Archive for May, 2009

29 may

Lessons from the California Women’s Conference

I promised you an update after The California Women’s Conference–it’s taken some time to gather all those thoughts from such an incredible event.

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Posted by Ariane de Bonvoisin on May 29th, 2009 in Global/Social Change | No comments Read related posts in

26 may

Ariane TV

Well, our friends at Moped Productions created the most fabulous sizzle reel ever and we wanted you to be among the first few people to see it.

It will also give you a sense of our broader mission, what we have been up to since we started First30Days, a little more about my story and the impact the book is having. (The 12 free gifts are still available for another week by the way, so please go pick up your copy and get a chance here to win a month of dedicated coaching with me.)

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Posted by Ariane de Bonvoisin on May 26th, 2009 in Relationships | No comments Read related posts in

26 may

Roller Coaster of Change

Starting from about a year ago, I have been on a mental roller coaster where changes have been coming seemingly without let up. Following the idea about a change taking about 30 days, it seems that in every case as one change ended another one would start.

After living in the US for the last 5 years working as an engineer I was told in June 2008 that I would have to leave the US becausae the US organisation of the multinational I worked for said they could not extend my visa as most of my work was now outside the US. My company tried to move me to Mexico, and the UK but without success.

In October I went to do a job in Saudi Arabia which turned out to have one problem after another it started with typical problems with bags being delayed and almost not making the internal flight because I had left my passport in the hotel where I stayed the night.

Then things got worse, my computer failed denying me access to my work e-mail and the job information I had on it. Then I found the site was not ready and they had to fly somebody out from a different country to finish the preparation. Once I started doing the work when I reached a point where the customer could do a test but then there was a big change in the process so I had to wait untill the process returned to normal. This did not happen so I ended up having to leave site with the work still not complete and having been in Saudi Arabia.

Whilst I had been in Saudi Arabia I had been given only 2 choices work in Switzerland or as a contractor in the country of my choosing where I was allowed to live. In the end Switzerland fell through because as a result of the world wide resession they had imposed a blanket ban on new hire’s and I was unfortunately considered a new hire for Switzerland.

By the End of the year I had to be out of the US and decided to go to Mexico although we would return as tourists to the US so that my son could finish his school year. I then had to live in the US on savings for several months waiting for contract jobs which never came because of the resession. I also started job hunting at this time whilst trying to figure out how I could move all my stuff to Mexico.

Finally in May 2009 I got my break, a company other than the one I had worked on gave me a contract where I would be working self employed.

For me the remarkable thing is not the incredibly unfortunate series of events which occured but the changes which have come about as a process of this. While I was still in Saudi Arabia I started the process of self discovery which would continue through out the period. I looked at myself, I looked at my past, I decided to be completely honest with myself for the first time in my life. When I returned from Saudi Arabia I started putting the changes in my attitude into practice, trying to reprogram my subconcious and unconcious actions in line with my concious decisions regarding myself.

In April 2009 I also read Ariane’s book the first 30 days and realised that I had been doing many of the things outlined in her book.

Mine been a long drawn out process but I thank god I decided to do this, because for the first time in my life I am living:

free of fear
free of worry
free of guilt
free of shame
free of self doubt
free of limitations
and most of all with the inner peace that I had always longed for

When I look back at my process I think that the three most important things I have had to do have been.

1. Understand myself and how I had become like I was – this lead me on the path to self enlightenment

2. The decision to forgive all those people who either intentionally or unintentionally had caused me physical or mental pain – this was the point at which I felt a sense of true inner peace enter me that is still with me

3. The decision to be my own man do what I do because I wish to and not in the reaction to others or in order to get the approval of others – this is what gives me the determination and strength of mind to now put 100% into what I do

My story is not over today I finally realised that I am not the person they really needed for this contract job the people in the US had asked for a skill set that was not what the job needed. Now I must face the likely posibility fo having my contract cut short after only a week.

Suprisingly after having been forced to confront this I did not feel stressed as I would have expected instead I continued to experience my inner calm, in fact the calm actually intensified. I now realise I have reached the point where I can embrace change and even encourage it with an attitude of ‘bring it on’.

My final thoughts are that we are only really living when there is some uncertainty in our lives, life is change. My understanding of time has changed I do not see it as being linear but made up of defining events and for all you are reading this and trying to figure out if you can go through a change I have this to say.

