First 30 Days Blog

26 may

Where Angels Fear to Tread

I am kind of in one of the chapters of a current saga of change that began in May of 2008.
Trying to concentrate day to day without getting down on what I am facing is not an easy task. I do it though. I have to for me and my family. To say it is easy?…no way! for it is a daily discipline. I say me first because I feel without managing me I am not of use to those who depend upon me, that is my wife and 2 children, ages 5 and 1yr 6 months.
Things began to get difficult when I started sensing a change in the winds of the company I had worked for as in May of 2008 until being laid off in February of 2009.
I have to catch myself from going back into anger and resentment for being lied to and deceived. The bottom line was that I asked to be laid off along with the other workers in my department rather than write a bunch of lies that were against my values and ethics. I could go more into details about that job but is one of the disciplines I use as to not go into the pictures and feelings so much in the past. If I do it is limited as not to sway away from the present to go forward.
Bills became unmanageable with unemployment pay, a part time job, no work in my field here, and medical bills just out the window.
My wife is not able to work not knowing enough English at this time ( She is Learning better at this time) , not able to drive yet, and we are unable to afford daycare, nor can we afford a 2nd car. Of course everything costs and we accept what we have and what we don’t. Always laying seeds to improve for the future.
I had no choice but to file a Chapter 7 in April. The stress from the creditors calling non-stop on my cell, home, and even at work when I told them not to led me into the hospital which I thought was a heart attack in July. Later to discover it was anxiety and stress. I was grateful that I was okay. I keep working on meditation and relaxation exercises during the day but do need medication prescribed by a doctor to sleep. I am improving going many days in a row without sleep medication and keep practicing longer periods of using alternatives to the medicine.

I had decided the month prior to attempt to go back into an old dream…acting. On March 18th I went to an agency in Atlanta and was signed as a talent. It was almost 14 years since I went back into this field since being burned by a casting director in Tampa Florida who turned out to be fradulant. Again in a situation where I had to choose between what is right and not go down a path where it is wrong and in that case, illegal. I lost everything back then due to that choice. I tried to ask my dad at the time but he said ” this is your choice.” I was hesitant to go back into a profession in getting burned so bad. My other field is psychology where I have studied since 84 and had worked in since 89. Every place I ever worked at promised me supervision to get my licensure and every place reneged on their promise leaving me to search elsewhere. Now in debt too with college loans more than likely going to go into default I just have to bite that bullet when it comes. When so many hurdles face you at the same time, do what you can within reason, but accept what is beyond your means. I could not precidt that so many agencies would not follow through on promises made. Yes it was disappointing but I have to keep moving forward.
So this is where I am today…..Since March 18th…
I believe I have the talent and quickly was able to get attention during acting classes for scene study and other areas at the agency. So much so that the agency wants to hire me for a job. This is the juxt of my current dillema. I realize that the job situation here were I live, and to make the money I was making in an administration position after moving up in just less than 3 years is not available here in this area. Going back to old positions for the county as a foster care social worker that I worked over 5 years for, was not even available as both states, Georgia & North Carolina are now on state hiring freezes. To be offerred another job in another area I just consider in these times to just have to go for it to survive. My family would not be able to make another winter here in the mountains with the cost of heating. I am upside down on my mortgage and more than likely will have to let the home go to the bank since property values have made the situation worse. Unemployment will only last so long. My credit is shot with the Chapter 7.
Although I have spent a majority of my life helping others I am asking for advice from this site on where to go, who to speak to to try to find another place to live after both bankruptcy and more than likely foreclosure.
After going for an interview recently at another agency here. I later discovered that my trainee I supervised for 2 years was given the position. She came to me and said I thought it was strange for this agency to ask if I had children? , during her interview right after mine. I told the agency during my interview that if my children are in need of being picked up at school or needing to go to the doctors I have to be able to attend to their needs if my back up is unavailable. Sometimes as difficult as it was to accept doors are kept closed for reasons unknown.
So here I am now with working for the offerred two days a week at a restaurant for 4.50 an hour as a bus boy and a master’s degree and almost 20 years in the field of psychology. Right now it is extra income that just keeps us right on the edge. Walking away from my home will be difficult. We already did a modification, then was laid off four months later.
Is there someone a person can talk to that can assist in giving information in this matter. With credit smashed I do not see us able to get another home for a time yet. Can a person go into a foreclosd property if the person is going to be foreclosed upon? Hopeful but I think unrealistic, yet in todays current economic situation…who knows. I sense I Am not alone in all the transitions occurring at once to many familes. I just need information as to who can give me advice please. I have always done the work, am in the saddle and riding I just want to make sure I get the right map before getting shot in the back once again…I will still get in the saddle even though…John Wayne was my Idol in the movie True Grit …when he stood alone in a clearing against many outlaws. He grabbed the reigns in his teeth and met the obstacles head on.

Shared by BobCat.

Posted by First 30 Days on May 26th, 2009 in Personal Stories | 2 comments

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2 Comments

  • Thank you Simon M . Yes it is almost like a surrenderring to things beyond your ability to do some things about, yet still pushing forward. Yes there is adversity for sure and it has made me grow in areas needed.

    Shared by BobCat.

    — Added by First30Days on August 28th, 2009
  • I cannot say anything about debt or bancrupsy but I sure know what loosing a job feels like and being worried that I will run out of money when I have a wife and kid.
    I think you are very courrageos and my heart goes out to you it really does. I wish I could help you in another way than words but I cannot because I am in a similar boat to you.
    Trust yourself trust your instincts and do not bother what others think about you. The only person you must be true to is yourself and being true to yourself you know you will always do the best for your wife and kids.
    Think of what you are going through as an opportunity to accept uncertainty mentally free yourself and grow stronger through adversity.
    Trust me, if you are honest with yourself and have love in your heart, your life will be its own reward.

    Shared by simonm.

    — Added by First30Days on August 28th, 2009

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