that brings a smile to your face.

Not only share with your partner what you feel will enhance the relationship and deepen your intimate bond, but also share what are you willing to do to make it happen.

The practice helps create a safe environment that can transform your relationship into a source of inspiration by stretching your imagination through, creativity, playfulness, humor, adventure and spontaneity. The transformation brings a fresh new energy and a renewed life force into the union.

2. Listening without interruption

Each time you feel like reacting when your partner speaks, take a deep breath, and listen to the end of his/her last word. It helps to use a talking piece, and only the person who speaks, holds it. Put the talking piece down when you finished speaking, and allow your partner to express him/her self.

3. Speaking from the “I feel”

Ask yourself, “am I communicating from my ego or from my heart?” Relax and be totally present. Allow your vulnerability to emerge when you speak from the” I feel” place rather than reacting or blaming. When speaking from the heart, share how you feel without pointing a finger. It creates a room for healing, as obstacles and challenges turn into stepping-stones and opportunities for growth.

4. Affirmations

We all can use positive affirmation… a show of love, kindness and support rather than criticism.

Express to your partner frequent words of affirmation. Compliment your partner. Leave love notes, write poems and love letters, and express positive validation towards your partner for the things he/she does that make you feel good. Familiarize yourself with those things that make your partner happy or that are important to him/her.

A hug, a pinch, or a smile will spark up your day. Your relationship thrives on such shows of affection.

5. From the “Me” to “We”

In every relationship, there is an individual voice within each partner that feeds self-indulgent, egotistical needs. But it is important to stay mindful of the relationship’s needs. This third voice is called “The Voice of the Relationship”, a neutral voice that serves the well being of the relationship. In times of tension, conflicts and disagreements, attuning to the voice of the relationship cultivates a conciliatory atmosphere by bringing a different perspective to consider. It’s like going out to the balcony to get a different view on things.

Dr. Moti Peleg & Ronit Rinat Peleg

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Posted by Moti & Ronit Peleg on February 4th, 2011 in Uncategorized | No comments Read related posts in , , , , , , , ,

02 feb

Coming Out of Survival 14: Learning to Say No

WaniManley14. Learning to Say No

A new friend in my life with whom I’ve very grown fond of recently held a charitable event to raise money for sick children at UM Hospital. I had every intention of attending the event in the weeks leading up to the event, wanted to attend, but I did not go. Instead, I spent the evening writing for my book and blog. That night, when I started to write, as usual, I was not all that inspired but I knew that I had to write as this book or blog was not going to write itself. During this time, I thought of him and how the event was going, whether it was successful and well attended and thought well wishes and for the event.

Strangely, I had no thoughts of guilt for not attending the event and thereby seeming to be an unsupportive friend, as I hadn’t even excused myself with him from the event. In other words, I did a “no call” “no show,” which is so not me. This all changed when I finally laid my head down to sleep when my seductive friend guilt and her main-squeeze disapproval paid me a visit. I started to feel really bad for not going, think thoughts of how I could have actually gone for a just a short time and returned back home to write and it wouldn’t have killed me, and it’s not like my book is anywhere close to being completed or like I have sweet deal with some publisher. I started to see myself as selfish and didn’t feel so good; after all, it wasn’t a party but a charitable event to benefit sick children. More so, I thought how I had really become selfish in the past year as I had shifted from that people-pleaser girl who always supported her friend’s at their events, parties, and gatherings no matter what (sound familiar?) to learning how to say, “Sweetheart, I love you, but the answer is no,” and instead be there for myself and put myself first.

As I went to bout with my inner vixens, I realized what I was doing, snapped out of it and told myself that I was exactly where I was that night doing exactly what I needed to be doing, which was writing, and the only proof I need that this is true is that I was not at the event and didn’t need to be. I realized that for the first time this shift in me was me having respect for myself, the gateway to self-love, which is something that I did not know I was lacking until I started this journey of personal development and enlightenment. After ignoring myself for years and always attending to the needs and desires of others, I was finally giving myself some much needed attention, discovering who I am and falling madly in love with myself; and consequently falling in love everyone and life in of itself.

