Archive for July, 2009

29 jul

The Epidemic No One Wants to Talk About

Deannemary -

First of all – I am offering you hope and the hand of a mother who knows where you are in your pain. A few notes and then some concrete sites to begin finding support when you feel you are so alone.

This is one of my pet causes. Not because I’m fond of it – but because we are so affected when our loves ones get hooked on drugs and he downward spiral begins. Part of the additional pain we suffer is due to the loneliness and helplessness we experience. We become sickened by the knowlege that is the addictions process is not best served by incarceration.

Too much of our society is not yet ready to believe that punishment is not a treatment or a deterrent to future episodes – does not build character or lead to rehabilitation. It simply gets the sick and addicted off our streets and into a position where they either sober up in fear and hope or are further mistreated by the cast of characters they are forced into.

I’m developing my own conversation about an alternative system to jails and worse for those impacted by addiction, bad choices, and stupidity.

Some would say that groups already exist – yet those groups gather in their own shadows as speaking out is not a popular speech for a world that wants to hide in the shame of having a family member or loved one affected by this segment of society we condemn, while others we know are buying products illegally or selling them and becoming a part of the conflict.

Others of us are out here looking for connections. I’m asking as well as addressing the pain in the gut, the depression that won’t leave us alone, the wounds of “why” and “how” and “who”……..that leave us crying separately – and alone in the darkness of night – when it is even daylight outside – when we need the support of others who understand and don’t condemn us further.

DO type “addictions” into a google or search site, and find the support of others who are going thru this epidemic – check out a great book, “The Alcohol and Addictions Cure” which addresses that inner pain that turns people into addicts – and the way to overcome. www.passahttp://www.passagesmalibu.com/alcoholism-addiction-cure-1.html .

So many good resources in bookstores. Another book I highly recommend is “Seven Weeks to Sobriety” by Dr. Janet Lawson – following the suicide of her own son two months after he returned from treatment – and the triggers of chemicals in everyday life that contribute to our downfall. http://www.healthrecovery.com/HRC_2006/SevenWeeks.htm .

I am convinced after your reaching out – that more of us need to connect – and am now creating a new BLOG that will be active yet today. I hope within First 30 Days and will approach this site for info on that. Otherwise I will return today to post where we can connect and support each other as this drug thing ain’t goin’ away and we may as well deal with it in the best possible way to enact change and better support.

That address I will post separately as I know who you are – although we have never met. I know how you feel although I have never seen you. And I know the individual loneliness is unbearable as we try to hid the pain in isolation.

Bless you for the brave question you have posed.
Let’s find some solutions and support together.

Blessings, Joie

fljoie@msn.com

Shared by GeriGreene.

Posted by First 30 Days on July 29th, 2009 in Personal Stories | 1 comment

26 jul

My Son

My son will soon be sentenced for a robbery he committed in December. He got hooked on drugs and gambling, and robbed a restaurant. This is the first time anyone in my family has been incarcerated. I can’t find the good in any of this. We are afraid for him- because we hear so many stories of how dangerous prison is. I have been physically sick for awhile due to worry. My son’s father is depressed and my current husband has been without me (attention-wise) for months. How do I deal with this?

Shared by Deannemary.