When a cataclysmic event happens in your life such as losing a job, your money running out or even the death of a loved one who has suffered from cancer. You may feel a sort of tranquility, but before you start to reject this feeling out of hand rationalizing it as being in shock, I will tell you what it is that you are feeling, It is FREEDOM. For the first time in your life you have let go because there is nothing left to hang on to and finally accepted uncertainty and freed yourself from the expectations you have accoustomed yourself to over so many years. A self imposed slavery you have accepted as the price for a false security.

Live the change.

Shared by simonm.

Posted by First 30 Days on May 26th, 2009 in Uncategorized | No comments

26 may

Where Angels Fear to Tread

I am kind of in one of the chapters of a current saga of change that began in May of 2008.
Trying to concentrate day to day without getting down on what I am facing is not an easy task. I do it though. I have to for me and my family. To say it is easy?…no way! for it is a daily discipline. I say me first because I feel without managing me I am not of use to those who depend upon me, that is my wife and 2 children, ages 5 and 1yr 6 months.
Things began to get difficult when I started sensing a change in the winds of the company I had worked for as in May of 2008 until being laid off in February of 2009.
I have to catch myself from going back into anger and resentment for being lied to and deceived. The bottom line was that I asked to be laid off along with the other workers in my department rather than write a bunch of lies that were against my values and ethics. I could go more into details about that job but is one of the disciplines I use as to not go into the pictures and feelings so much in the past. If I do it is limited as not to sway away from the present to go forward.
Bills became unmanageable with unemployment pay, a part time job, no work in my field here, and medical bills just out the window.
My wife is not able to work not knowing enough English at this time ( She is Learning better at this time) , not able to drive yet, and we are unable to afford daycare, nor can we afford a 2nd car. Of course everything costs and we accept what we have and what we don’t. Always laying seeds to improve for the future.
I had no choice but to file a Chapter 7 in April. The stress from the creditors calling non-stop on my cell, home, and even at work when I told them not to led me into the hospital which I thought was a heart attack in July. Later to discover it was anxiety and stress. I was grateful that I was okay. I keep working on meditation and relaxation exercises during the day but do need medication prescribed by a doctor to sleep. I am improving going many days in a row without sleep medication and keep practicing longer periods of using alternatives to the medicine.

I had decided the month prior to attempt to go back into an old dream…acting. On March 18th I went to an agency in Atlanta and was signed as a talent. It was almost 14 years since I went back into this field since being burned by a casting director in Tampa Florida who turned out to be fradulant. Again in a situation where I had to choose between what is right and not go down a path where it is wrong and in that case, illegal. I lost everything back then due to that choice. I tried to ask my dad at the time but he said ” this is your choice.” I was hesitant to go back into a profession in getting burned so bad. My other field is psychology where I have studied since 84 and had worked in since 89. Every place I ever worked at promised me supervision to get my licensure and every place reneged on their promise leaving me to search elsewhere. Now in debt too with college loans more than likely going to go into default I just have to bite that bullet when it comes. When so many hurdles face you at the same time, do what you can within reason, but accept what is beyond your means. I could not precidt that so many agencies would not follow through on promises made. Yes it was disappointing but I have to keep moving forward.
So this is where I am today…..Since March 18th…
I believe I have the talent and quickly was able to get attention during acting classes for scene study and other areas at the agency. So much so that the agency wants to hire me for a job. This is the juxt of my current dillema. I realize that the job situation here were I live, and to make the money I was making in an administration position after moving up in just less than 3 years is not available here in this area. Going back to old positions for the county as a foster care social worker that I worked over 5 years for, was not even available as both states, Georgia & North Carolina are now on state hiring freezes. To be offerred another job in another area I just consider in these times to just have to go for it to survive. My family would not be able to make another winter here in the mountains with the cost of heating. I am upside down on my mortgage and more than likely will have to let the home go to the bank since property values have made the situation worse. Unemployment will only last so long. My credit is shot with the Chapter 7.
Although I have spent a majority of my life helping others I am asking for advice from this site on where to go, who to speak to to try to find another place to live after both bankruptcy and more than likely foreclosure.
After going for an interview recently at another agency here. I later discovered that my trainee I supervised for 2 years was given the position. She came to me and said I thought it was strange for this agency to ask if I had children? , during her interview right after mine. I told the agency during my interview that if my children are in need of being picked up at school or needing to go to the doctors I have to be able to attend to their needs if my back up is unavailable. Sometimes as difficult as it was to accept doors are kept closed for reasons unknown.
So here I am now with working for the offerred two days a week at a restaurant for 4.50 an hour as a bus boy and a master’s degree and almost 20 years in the field of psychology. Right now it is extra income that just keeps us right on the edge. Walking away from my home will be difficult. We already did a modification, then was laid off four months later.
Is there someone a person can talk to that can assist in giving information in this matter. With credit smashed I do not see us able to get another home for a time yet. Can a person go into a foreclosd property if the person is going to be foreclosed upon? Hopeful but I think unrealistic, yet in todays current economic situation…who knows. I sense I Am not alone in all the transitions occurring at once to many familes. I just need information as to who can give me advice please. I have always done the work, am in the saddle and riding I just want to make sure I get the right map before getting shot in the back once again…I will still get in the saddle even though…John Wayne was my Idol in the movie True Grit …when he stood alone in a clearing against many outlaws. He grabbed the reigns in his teeth and met the obstacles head on.

