Archive for June, 2009

29 jun

Seeking Direction

Ten years ago, I joyfully gave birth to my beautiful child. I don’t think anyone is ever prepared for the many changes we encounter as we become parents for the first time. While I was like a deer caught in head lights, I did know I wanted to the very best I could for my daughter, both in raising her and being a good example as a person.

Making a long story short, I chose to start a consulting practice specializing in providing strategic planning and real estate development for non-profit organizations. During those early days, I kept my business small though it was quite lucrative and I loved the work and the flexibility which allowed me to participate in my daughter’s life.

Two years ago several of my long term clients were wrapping up their projects and changed seemed to be in the air. When a for profit company entered the picture, I was excited to expand my services. I worked with this new team for six months before realizing that they would not end up paying me for my services. This created a significant financial strain just as the economy was slowing. At the same time, my father passed away. The loss of my father combined with this business setback left me feeling rutterless and while capable, I needed time to heal. While I continued outreach activities, I have not signed a new client in quite some time.

I am grateful to have had ample time to heal but am ready to resume work. Non profit organizations are struggling and many do not have resources to pay my fees or embark on new projects. I see this as an opportunity to branch out, and try something new, but what? Where do I begin? Where do I fit in? I so want to create an opportunity that is again exciting, lucrative and flexible so I can continue to parent and provide a loving homelife.

Shared by NinaBBIC.

Posted by First 30 Days on June 29th, 2009 in Personal Stories | 1 comment

29 jun

Dark Days

All my life, I have had periods of time where I felt down, kind of sad but I would come out of it and be happy again. Now I can’t seem to find the happiness I once had. I struggle each day to get the things done that need to be done. I can’t seem to find any pleasure in spending time with my family or friends, I want to be alone all the time. i am overweight. I am overwhelmed most of the time. I wish life was simpler. How do I get that happiness back, how do I get my life back?

Shared by mydreams39.

Posted by First 30 Days on June 29th, 2009 in Personal Stories | 4 comments

24 jun

My Lost Love

I was a single mother before and always looking for somebody who will accept me, until one day i fell inlove to a person who is in a vocation of becoming a priest, we had a very nice relationship we both love each other so much but then when his superior found out about all those things they moved him to a very far place that he could never have any contact with anybody. It was a very painful separation for me, everyday i go to church and pray and beg for him asking God why cant he give this man to me, every day i cried a lot, i even get myself drunk. My only way to escape from pain is to go out with friends, drink, and sometimes surf the internet and tries everything just to get out of my feelings. Then i met someone on the net, we became constant chatmate till we decided to be together and get married. Later i found out that we really has nothing in common, from beliefs bcoz im a catholic and he believes nothing. It was always argument between us in everything, even affecting my child from this situation. Although we dont have much in common, my so called husband and my son they connect and like each other. So my son has learned to like him though as a father. After five years of not having a contact or communication with my lost love, sometimes he drops a message on my messenger but i just kept on ignoring him bcoz of the hurts thats still inside me, until one day i get a chance to chat with him. He admit all his mistakes and apologize on everything, he said he became coward and was afraid that he might not give the life i was expecting so he chose his vocation, but he did’nt actually became a priest only on brotherhood serving people. He confess that he still love me and i just found myself telling him that my feelings for him never changed, still the same and still love him the same way. This month i will have the chance to go back to my country and we decided to see each other again. My husband has a heart problem even though he is a very difficult person, somehow i care for him. But dont know what to do, my heart is bothering me, im still inlove with my ex, i cant stop myself communicating with him. I know its wrong but it will make me happy seeing him again. Please help, dont know what to do.

Shared by marie_louise.

Posted by First 30 Days on June 24th, 2009 in Personal Stories | 1 comment

19 jun

Responding to Suky

I wanted to write something in the hopes that the dear woman, Suky, who shared her story on 6.15 would read this response.

Dear Suky,

After reading your story, I wanted to tell you how profoundly moved I was by your openness and your indomitable spirit.

I wanted to tell you that my heart was touched and perhaps forever altered because of your honesty and courage.

I wanted to tell you that I understand your pain inasmuch as anyone can truly understand or relate to another’s anguish.

I wanted to tell you that I too have experienced untold depths of sorrow with, and on behalf of, my own little children.

I wanted to tell you that there are so many women out there with similar stories, some better and some worse and we are all sisters in that regard.

I wanted to tell you this and so much more but mostly I wanted to tell you that you are a hero.

