First 30 Days Blog

08 aug

c’est ma vie!!??

Well to start with I am french (you will probably notice it in my english literature).
I need a change right here right now. ANd this is why.
I was married to a persian for 20 years and we lived in France at the beginning. I have 3 children (who are all young adults now). We left my country to go to his country for 2 years and there it was hell. iIcouldnt stay anymore, not because of the people but because of him, the way that he changed and threated us (me and my children). Plus he couldnt do anything ovethere. At that time he went to canada and I was in France where I wanted to ask for divorce. My dad, who I trusted a lot told me that my children needed a father and may be because I was not strong enough i came to Canada with my children to join him. For 2 years we had our best time. However one of his sister came to live with us and her family and again started the rollercoster of my life and my children life. We were never good enough for her brother. We moved from MOntreal to Vancouver with them. At certainpoint he lost his job and decided to open a business with his brother in law. I was working from my house (I had a french day care) and was at the same time taking classes at night. He never helped me during this difficult time for me. I had to study in english….i am french…. and had to work from 7am to 6pm taking care of my 3 children cooked, paying the bill, buying grocery …he just went to work and came back and was expeting everything perfect. He was inviting people (around 15) every weekend and I was the is only one to cook his persian food, serve, clean afterward and said nothing. His sister want to work with them and little by little they put my away. THey only discussed about their job in farci and expected from me just to listen. After 5 year 2005 my ex husband was always saying that how persian were the best in everything how persian woman were the best and how fat I was (truly it wasnt the case really).He was taking vacation in Iran ever year for month and I was here working and taking care of my 3 children. He was looking at other womaen all the time, he even one time when we went on cruise for a dinner went with one of them the all time letting me on my own. And he started to cheat on me with one of his young promoted manager persian married woman. As he told me last summer she is a dreaming wife (eventhough she is still married with her husband). Than my life started to go down and down., His sisted (who is supposely religious) was agreed with him. My last daughter started to drink taking drugs without me noticed it because I was totally inside my problems. When I finally realized, she was already damaged. I asked him to stop or at list to act normally in matter for the both of us to help her. He agreed but continued what he was doing. In march 2006 my daughter got raped. She was virgin. One week after he was with this woman to his sister house. Here I basicly kick him out of the house and he called the police on me for acting violent. The day after we were supposed to go to the police for my daughter raped. he never came.
Now it is almost 3 years that we are seperate. He bought an appartement and he has a good life. Me I has 3 surgeries over that time. Deal with my daughter’s problems, that according his father it is because of me. I am working everyday a lot (around 10 hours) . But enough is enough. I am reading a lots of help book (one of them his Ariane). Listening a ton of CD and went back to the gym. I have decided that I need a big change in my life. I am alone here in canada, all my family is back to France. Friends help but you can not drag them all the time in your problem. I try to stay positive eventhough it is not easy everyday. My daughter now is diagnose with and severe IBM. And I have to deal with her and her new problem. Sometimes I want to thow everthing, go back to my country and do a new life but I know that my problem will still be the same because I have to change me in matter to change my life. I made my sroty very short but really a lot happpend tome and my kids especilly emotionnally. They were very hard on us and somehow I was saying nothing. I was afraid of what i dont know. BUt now life has changed and I hope that change will happend soon.

Catherine

Shared by KATERIZNE.

Posted by First 30 Days on August 8th, 2009 in Personal Stories | 2 comments

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2 Comments

  • Your strength up to now has been focused on tolerating, and dealing with, the life choices of others. I hope you can turn that strength into discovering and attaining your own much-deserved happiness!
    Andie

    Shared by AMM2009.

    — Added by admin on August 23rd, 2009
  • Catherine! My heart goes out to you. You have been through so much up to this point. You certainly do deserve a major change, and I applaud you for your determination to make a better life for yourself, to be attentive to your children and their needs, and for reaching out to others and maintaining your social network. You seem to have the positive attitude that will continue to support your efforts, and you understand how very important that is. While it isn’t possible to stay positive all the time, just the effort to look for the silver lining in the dark clouds will take you far.
    Godspeed to you. Please keep us posted on your progress!
    Rose

    Shared by RoseEykis.

    — Added by admin on August 23rd, 2009

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