First 30 Days Blog

26 may

Roller Coaster of Change

Starting from about a year ago, I have been on a mental roller coaster where changes have been coming seemingly without let up. Following the idea about a change taking about 30 days, it seems that in every case as one change ended another one would start.

After living in the US for the last 5 years working as an engineer I was told in June 2008 that I would have to leave the US becausae the US organisation of the multinational I worked for said they could not extend my visa as most of my work was now outside the US. My company tried to move me to Mexico, and the UK but without success.

In October I went to do a job in Saudi Arabia which turned out to have one problem after another it started with typical problems with bags being delayed and almost not making the internal flight because I had left my passport in the hotel where I stayed the night.

Then things got worse, my computer failed denying me access to my work e-mail and the job information I had on it. Then I found the site was not ready and they had to fly somebody out from a different country to finish the preparation. Once I started doing the work when I reached a point where the customer could do a test but then there was a big change in the process so I had to wait untill the process returned to normal. This did not happen so I ended up having to leave site with the work still not complete and having been in Saudi Arabia.

Whilst I had been in Saudi Arabia I had been given only 2 choices work in Switzerland or as a contractor in the country of my choosing where I was allowed to live. In the end Switzerland fell through because as a result of the world wide resession they had imposed a blanket ban on new hire’s and I was unfortunately considered a new hire for Switzerland.

By the End of the year I had to be out of the US and decided to go to Mexico although we would return as tourists to the US so that my son could finish his school year. I then had to live in the US on savings for several months waiting for contract jobs which never came because of the resession. I also started job hunting at this time whilst trying to figure out how I could move all my stuff to Mexico.

Finally in May 2009 I got my break, a company other than the one I had worked on gave me a contract where I would be working self employed.

For me the remarkable thing is not the incredibly unfortunate series of events which occured but the changes which have come about as a process of this. While I was still in Saudi Arabia I started the process of self discovery which would continue through out the period. I looked at myself, I looked at my past, I decided to be completely honest with myself for the first time in my life. When I returned from Saudi Arabia I started putting the changes in my attitude into practice, trying to reprogram my subconcious and unconcious actions in line with my concious decisions regarding myself.

In April 2009 I also read Ariane’s book the first 30 days and realised that I had been doing many of the things outlined in her book.

Mine been a long drawn out process but I thank god I decided to do this, because for the first time in my life I am living:

free of fear
free of worry
free of guilt
free of shame
free of self doubt
free of limitations
and most of all with the inner peace that I had always longed for

When I look back at my process I think that the three most important things I have had to do have been.

1. Understand myself and how I had become like I was – this lead me on the path to self enlightenment

2. The decision to forgive all those people who either intentionally or unintentionally had caused me physical or mental pain – this was the point at which I felt a sense of true inner peace enter me that is still with me

3. The decision to be my own man do what I do because I wish to and not in the reaction to others or in order to get the approval of others – this is what gives me the determination and strength of mind to now put 100% into what I do

My story is not over today I finally realised that I am not the person they really needed for this contract job the people in the US had asked for a skill set that was not what the job needed. Now I must face the likely posibility fo having my contract cut short after only a week.

Suprisingly after having been forced to confront this I did not feel stressed as I would have expected instead I continued to experience my inner calm, in fact the calm actually intensified. I now realise I have reached the point where I can embrace change and even encourage it with an attitude of ‘bring it on’.

My final thoughts are that we are only really living when there is some uncertainty in our lives, life is change. My understanding of time has changed I do not see it as being linear but made up of defining events and for all you are reading this and trying to figure out if you can go through a change I have this to say.

When a cataclysmic event happens in your life such as losing a job, your money running out or even the death of a loved one who has suffered from cancer. You may feel a sort of tranquility, but before you start to reject this feeling out of hand rationalizing it as being in shock, I will tell you what it is that you are feeling, It is FREEDOM. For the first time in your life you have let go because there is nothing left to hang on to and finally accepted uncertainty and freed yourself from the expectations you have accoustomed yourself to over so many years. A self imposed slavery you have accepted as the price for a false security.

Live the change.

Shared by simonm.

Posted by First 30 Days on May 26th, 2009 in Uncategorized | 0 comments

  • Add Comment

Share Your Thoughts

You must be logged in to post a comment.