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If you have questions about this change, you're in the right place. Our editors, experts, and community of change optimists have answers!

_dumspirospero_

Question:So many different issues at once. Help?

Okay, so I'm a sophmore in college. My grades are decent, but I need really good grades because I'm here on scholarship money mostly, so I might not be able to come back to school next year. It's extremely hard to get motivated, because these are classes that I don't care about (they're general education requirements at my school). Also, my boyfriend has panic attacks and has tried to commit suicide. I don't know how to help him, and it feels horrible that all I can do is just sit there helplessly. Also, I don't want to talk to him about my problems because I don't want to put anymore burden on him. My abusive father has moved back into the area and has tried to make contact with me. My ex-boyfriend recently stalked me and is still talking to my friends about me. And the fact that I want to ease into sexual contact is causing problems in my current relationship. I can't talk to my mom because she would freak, and my best friend makes everyone else's problems her own, so I don't want to worry her. So...I guess I'm talking to you guys. Any advice??

Asked by _dumspirospero_ on 11/12/08 4 Answers»
NicoO2000

Answer:

I just wanted to reiterate that you shouldn't feel embarrassed about going to the school counselor. Most programs keep everything pretty discreet and you'd be surprised how many people seek help for a variety of challenges. The fact that you've been able to get to this point on a scholarship shows that you are a very gifted individual. Put the focus on yourself and your studies and everything else will fall into place.

Answered by: NicoO2000 on 11/14/08
eherzer

Answer:

Kristen has given you fantastic advice that will truly help you. You are going through a lot, but I am confident that you are a strong person, and the fact that you are on here seeking guidance is a great first step in the right direction for you. In order to take care of the people you care about you have to take care of yourself first, and then you will be in a better place to help others. Kristen is right, these years in school are so important and should be enjoyed and are a really important time in your life.

Biology does not make a father. I have no idea what you went through with your abusive father, but unless he has received help and you are comfortable that you are safe and he has completely changed you owe him nothing.

And, to your stalking boyfriend issue - please be careful and take care of yourself on that. I was stalked by an ex who threatened me with a gun and a knife on two separate times and I finally had to get a restraining order against him. It started out with harassing phone calls and became progressively worse - he seemed to become more empowered as I became more intimidated by him. Do whatever is necessary to be safe. Listen to your instincts on that.

I have been through a lot in my life and have had some experiences I was not sure I would survive, but in the end I am so much stronger, more confident and happy.

You deserve to be happy and loved and you deserve to have an amazing life

And, DO NOT EVER feel silly or embarrassed about seeking out help - especially from a college counselor who is there for that very reason.


Answered by: eherzer on 11/14/08
_dumspirospero_

Answer:

Thanks a lot Kristen. That was really helpful. I thought about going to the counseling center, but felt kind of silly and embarrassed when I went to look up the contact info. I am looking forward to my education classes and english classes though (I'm an english ed major). Anyways, thanks for your answer.

Answered by: _dumspirospero_ on 11/13/08
kristen

Answer:

Wow. That's a lot for anyone to deal with! First of all, thank you for sharing what you're going through. You're definitely not alone in wanting to "protect" others by not burdening them with your problems—but that's what community, friends and family are for!

Know that the most important thing is your physical, spiritual and emotional well-being. Having a good college experience will mean so much to you down the road. Your boyfriend needs serious professional help. YOU ARE NOT A PROFESSIONAL. You can love and support him, but doing so means encouraging him toward getting the help he needs.

I'm certain your school has a counseling center with trained counselors who are very good at these kinds of situations. Many times you can even go for free (its included in your tuition and fees.) Please check and see if that's an option, for one or both of you.

I honestly think you'd be more excited about school (even your gen ed classes) if you weren't playing counselor to your bf and keeping all your feelings inside. Take care of yourself, stay committed to school. You've only got another semester of the boring stuff before you really get to dig in to your major!! Remember that good times are coming. It's hard to see, I know, but you are strong and you can do this!

Answered by: kristen on 11/13/08
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