Hi, Howard! :) The fact that you're on this website, and willing to post is evidence that part of you is at least ready to entertain the idea of change - and that is a very big step in my opinion! :) I didn't even realize that I thought I felt helpless to change until the idea that I [ME!, I!] actually COULD change popped into my head after countless hours listening to podcasts. It snuck in subconsciously I suppose...I was surprised to hear myself believing it....so I just wanted to give you a big CONGRATS on your first step. It really is something to be applauded!
For me, change seemed to be in layers - my recommendation is to just keep exposing yourself to positive, motivating things, keep plugging in here, and follow that little voice that says things like, pick up this book, try this route to work instead today, take this step - eventually you'll notice your life really has changed and you'll be amazed. Hug. :)

Hi, Howard, I read your post and feel that you really want to change but you're there at the computer, arms crossed, with an attitude of saying: "no, no, it won't work". You probably know by now that attitude is everything and it's entirely up to you whether to create the life you really want or not. Start with small steps, whatever is less unconfortable for you. Going put under the sun, walking, engaging in some sport or activity, seeing people. Look inside, you have lots of time for investigating inside yourself and I'm sure you know what you'd like to do. There must be some dream 'down there' that you have forgotten...
My story is absolutely different. Life has imposed some very heavy changes on me: When my baby was born with Downs syndrome, my husband abandoned us, my mother was diagnosed with cancer and I had to leave my job to care for her and my disabled baby. (Yeah, I know it sounds like a TV film but it was my reality!). The things is I survived and grew stronger and hopefuly a better person. I wish the same to you!
I hope i could be of some help! Take care!
Monica

I hear you. I know exactly how you feel. Besides reading Arianne's book, I recently learned about vision boards through this blog: Link. I also clicked in the banner they have there for discover the Quantum method for Manifesting Your Dreams banner , got the program and started right away working on mine, and... OMG!! THE CHANGES!!!!
You will not believe it!

Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same.

I feel your "pain". Being a single woman, never married and w/out kids and little family, it is a struggle many do not truly understand. Also, my situation is similiar in the career path, but my health has improved due to a diagnosis almost 3 yrs ago, which I am correcting by walking daily and eating right along w/medication right now. This made me realize that if i was to continue living( and i can guarrantee i have had my doubts on my worth to this living world) i had to make some changes, small and insignificant they may be to others.
it is very hard to accept a new step out of your "comfy chair". I started with walking daily. i found that my depression( and you have depression!) lifted which made me realize that i could try some other small steps. For me that meant more study on diet regimen for my type 2 diabetes and then i continue to move forward.
I do still have bad days as anyone will, that is part of life on this planet. I try to do one thing positive a day now, or say something positive to someone daily or both.
One must find an acceptable way to continue on by at least doing something positive daily, cleaning out drawers, ironing, cleaning out a flower bed( if you have a yard) or simply getting outside in the sun and air for some time during the day.
Realizing i still have a long way to go to make my self better is overwhelming, and you are overwhelmed in your misery - I have been there and sometimes still wallow in it. some wallowing is OK but remember this, you can reach out to someone daily, even if it a store clerk or check out person at the grocery to be positive. you will find one day that it has made you feel better and ready for more good things!!
my father killed himself and he was healthy physically, and i know how depression works from both his story and my own - go to a place of worship if you feel comfortable with that and talk to the minister or priest, they listen to you and might offer some suggestions too. if not religious, there may be some free counseling as well.
as for helath insurance, i cobbled together some finally as i am self employed and it helps. never fear it will be better.

OOOPS!!! I would also like to mention~~being that you have come this far~~I would highly recommend that you pick up a copy of Ariane's Book "The First 30 Days".
This will also help you more than you could ever imagine!! Good Luck.