Many of us (especially women) have been taught to always be there for others, to be supportive, or to always put others before you as it is the “right” and “moral” thing to do. We are also taught that putting yourself first or to always think of yourself first before others is selfish and being selfish is of course bad. Not so, but it is all part of our conditioning. I have come to realize on this journey that if I don’t start putting myself first and giving up the need to always be there for others, or to be seen as always being there for others, that my worst fear of being a “should-a, could-a, would-a,” which translates to “should-have, could-have, would-have had every opportunity to achieve whatever I want but didn’t do so and I have no excuse” would be on fast train to being true. In order for you live your own personal truth and have all that you so desire you have to be selfish sometimes and learn how to say “no” to others, especially when it comes to your time.

We are always there for other people but never there for ourselves and we are always helping others manifest their destiny while ours fall by the wayside. We continuously talk about what we want to do, are going to do, and it never gets done. Remember the words of Henry Ford; “you can’t build a reputation on what you are doing to do.” You build a reputation on what you have done and what you have become. In my moment of lamenting over my friend’s event, I knew that if I don’t keep saying “no” to invites and to certain other things in my life as well as let of the need of always having to be there for everyone except for myself that this book, which is tied to my personal truth and purpose, would never get written and published as I so desire.

And so I ask you. What things in your life are not getting done because you are so busy being there for other people and concern with being a people pleaser? What things do you want to do that have not yet been done? What dreams do you that have been deferred? Take a look and see and learn how to say “no” and start putting yourself first so that you don’t die with your music still left inside you. And if any guilt sets in within you, just remember that the greatest gift you can give to anyone is living your own personal truth and purpose, which actually affects everyone around you both near and afar.

With Love,

Wani

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Posted by Wani Manly on February 2nd, 2011 in Uncategorized | No comments

02 feb

Let Go of Worry

MikeRobbinsNewHow often do you catch yourself worrying?

When I was a kid my mom used to say to me, “95% of what you worry about never happens.” I think she recognized that I was the “worrying type” and was trying to help ease my mind. Although this rarely worked, I appreciated her sentiment and know now that she was right.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been prone to worrying. I continue to work on this, let it go, forgive myself for it, and choose different ways of being in the face of my fear. And, I still catch myself worrying more than I’d like – about the future, about my body, about how things will turn out, about what people think about me, about money, about the well-being of my loved ones, about the state of the world, and much more.

However, no matter how much we worry, it never really helps. And, as we look deeper at what worrying actually is – a set-up for failure, a negative attractor, and a denial or avoidance of feeling our true feelings – we see that it can have a damaging impact on our lives, our work, and our relationships. When we worry, we’re simply preparing to be upset or angry – assuming something won’t work out in the future.

Worry not only creates stress, it has an impact (usually negative) on what we create and manifest, and on our experience of life in general. Worry is a superficial emotion. It’s clearly something that many of us are all familiar with, can share with others in a way that will garner sympathy, empathy, or even pity, and is easy for us to go through daily life experiencing. However, underneath our worry are usually deeper emotions like shame, fear, guilt, hurt, or anger; many of which are more difficult for us to feel and express.

If we’re able to tell the truth and face our deeper feelings, we won’t have to waste our time and energy worrying. We can then deal with the root of the issue, not the superficial impact of it (which is what worry usually is).

There’s nothing wrong with feeling scared, angry, hurt, and even “worried,” in and of itself. These emotions, like love, gratitude, excitement, joy, and others are very important to our human experience. Emotions that are felt deeply and expressed appropriately give us power (regardless of what they are). Emotions that are not felt deeply, that are denied or avoided, and are not effectively expressed, can be damaging to us and those around us.

Worry is always a sign that there are some deeper feelings or issues for us to address. It’s often a good reminder for us to get more real, take better care of ourselves, and pay attention.

Below is a list of some things you can do when you get worried. These simple ideas can help you move through your worry in a positive way:

1. When you notice yourself worrying; stop, check in with yourself, and take a few slow deep breaths (all the way down to your belly)

2. Ask yourself, what’s underneath my worry? (i.e. why am I really worried and what am I really feeling?)

3. Face, feel, and express these underlying emotions – get support from others in this process if you need it.

4. Once you have felt and expressed these emotions, choose how you want to feel and what you want to create, instead of playing the role of the victim.

5. Appreciate yourself for the courage it takes to be honest and to deal with the challenging situations or emotions you’re experiencing.

6. Focus on the good stuff in your life (i.e. be grateful for what you have, who you are, and what you’re going through)

7. Be of service to others – generously put your attention on those around you who can benefit from your help. It will be a great gift to them and to you. Service can allow you to shift your attention from your worry to what you have to give, which is a true win-win for everyone involved.

