First 30 Days Blog

09 aug

Live in the Moment

I’m not really sure where to start. I’ve never done anything like this before because I’m a very private person, and have always tried to solve any hurdles in my life by myself. But I write today in the hopes to help someone else who may be going through something similar – and to let them know you are NOT alone. By talking about your changes, you will jump any hurdle.

But I wasn’t just going through one change in my life there were three changes at the same time. For the most part – I thought I was going to go crazy at points in my journey to today. In May, 2008 I lost my job, the company I worked for closed the office leaving 60 people out of work. I can’t describe the feeling of numbness as I stood at my desk, looking at all my work knowing I couldn’t touch anything, it was as if I had died and it was only my spirit standing there. In September 2008 I found a new job, but I hated what I was doing, I felt sick to my stomach before I left for work every day. I would physically feel the stress in my arm and chest and said to myself either I was going to have a nervous breakdown or have a heart attack. I had to make a tough decision. Do I stay in a job I hated and risk a breakdown or worse a heart attack, or do I quit my job in the middle of an economical recession and keep my keep my health. I chose the latter.

In March 2009 I quit my job. That’s when I hit rock bottom. I can’t begin to tell you all the emotions you go through – denial, guilt, anger, sadness, fear, but most of all – that my life was never going to feel the way it did before I lost my job in May 2008. My family and friends were very supportive, but I couldn’t get over the emotions of guilt for quitting my job. I thought of going to a therapist, but didn’t want to tell ANYONE what I was going through. Then there was a close friend who was dying of cancer, and thirdly lost of contact of another friend who meant the world to me and had changed my life. I truly believed I was where I suppose to be, and there is a reason for everything, but I needed to find a way to move forward and get relief from everything I was going through. My last resort was to go to the library and find a book on Self-Help. I’ve never read self-help books before – my attitude was I can do it on my own, but it was time to set aside my pride and find some help. That’s when Ariane de Bonvoision’s ‘the first 30 days’ book title jumped onto my screen. I checked out the book and started to read it. I soon started to see a change happen. No longer was I feeling guilty about being out of work, now I was figuring out what I wanted to do with my life and how to get the job I wanted. A week after I quit my job though, my good friend lost his battle with cancer. There wasn’t a funeral, leaving me to deal with his loss my own way. I was devastated. To add injury to insult – the man who became a good friend and had changed my life was fading from my life with very little contact because he too was dealing with his own hurdles. I was missing him so much, that it was breaking my heart and there was no way to tell him. I needed closure, but how was I going to find it?

I started to carry around the words that Ariane wrote in the introduction of her book “From a loss, there is always something to be found…..you just have to keep moving forward, trusting that there’s something good around the bend. There is great power in not always knowing why things happen the way they do but in trusting that they’re happening exactly as they should and that something positive will reveal itself.” I read it whenever a negative thought entered my mind. 5 months later I’ve discovered that you can survive anything if you just believe in yourself and remind yourself to live in the moment, that’s all we have. Life is short you need to the find things that make you want to keep going – be thankful for each day – have hope that tomorrow will bring something better your way, forgetting the pains of the past. I found out for myself that serenity can only be found when you let go and have the belief that when the time is right, the universe will bring something good your way. I also found the art of scrapbooking is a great way to fine peace and pay tribute to a special moment in your life. It gave me a chance to be creative and do something for myself, and feel good about the life I have. A scrapbook page is like a chapter of my life. I can look back at a good moment and be happy for the things in life that I was blessed with. To know that no matter how bad things get something good is always around the corner.

Lastly, Thanks Ariane for writing your book and giving us hope that good things always come from bad we just have to stay hopeful.

Shared by CatDog.

Posted by First 30 Days on August 9th, 2009 in Personal Stories | 4 comments

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4 Comments

  • Loved your story. There are a lot of parallels in our life stories and I am starting to learn how to deal with life’s obstacles with the same attitude that you descibe here. Thank you for posting your story.

    Shared by mydreams39.

    — Added by admin on August 21st, 2009
  • I want to thank you for sharing. Some of what you said relates alot to my life and what I have been going through. I have read other self help books and have taken pieces from them but nothing seem to stick. I am going to check out this book and I hope it will tkae care of alot of what i am sereaching for.

    Shared by aurora1965.

    — Added by admin on August 21st, 2009
  • Catdog thanks for sharing your stroy.. I just found this site and decided to start reading stories. Thanks for sharing. Im going thru a hard time right now.. But its really nothing compared to yours. I have been with my boyfriend for three years. living tog for a year and half. He asked me ro move out :( I m process of moving. I guess I neeed to buy Arianes book . It sounds like it would be very useful.

    Shared by Likes2run.

    — Added by admin on August 21st, 2009
  • Wow, you have touched me. I have been struggling in many ways myself. Moments through out each day I feel an inspiration of a sort but it quickly fades away, leaving me feeling empty again, not knowing which direction to take or where to start to feel happy again. I feel confused most of the time. Not knowing weather I’m loosing my mind and not knowing if anyone will understand me or the friends I talk to understand me at all.
    Thank you for giving me a bit of strength to move on :-)

    Shared by Renee.

    — Added by admin on August 21st, 2009

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