First 30 Days Blog

11 aug

Love in a Mess

I am beginning to understand that my story is not original, but here it is. I have been married for eight years, with him for 13. We have two young children. We have never had a passionate relationship although historically we have been fantastic friends. The older I have gotten the more I have begun to crave the attention and passion missing between us. Then through the magic of Facebook I met again a friend from high school. We began talking and fell in love.

I have never loved another person the way I love him. This all leads me to two questions: Is it right to persue my selfish desire for love and happiness at the expense of breaking up my family? Or do I remain committed to the family I have helped create? I want to do what is right. Most would say, as my therapist does, to try everything to save my marriage. We have been struggling for years and I feel exhausted. My husband is a good man, he deserves to be with someone who is in love with him – unfortunately that person does not seem to be me. I am not under any delusion that it will absolutely work out with this other man or that, if we did end up together, there wouldn’t be a pile of issues to work out there. However, he definitely has my heart.

Shared by AngelaL.

Posted by First 30 Days on August 11th, 2009 in Personal Stories | 1 comments

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  • Hmmmm … been there … done that. Don’t do it. I read your story and realized I could have written it. First things first … Facebook is not magic … that is an illusion. This is what I know now and you may not want to hear it … I know I probably would not have … but here goes. What is happening in your life is a call for growth … in you. And what is missing in your relationship is a change in perspective. Your perspective. You cannot change your husband you can only change yourself. Only what you are not giving can be lacking in any situation. So get real and honest with yourself. Your ego will try to stop you from looking at yourself because your ego is telling you that better is out there waiting for you. And you know when ego is involved because when we get what we want it is not long before we become dissatisfied again. I left my husband for the same reason. Lack of passion. I was also craving attention and felt invisible to him. Then someone from my past came back into my life. Life happened and we also did not stay together. There are no sure bets. Took me a couple of years to realize that it was me who needed to change. Worked on forgiveness … realized that I needed to forgive my husband and myself for not putting the passion into our marriage. I still love him … only now he has moved on. KARMA. We have three kids and a grandchild and we are good friends … but our choices (it takes two) changed the trajectory of all of our lives forever. Take a pause NOW. Base your decision on your values. Remember your children learn from how you move through your life. Surrender your heart to God. Learn about ego and how it will stop at nothing to sabotage your life. Live in the present. The past is over. The future is full of expectations based on thought … not reality. Take it one day at a time and smile.

    Shared by maggied.

    — Added by allan on August 20th, 2009

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