You represent me and every woman I know who is struggling; who is finding that the life they thought they would be living became frought with more peril than they could have imagined and certainly more than what they deserved.

You represent the best of what a woman is: a mother forever dedicated to her own children, an individual dedicated to creating her own destiny, a soul dedicated to its own expansion.

Even if that expansion means having to go to the absolute bottom-place to be able to begin anew . . . you are the emerging woman – an emerging force that the Universe will recognize and support.

You need to know your voice is being heard, your heart embraced, your strength renewed.

You are loved, supported and guided. We all are.

I send you light and love and encouragement to stay your course.

Blessings,
Shira

Shared by DivaMama.

Posted by First 30 Days on June 19th, 2009 in Personal Stories | No comments

19 jun

Second Time

3 months ago this girl from my past called me for no reason, almost 4 years had gone by since she broke up with me. I had no hard feelings for her so we talked. Eventually we started talking on a daily basis and we started dating.
The first month was great, she was caring we discussed our past and agreed on moving on. Then I started to noticed her a little distant, coldish.
I knew about her last relationship (bad one) and also knew she had trusting issues. Gave her time and kept my emotions constant to show her I was different.
3 weeks ago she had a bad PMS I show at her house and he didn´t let me in.
Next weekend she was sick, called her on Friday but didn´t answer so I gave her space. Monday called her again and she was so angry because she felt like I abandoned during the weekend when she needed me the most.
4 days ago she told me we “needed to talk” she explained to me that although she was very happy with me, and felt incredible when we were together, there was something missing. She explained to me that she didn’t pictured me as her boyfriend and was selfish to continue the relationship since she couldn’t guaranteed a future nor even see it.
She told me she wanted us to remain friends didn’t want to take 4 years again for us to talk.
I explained to her that I loved her and that it was not possible for me to be her friend, not at the moment and certainly not sure about the future.
She says it would be easier to transform my feelings if we keep in touch but this only makes me think she wants the good part of having me around without the pressure of having a relationship.
I feel betrayed because I thought he was coming back because he cared about me and was going to try.
Also I feel very dumb for making the same “mistake” twice.
She called me and wanted to see me but she has the same ideas that if we hang out I can change my feelings for her.

Shared by Blue12.

Posted by First 30 Days on June 19th, 2009 in Personal Stories | No comments

18 jun

This Is Your Chance!

OK. So I’m thinking now is a good time to ask for your feedback. We have many exciting projects in the works, from new books, to a tour across the country to TV projects to improvements to the site. But I wanted to ask all of you first.

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Posted by Ariane de Bonvoisin on June 18th, 2009 in General | 2 comments Read related posts in