Shared by BobCat.

Posted by First 30 Days on May 26th, 2009 in Personal Stories | 2 comments

23 may

Why?

Why do you invite us to “Talk to You” if you never respond to anyone?

-Arny

Shared by arnybl.

Posted by First 30 Days on May 23rd, 2009 in Personal Stories | 1 comment

23 may

Stop Smoking Help

I am new to First30Days and I am at a point of running scared-I had a real red flag warning a week ago and I was told I had to quit smoking if I was ever going to really feel healthy again. I also was told that I received “my free get out of jail” card and the next one would be “jail” permanently if I didn’t stop smoking. I have smoked for at least 50 years and have wanted to quit for a very long time. I have tried and not been successful. I am truly ready but I am so afraid I will fail. I know I have to take the leap and just do it – I can use whatever support you may have to offer me. I love my family with all my heart and I know they are so worried about me and don’t understand why I am still smoking. I really need to be able to write my feelings down and not feel I am being judged.

Viannee

Shared by viannee.

Posted by First 30 Days on May 23rd, 2009 in Uncategorized | 5 comments

18 may

What a Week!

Well, thanks to all of you, my book is a bestseller both on Amazon (#87) and Barnes and Noble (#27). It’s still #1 in personality–yeah that made me smile too–and #42 in hot new releases for the week.

I did over a dozen radio shows and a TV appearance on Inside Edition for graduates on how to find a job in a no-job environment. It airs this week. They haven’t told me what day yet. Check back in for that or follow me on Twitter–@clickariane is my name over there. (My next blog post will be all the tips for graduates by the way. I will post it mid week.)

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Posted by Ariane de Bonvoisin on May 18th, 2009 in First30Days Book | 1 comment Read related posts in ,

17 may

Bad Surgery

I had a failed back fusion. I am a in my 40s hands. How do you not worry??
Wishing health and happiness to all, peace, Salleejo

Shared by salleejo.

Posted by First 30 Days on May 17th, 2009 in Personal Stories | 1 comment

17 may

No Fire, Passion, Spark for Living

Please help me! I cannot seem to get going in my life now that my husband and the father of our six kids is forever gone out of my life. I have tried self talking, self help, goal lists, etc. But no matter what I do I cannot seem to get my passion, purpose, zeal for life going nowadays like I had way back then. It has been five years since my husband’s departure and I am still dealing with this. Thus it is so hard to bathe, get dressed, etc. I get up early to get the kids ready for school. When I get up I feel a deeeeep sadness. I just cannot seem to motivate myself, although I have even gone to the library to check out motivational books, etc., just trying to help myself. I do NOT have the energy, passion, fire to do so, and many times I just feel like lying down and sleeping away forever……..but I have these 6 babies?!

Shared by impressme.

Posted by First 30 Days on May 17th, 2009 in Personal Stories | 2 comments

14 may

The First 30 Mins

I think First 30 Days is a brilliant idea and thank you Ariane for creating this “mentor-site”. For me whenever I have had to face a major change how I react in the first 30 mins often determines the ensuing course of action. Of course what follows is equally important but the basic foundation, based on what I think and feel tends to drive a large part of what follows. Therefore Ariane’s advice on just starting by saying “yes” is hugely important. Understanding the fear of change and replacing it with a sense of excitement of what new is about to enter one’s life is something that has helped me tremendously. I find that if in the first 30 mins I can replace a basic negative or fearful emotion and work at it so as to build an almost reflex positive response whenever change strikes I am off to a far better start in terms of handling it. This is very like the starting blocks of a sprinter, the way a boxer comes out of his or her corner or the way often in a soccer game the side that starts with greater energy and purpose in the first few minutes often ends up winning the game even against tough odds.

Shared by Kinnaur.

Posted by First 30 Days on May 14th, 2009 in Personal Stories | No comments