Founder – Chief Change Optimist – Author – Host – Speaker – TV/Radio Personality – Mentor
Ariane de Bonvoisin - Founder and Chief Change Optimist
Subscribe to Ariane's Blog RSS
Redbook

Read Ariane’s First30Days Column

Redbook magazine features monthly tips on different life change subjects.
Endorsement
Start Here

Sign up and receive my newsletter.

Full of inspiration and information to help change your life.

Recent Press

Ariane at the Oprah Conference This October

placeholder
Ariane will be a keynote speaker at the Oprah conference in South Africa this October.

Ariane Talks about Getting Unstuck

placeholder
Getting unstuck in life can depend equally on big and small changes.

Talk to Us

What change are you going through? Thinking of making?

(note that you will be helping others as your story will be shared on the site and all of us will try and help you)

Monishakti

Hello, Betty, I'm so moved by your pain. I have gone through divorce myself - more than once and i know how devastated it can be. When my son was born with Down's Syndrome, my husband left us becasue he couldn't cope with his disability. I was shattered. When the baby was 20 days old, my Mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. It was as if the world had collapsed around me and I was sure and positive that I would never smile again. However, I survived! And here i am, reaching out to you. I know my story sounds like a soap opera, but it's true. I went through a lot of suffering and I'm a counselor myself so I also understand what you say about seeking help in books, seminars, philosophies, meditation and what not. Yes, everything helps but the road to travel through pain is very private and it just hurts!!!
I'm offering you my friendship, if it can help. I'm leaving you my e mail so you can contact me if you feel like it.
monicathomas58@hotmail.com
You'll survive. Promise.
Monica

riasen2001

I hear you. I know exactly how you feel. Besides reading Arianne's book, I recently learned about vision boards through this blog: Link. I also clicked in the banner they have there for discover the Quantum method for Manifesting Your Dreams banner , got the program and started right away working on mine, and... OMG!! THE CHANGES!!!!
You will not believe it!

Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same.

vianne

Dear Betty,

Sometimes, resolution takes time and can even mean you resolve things for yourself - if you wait for answers from him, you could spend the rest of your life waiting and you already spent a couple of years waiting and even if you got 'the answer' you might not like it and it might not make any difference, so....

It is hard to let go if you don't have something more enlivening beckoning you to move in a new direction - those of us who have spent years focusing on another person (women especially are often socialised to over function in a relationship and loose touch with their unique selves) see mostly 'the other' as the focus of their life, then when change comes, uninvited, it is hard to let go because what else is there? On the other hand...this experience says that life knows you have a new life to live, one that can bring you happiness and fulfillment...spend some time dreaming and visualising what kind of life - for yourself- would you like to be living in 5 years time...give it as many details as you can and get in touch with the feelings of how it would be to live in a life that makes you, just you, happy and fulfilled...then work backwards and make the plan that will take you there...take the focus of him and the past and put it on YOU and NOW! I promise you, as you move in your own unique new direction you will begin to feel different and in 2 years time you will look back and most likely say - wow, life is good for me now...equally I can promise you if you stay focused on him and what was, you are most likely to stay with the experiences you are having - I say this with the deepest compassion and plenty of personal experience...and yes, the tears need to come and they will stop, especially when you step into doing some lively things for yourself - get and and go walking, look around and see what catches your eye and brings a smile...a little flower, the sound of birdsong, the sun on your skin...enjoy these simple pleasures and build on them - you can do it!

  • By vianne
  • on 3/27/10 7:49 AM EST
katinsc

Hey Betty! I have been in your shoes, and it DOES get better! I promise! It does take time and effort, but it is so worth it. They say you should allow 1 year of healing for every 5 years of the relationship before you get into a new relationship, that's not saying it will take that long for you to feel better. The divorcecare classes at my local church were a huge help to me (Link) as they put me in touch with others going through the same things I am, and they taught me that the feelings I was dealing with are completely normal. Everyone's timeline is different, but about 6 months after my ex left someone pointed out that I seemed less stressed and more at peace. I had realized one day that it had been 6 months, I had moved, was raising 3 kids on my own, found a job, and was surviving. Yes I was still struggling and in pain, but my world had not in fact ended when my marriage of 18 years did. You may never get the answers, because they lie with your ex and his issues, but you will find peace and joy again. Just put yourself and taking care of you first. You will get there! Sending you hugs and keeping you in my prayers : )

  • By katinsc
  • on 3/25/10 10:05 AM EST
twobrowneyes

Hi Betty, Hey, you are doing good--keep your head held up high with dignity and the woman whom you are. Let him go, and do not allow him to come back again--you do not own a revolving door--nor are you a desperate woman--right???!!! Betty, he made his bed, now let him sleep in it, he made his decision, now you let him go. It hurts, yes it does, but your pain and grieving are all a part of the healing process. I promise their is life after divorse (been there done that). You do not need his cell phone--get your own-show him how independent you are. I do not Believe that the healing process takes as long as you have read. Everything Begins when you "Finially Let Go"!!! You will see, even one year from now you will feel differently-thats a promise so mark your calender. You cannot hurry along the grief-you have to go with it in order to begin your "NEW" changes, the "NEW" YOU... Do read Ariane's book--The First 30 Days--its excellent its all about change. You are going to be just fine and you will be proud of yourself someday and say with a smile "I did it".....You are in my Prayers... Love and Light...