Mike Robbins is a sought-after motivational keynote speaker, coach, and the bestselling author of Focus on the Good Stuff (Wiley) and Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken (Wiley). More info – www.Mike-Robbins.com

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Posted by Mike Robbins on February 2nd, 2011 in Uncategorized | No comments Read related posts in , , , , , , , , , , ,

01 feb

The Listening to the Soul and the Voice of Destiny

MotiRonitThe silent voices or sounds of the soul and destiny not only require attentive and intuitive listening, but also conscious observation. Hidden by nature, in the imaginary realm, these mysterious voices reveal or manifest in signs and synchronicities. Emerging through signals and clues, the voices direct us to our date with destiny; the authentic place to fulfill our essence, the place one needs to reduce the levels of egotistical propelling noise, tension and self-imposed thoughts that impede us from connecting to our soul and to our suppressed authentic self.

We need to exercise the practice of meditation and other relaxing methods, as well as silent observation and intuitive listening, where we hear our heart beat, we breathe and don’t think. As we relax, the more we connect to our soul, our humanity, the universe and to our humble being. The more we surrender to this process and recognize our humanity, we become grateful to our true self. We calm down and connect both to self and to those with whom we interact. This listening practice complements one’s ability to become more intuitive in listening and become more observant in extracting meaning from the synchronicities and signs that lead to a certain development of significance in our lives. Attuning to these clues, though mysterious, opens us to opportunities and increases the probability that magical things are in the process of occurring in our life. We just need to intuitively listen, make a decision, and take the initiative to make a move.

-Moti

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Posted by Moti & Ronit Peleg on February 1st, 2011 in Uncategorized | No comments

01 feb

The Challenge of Intimate Bonding

MotiRonitResearch shows that more than 80% of life’s satisfactions that contributes to one’s happiness derive from a meaningful and intimately close relationship with loved ones. Still, a question remains. If one’s most important aspirations in life are to bond, love and be loved, why are so many of us not attempting to make our relationships all they can be? What is holding most of humanity from fulfilling what seems to be the single most important purpose of our being? Ironically, in reality many people in intimate relationships experience the opposite pulling forces of a wish and fear of a relationship. It causes them to delay experiencing true intimacy with their present mates, by either giving up or passively awaiting a miracle that would rejuvenate their stale or combative relationship. Too many people live a lonely and loveless existence. Many dream of finding their destined soul mate, but in reality their love is delayed or fails to show up.

We rationalize and tell ourselves that as soon as we finish the pressing tasks that consume us, we will devote more time to our intimate relationships whether with our mate, our parents, our children or other significant others. We tell our mate that we will be more passionate and romantic when things slow down. We promise ourselves that at some point in the future, as soon as we find more time, we will listen from the heart, be more mindful and accepting, compassionate and intimate with our relationships. We convince ourselves that our true love will emerge if we wait for it long enough or if we don’t rock the shaky boat of our present relationship. We tell ourselves that soon we will find an opportunity to express love to our partner, our parents or our children but we never do it or it rarely happens.

We postpone intimate closeness, when deep within we know that there will never be a better time to take a leap and risk being vulnerable enough to make that long awaited positive change. We experience an uphill challenge just thinking of the shift we could make in our dysfunctional ways of relating, and become more truthful to ourselves and loving from a heartfelt place. We are reluctant to reach out to the most precious, most delicate and most painfully deprived area in our being that of intimate love. Though we wish and crave love, we paradoxically hesitate to take the step to embrace love because fear of rejection, humiliation and hurt continue to dominate our emotions even if we know that tomorrow may never come.

When we postpone intimate love, days slip into weeks, weeks slip into months and months slip into years. Before we know it, we realize that we spend many precious years of our life avoiding the chance to claim the dearest of our birth right gifts-love! The love bond we give birth to in our dreams transcends us to a higher ground as beings, connecting us to our highest potential. But we tend to fear love’s magnitude since in the process of intimate bonding, our mate becomes our mirror. The joy of our deepening intimate love relationship brings us face to face with our human shadows and imperfections. Thus, even though we wish to fulfill love’s magical promise and re-ignite our present intimate relationship, we remain stagnated, fearing love.

