First 30 Days Blog

16 apr

Never Satisfied

Whoa, I really don’t know where to start with sharing my crazy life with all you viewers, but let me start off by saying that, even sometimes your inner gut can be wrong. And the key to getting by is just by accepting things for the way they fall- – even though it’s what you thought you might want.

A few years ago, I broke up with my bf of almost 7 years. We were dating since I was a Junior in high School and our relationship had its ups and downs like every other one, but as the years went on, I started to realize that there was so much in life that I had missed out on. Almost all my friends went away for college and I stayed back home. We did EVERYTHING together and what made it hard was it was like that from the beginning. It was like routine for us and I didn’t mind at all, but one day out of the blue I decided to break up with him. Talk about a total shocker on his part. He thought I was joking around, but I wasn’t.

I felt free and happy to be single…..well almost single. Let’s rewind a little. What led to the break up was this guy at work who had confessed he had a crush on me. It led me to think that there was so much I had been missing out on.

Anyways, I kinda started hanging out with this guy outside of work and it was like that for I would say about 8 months. It was UGLY, a huge mistake and till this day, I HATE this co-worker. He drove me up the wall, while at work, when we got out of work and it just made me livid!! Not to mention, I let him borrow $3000…and that was DUMB. Yeah, it took him almost 2 years to pay me back – and it wasn’t pretty.

Soon after all that drama, I met this other guy who I thought was the cutest thing ever. He was very different from the rest. My sisters didn’t agree with my choice, but I would say I gave my all. He never did ask me to be his girlfriend, but after maybe 4 months of dating, he told me that he didn’t wanna see me anymore. ???? Like did I miss something? Whatevers!

I have to add that right before the coworker drama had ended, my ex of almost 7 years had started to come around again and I felt we were close to the point where we could just talk about the current relationships we were in.

Soon after this guy didn’t wanna see me anymore, the nicest guy walked into my life. All I had to say about him, was he is just soooo nice. But hold up!!! There’s a catch…I want to move. I made that clear from the beginning because at this point in my life, I wasn’t about to let anyone get in my way.

I would say we were dating for not even a month b4 he asked me to be his girlfiend, and I couldn’t have been more stoked. We took a trip for the weekend, and it was sooo fun! Months went by and it started to irritate me how he was so gaga over me. I made fun of him all the time and I have to admit, that I was also rude to him. He really did give me his 110% and I really have to admit that I was scared. I held myself back from admitting how much I really cared about him and we started to always argue about the whole moving thing. It was me that started all the arguements because a HUGE part of me felt guilty that he was sooo in love with me that if I did decide to move, I would have wasted his time while we were together.

So one day, I decided the best thing to do was to
break up with him. I was sooo sure that it was what i wanted and he just kinda said okay. I mean he double and triple asked me if I was soo sure, and all I had to say was yes. We were still talking a few weeks after the break up, but then I decided that it would be easier for him if we didn’t talk at all (stupid). In the mean time, I guess he had called this girl and they have been hanging out ever since.

So then I decided that I wanted him back. No budge on his part. I practically begged for him back and explained through a few conversations, voicemails and a letter how much I made a mistake and I was willing to do the whole thing with him (because he wants to settle down already). Well, weeks have passed and he could care less to hear how depressed I am. Because you know why, I BROKE UP WITH HIM. I did….and like I had told him, that it’s just something that I’m going to have to live with for the rest of my life.

While I was going through this depression stage, I had called on my ex (for about 7 years). Although he couldn’t really help me, he did have to say that he was still in love with me and he also gave me an ultimatum. Now my ex is in a relationship, but we always had this thing where we could be so open with each other…..so

I’m so sorry, but how can I make that kind of decision when I’m trying to get over my most current relationship.

And now that I’m actually single, maybe I should move away, but there’s so much more to it. The recession. Scary thoughts! I have a really good job, but I am just still so torn with the whole Mr. Nice guy thing and I don’t know what to do..

Any advice?

Shared by cloud_9_98.

Posted by First 30 Days on April 16th, 2009 in Personal Stories | 0 comments

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