Posted by First 30 Days on July 26th, 2009 in Personal Stories | 4 comments

18 jul

I Need a Change

I decided from reading your book that I was going to “put my story away” I no longer want it to define me. I will give you a quick synopsis so you know where I come from. I brought a condo 60-65 miles upstate from where I lived in Bronx NY. I was a divorced single parent to a 11 year old girl. 2 months after buying the condo I became pregnant from my boyfriend who did not live with me. At first I didn’t think it was such a huge deal because we had been dating for 2 years and were serious but in no real rush he had a 5 year old daughter. Her mother was deceased. When I was 8 weeks pregnant I found he had been unfaithful for our whole relationship. I thought if aborting the baby. I kept him he is now 8 years old. The whole time of my pregnancy I behaved in ways I am now not so proud of I begged and pleaded and believed my boyfriend when he feed me garbage. Long and short when my son turned 3 yrs old I sold my condo and bought a house with him 2 months after moving in I found out he had been unfaithful with another woman for I year. I stayed 18 months until my daughter graduated high school. I then moved back to the Bronx rented an apartment filed chap 13. He still lives in the house and has wanted me to keep a relationship with him. I’ve been done with that for 2 years. I want to move to North Carolina but I need his permission although nothing is in the court system regarding custody I want to do it as painless as possible he’s really not that involved with my son in and out all the time just constant phone calls, I want him to just let me go with my son I want him to sign over custody to me I will still make it possible for him to see his son if he wants to

Shared by NURSE6626.

Posted by First 30 Days on July 18th, 2009 in Personal Stories | 1 comment

18 jul

Foggy Days Ahead

Hello,

My name is Warran. I’m here because I’m trying desperately to find peace-of-mind. I’ve been unemployed for over a year now, in debt and at times I feel like a failure. I had hoped to have a great career in voice-over or writing by now, making a lot of money. I’m 32 and still having to live at home with my folks. And while other friends and family have said that it’s okay and I’m doing what I have to do because of the way the economy is, I still feel very awkward. Lack of resources has further prevented me from wanting to pursue other things that I enjoy such as martial arts, traveling, getting a better eating plan so that I can gain a six-pack abdomen. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not fat, but I’m still not where I want to be. When it comes to relationships, I don’t know where to start other than I am very attracted to athletic women who study the martial arts. With everything that has happened, I’m searching for that machismo and confidence that every man must have. But here again, I don’t know where to start mainly because of my financial situation. It as if I’m a ship sailing on a sea full of fog. And I’m wondering when I’ll reach the daylight again. Thank you and I appreciate your suggestions and help.

Warran

Shared by kuroamurai.

Posted by First 30 Days on July 18th, 2009 in Personal Stories | 2 comments

15 jul

Breaking Bad Habits

I’d love a first 30 days to help me break some bad habits. Do you have anything like that?

Shared by mimi33.

Posted by First 30 Days on July 15th, 2009 in Personal Stories | 2 comments

15 jul

Fork in the Road

I’m ready for change. I have been a stay-at-home mom for 12 years I have 3 wonderful boys. See my husband lost his job 3 years ago & his parents have been paying all our bills, which is a lot. 3 boys in private school, insurance, you name it. My husband’s parents said they would pay our bills in hopes that my husband would get a job without them having to tell him. Instead they have asked me to get a job so that he can stay home. I already do all the cooking, cleaning, manage the money, take care of the boy’s school activities. I do not have a partner. I’m doing it by myself anyway. I want to find a job, get a divorce, and find someone to share my life, and help set a good example for the boys.

Shared by Tonya5.

Posted by First 30 Days on July 15th, 2009 in Personal Stories | 2 comments

13 jul

Women Who Run With the Wolves

This is a book I recommend to any woman right now who is wondering what it means to be feminine, to have a career, to be a mom, to be a lover, to find her creative power, to pursue a dream, to grow wiser, any woman who is looking for her place in the world. It will help you understand many facets of what it means to be a woman. Clarissa’s writing and story telling is magnificent. Buy it at Amazon.

Posted by Ariane de Bonvoisin on July 13th, 2009 in Things We Love | No comments Read related posts in ,

13 jul

Money, Meaning and a Little Motivation

There isn’t a single person who hasn’t been affected by the financial meltdown. Each of us is being asked to think differently about money, reflect on how much we have and need, why we need it, how we can make more in today’s world.

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Posted by Ariane de Bonvoisin on July 13th, 2009 in Finances | No comments Read related posts in

06 jul

Clifornia Dreaming…

I was born and raised in Massachusetts. For as long as I can remember, I have been planning to move to Encinitas, California. “Someday”. I don’t know anyone out there, but I’ve always felt drawn to that area because of the spiritual community and the weather. When I’ve visited on vacations, I’ve always felt at home.