The practice of (ETH) “Ego to Heart”, a couple’s weekend workshop in which we conduct globally, is literally a simple heartfelt communication practice. It centers on helping couples and the individual partners in the relationship transform their bond through authentic listening, making a shift from ego centered “me”, to a heartfelt “we”. According to Zimmerman & McCandless, when partners risk going beyond self-involvement and are able to authentically see, hear and feel each other and the relationship with heightened intuitive awareness, they enter a state of “Third Presence” (the voice of the relationship). It is an entity, a pure witness that allows a more soulful, spontaneous communication between the two. It helps partners become increasingly aware of their infinite capacity to love beyond ordinary secular connectedness. Thus, intimate bonding increasingly deepens as it opens the couple to the mystery of wholeness and the divine. It is then, in a safer and increasingly supportive intimate bond, that partners can break away from past dysfunctional patterns and overcome their fears. It is through this experience that they have the opportunity to transform their shadows into lights that shade a healthier, more in the moment way of being.

Dr. Moti Peleg

For more information on Dr. Moti and Ronit Peleg, Ego to Heart workshops, their Oprah Show appearance and their upcoming book, “Destined Encounter,” go towww.ego2heart.org.

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Posted by Moti & Ronit Peleg on February 1st, 2011 in Relationships | No comments

01 feb

It’s Okay to Ask for Help

MikeRobbinsNewHow do you feel about asking other people for help?

I’ve noticed that many of us, myself included, get a little funny about requesting support. While we’re all different and we each have our own unique perspective, reaction, and process as it relates to reaching out to others, it seems that this can be quite a tricky exercise for most of the people I know and work with.

I have somewhat of a bi-polar relationship to asking for help myself. I can definitely be a “lone ranger” at times and often, especially when I feel stressed or pressured, try to do everything myself – either because I feel insecure about asking for support or because I self righteously think that I’m the only one who can do it the “right” way. On the other hand, I can sometimes be quite pushy, forceful, and presumptuous with my requests (aka demands) of support (or so I’ve been told). Ah, to be human!

However, as I’ve also experienced personally and seen in others many times throughout my life and in my work, there is a beautiful place of balance between going it all alone and demanding help from others in an obnoxious way. This all stems from our ability to genuinely ask for and graciously receive the support of other people. The irony of this whole phenomenon is that most of us love to help others, while many of us have a hard time asking others for help ourselves.

Requesting support can often make us feel vulnerable. We usually think (somewhat erroneously) that we should be able to do everything ourselves or that by admitting we need help, we are somehow being weak. In addition, many of us are sensitive about being told “no” and by asking others to help us we put ourselves out there and risk being rejected.

What if we had more freedom to ask for what we wanted and for specific support from other people? What if we could make requests in a confident, humble, and empowering way? What if we remembered that we are worthy of other people’s help and that our ability to both ask for and receive it not only supports us, but also gives them an opportunity to contribute (which most people really want to do).

It still might be a little scary, we may get our feelings hurt from time to time, and on occasion people may have some opinions or reactions to what we ask for or how we do so. But, when we give ourselves permission and remind ourselves that it’s not only okay, but essential for us to ask for help – we can create a true sense of support and empowerment in our lives and in our relationships!

Here are a few things we can do to have more freedom and confidence when asking for help.

1) Make Genuine Requests, without Attachment. A “genuine” request can be accepted or declined, without any consequence. In other words, if we get really upset when someone says “no” to us, not only were we attached to the outcome, it probably wasn’t a real request to begin with (it was a demand). When we ask for what we want, without being attached to the response, we have more freedom to ask and ultimately our chances of getting what we want are greatly increased.

2) Be Easy To Support. There are some specific things we can do to make it easier to support us. Such as:

- Be open to the coaching and feedback of others
- Thank people for their support
- Let people do things to support us in their own unique way instead of micro-managing them (this one is often tough for me)
- Allow people’s support when it is offered

3) Give Your Support to Others Generously. When we put our attention on supporting other people, the universe has a way of returning the favor. It may or may not always come back to us from the people we help specifically, and that’s okay. We want to do our best not to “keep score,” as many of us often do, but instead to look for opportunities to genuinely help those around us. When we do this, we remind ourselves of the power of support and we experience it as the true “win-win” it is.

Mike Robbins is a sought-after motivational keynote speaker, coach, and the bestselling author of Focus on the Good Stuff (Wiley) and Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken (Wiley). More info – www.Mike-Robbins.com

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Posted by Mike Robbins on February 1st, 2011 in Uncategorized | No comments Read related posts in , , , , , , , ,