15 jun

Being in the Void

I’m told I am in “the void.” This is a time in my life when changes are coming and I need to be patient, I’m told.
Seven years ago I ended my 15-year marriage, thinking naively that it would make my life “better.” My ex-husband was angry and bitter, declaring that he would “crush me” until I broke. He has worked hard at it over these last several years.
I had a successful career before marriage as a legal administrative assistant to a top corporate lawyer in Toronto. When we married, I immediately became pregnant and stopped working one year into our marriage. We moved to the Ottawa Valley and I had three children within five years. There was no possibility of my working, in my mind. My husband was successful and working on his career, too busy to help out with child rearing and so it was all left to me. The marriage was never good. I don’t think we had any idea that the relationship was really based on parties and drinking and having fun, instead of a good foundation necessary to last through life’s tough times.
Gradually, my finances as a separated mother of three diminished. He refused to pay me my assets, declaring that if I wanted spousal support then I wasn’t getting them. My lawyer quit after 3 yrs because he felt he was never going to see his fee and so slowly I went back to court alone, three times. Two years ago my two youngest teens, 14 and 16 then, went to live with their father after he coerced them with flying lessons and driving lessons (neither of which happened more than once) if they came to stay with him for the summer. He then stopped paying my support payments altogether and with financial difficulties galore already, I crumbled. He had already registered the kids in school in his town, long before summer holidays came about. I fell apart. I was evicted from my apartment and moved to a small town on Lake Huron, to be close to my sister and mother for a while, to regroup. I had just completed, scraping by due to my emotions and financial difficulties, a one year college diploma in business. I was in no shape to take a full time office job, even though I applied for many.
For the next year and a half I did a few odd jobs, cleaning mostly. I didn’t make new friends and didn’t know who I was anymore. I still don’t.
I moved a total of 10 times in 7 years. Gradually I have given away most of my things. I have kept photos of course, stuffed teddy bears for each of the kids and their drawings from when they were little. I ache inside for the unfinished business of raising my kids to adults.
My 20 yr old, the oldest, lived alone in Toronto. He only stayed with his father for a month and struggled to find his way, lost for a while. He is in a rock band and not completed his high school and so his father refuses to talk to him or help him in any way. I moved back to Toronto a few months ago to find a job, I hoped, and to help my son get some stability.
I moved in with a niece-in-law (my nephew ended their marriage a few months ago) and her 3 yr old daughter. I was concerned that I would end up being the nanny and stressed on more than one occasion that I was moving to Toronto to create a new life, get a job and an apartment and that I wasn’t capable of giving her child what she needed. My niece-in-law works in the film industry as a makeup artist and had jobs planned all summer long, with 15 hour days. Within a couple of weeks it became clear to me that she wasn’t intending to find other daycare and had expected me to do it all. I asked her to find a second babysitter so that I could do what I had intended and she told me to move out in two days as my nephew would move back in, living in the basement where my room was, to take over the daycare.
I found a place, with no last month’s rent and on short notice. I had no furniture at all, just clothes and odds and ends. The apartment I rented looked fine but turned out to have cockroaches and bed bugs. I slept on the floor the first night, with one blanket. The next night I bought a blow up bed. For three weeks I struggled to keep my sanity; the apartment was over a pub and much louder than it had seemed to be initially. The bed bugs were biting me and I couldn’t find a job. My money wasn’t lasting and I was at a loss as to what to do.
I put an ad on a site begging someone to help me with an apartment and was allowed to move into a basement apartment, by a kind landlady. The place had been vacant for a few months and she let me live here rent free for two weeks. I have gradually managed to get a little furniture from a freecycle site, but transporting it here always costs money and so I still don’t have a bed and dressers. I am sleeping on a mattress on the floor, which is fine. My son is sleeping in my living room on my futon couch. That is fine too.
I am intelligent, attractive, well spoken, hard working and.. lost. I was very career driven and determined to have everything in my life but realized that the material things aren’t as important as feeling right.
I am on a spiritual journey that has been difficult. I study Buddhism, have joined a group of people who meet to discuss the laws of attraction, have joined a gym that I can’t really afford, but find it gives me a place to go to every day, as well as keeps me from slipping into depression.
I have no confidence when it comes to jobs. My computer skills are rusty. I am 51 years old and have no current work experience. My resume has such big gaps, filled only with housekeeping and cleaning jobs.
I am so much more.
I went back to court with a new lawyer in March and am waiting to get a judgment regarding my support and my assets. The judge we saw in March said it is time that I am paid. I agree.
My intention is to go to a free silent retreat for ten days. After that I would like to go back to school. I still owe $11,000 to OSAP for loans regarding my business diploma but I would like to get accredited with holistic studies; aromatherapy massage, Indian head massage, more Reiki, reflexology and pedicures too. I finally have a plan but it all takes money and time.
In the meantime, I pray and meditate and tell people that I am looking for a job. I am looking for a job but after sending out about a thousand resumes for every type of job imaginable, I am waiting. I’m in the void. Good things come to those who wait, they say.

Shared by suky58.

Posted by First 30 Days on June 15th, 2009 in Personal Stories | No comments

14 jun

Why Can’t I Be Successful!

I am a high school student, and really love English! But I always can’t speak English well. I’m very anxious about this thing! Though I have been learning English 6 years, I can’t speak fluent English. I am really willing to chat with foreigners. Maybe can help me improve English spoken. Who can help me?

Shared by tangyuting.

Posted by First 30 Days on June 14th, 2009 in Personal Stories | 1 comment

14 jun

Job Survival Tips

I just did Fox and Friends TV this morning and spoke about some specific tips to keep your job. If the depths of the cuts in jobs has you wondering about your own future, check out all ten of my tips. Here they are in their entirety from an article I wrote for BusinessWeek.

Posted by Ariane de Bonvoisin on June 14th, 2009 in Career | No comments Read related posts in

10 jun

Choices

It was my birthday a few days ago, always a time when I take a moment to think about the year. We’re nearly halfway through this one already.

For those of you who’ve been reading my blog for a while, you know that I am a big fan of picking a word for the year, more so than making resolutions.

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Posted by Ariane de Bonvoisin on June 10th, 2009 in Personal Stories | 6 comments Read related posts in ,