I have actually tried twice in the past 8 years to make that move. The first time I met someone right at the time I was getting ready to sell my house and move. We entered into what turned out to be a 4 year relationship. That actually worked out for the best because I was here when my sister got pregnant and have been very involved in her daughter’s life. Had I gone to California at that time, I would have missed all of that and not be as close to my neice as I am now. The next attempt was a couple of years ago. I had sent out some resumes in hopes of landing a job that would bring me out there. I even got a couple of phone interviews but nothing came of it. One place that sounded perfect turned out to be pretty unreasonable with they’re expectations for the position that I applied for and the salary they were offering. I would not have liked it there had I accepted that job. I think that has worked out for the best too, because I really want to change my career and the thought of continuing in this career path gives me a hive.

So now, I’m constantly struggling with my desire to go there and the things/ideas that are keeping me from it. The range is wide and sometimes nonsensical! From the outside, I have nothing really holding me back. I’m single, no children, and no real ties to this area other than my family and I own a townhome. The things that I find are holding me back are that I will miss my niece terribly (she’s 3), I have 3 cats and am unsure about traveling with them (afraid they will die on the plane), and fears about tying up the loose ends here with my townhome and the logistics of everything. Oh, and money of course.

When I talk about making this move with the people in my life, I am always confronted with sadness and sometimes an unhealthy sense of possession. My friends truly want the best for me, and know that this has been a dream of mine. But they don’t want me to leave. My mother cries and tells me I can’t leave until she’s dead (Oy). My dad is supportive but is also sad about it. When I talk to others who are not as deeply connected to me, I always get the opposite….better do it now because you’re not getting any younger.

Though I believe for many things, there’s no time like the present, I have tried to make my choices in life thru connecting with my intuition. I’ve found that although I am ready to jump out of my skin right now at the thought of postponing my plans another day, and facing another New England winter, that right now is not the right time. And I guess I’m getting impatient with this guidance! Has anyone experienced a similar situation where the runway seemed lit for take off but you just weren’t ready to go for some reason? Something was holding you back? Even though you really wanted to go? How did that work out for you?

I know this was long, thanks for reading it!

Julie

Shared by Starryskai.

Posted by First 30 Days on July 6th, 2009 in Personal Stories | 6 comments

04 jul

On the Road to Freedom!!

I found this site, strickly by accident, in late February, 2008.

After taking computer classes thru SeniorNet (a seniors teaching seniors group,) I shakely had figured out how to acquire 3 email addresses. On one there appeared information about First30Days.com, and I bumbled around till I managed to get there.

For 3 months, I only read what was written by others. After I became more familiar with the workings of email, the computer, and first30days, I signed up for the change, Making Change Easier. Thirty days later, I signed up for Depression (very helpful whether you ARE depressed or not) and Getting Happier. By the time the second 30 days were up, on July 17, 2008, I knew that I was strong enough to tell my negative, domineering, manipulative & controling husband of 48 years that I wanted a divorce.

Up to that point, I had never felt that I was as strong, resilient and resourceful as I truly am.

This last year has been filled with ups and downs, as life can be, but my resolve has never faltered.

On June 18, 2009, my divorce was final!!

This whole time, I’ve been taking writing classes and find it has become my passion!

On the waiting list for low income housing, I look forward to the peace and quiet of having my own space. In the process of making necessary changes, i.e. driver’s license, new will, etc., I find that things are going so smoothly, it’s remarkable!

Had it not been for this site and all those on it, who knows if I would have taken the necessary steps to free myself from what had become a very unhealthy marriage. I am 70 years old and just getting started!! Now watch me soar!

Thank you, all of you, for your support, good suggestions and caring words!

Now to be known as LillieK.

Shared by lilliede81.

Posted by First 30 Days on July 4th, 2009 in Personal Stories | 4 comments