Hello, OHHHHH my gosh--been their, done that. Haven't we all fell for someone head over heals and they did not feel the same way--I personally myself felt like such a FOOL and yes cried my heart out for days upon days. However, we DO learn from the game of being a Fool, I know I have and will not act that way again for I am much more careful now and not so easily to fall prey. Shake yourself off, give yourself a hug, and move forward--simply learn from this experience which I am certain has helped you to grow within in many many ways. You will be just fine!! Love and Light...

Hi Nstagge,
Thanks for having the courage to share your story here, as I read could identify with and I am a guy, so your experience isn’t limited to women guys go through the same thing.

I have had this happen to me a couple of times and at one point use to ask the question why every woman I meet and like more than friends wants to be my friend. This was very frustrating for a longtime. I had a breakthrough about five years ago. There was this woman that I had met at an event and we became friends very quickly, she was Jewish and for Hanukah I decided that for the eight days of Hanukah I would write her a note everyday and it would have to do with what was special about her, she agreed to let me do this. So immediately I took that to mean that she was interested in me. For the first three days she was traveling and when she returned she had three emails waiting for her, she was extremely overwhelmed by the intensity of them, yet very flattered. I started to have visions of what our life would be like and how be going to see her and even moving to another state to live or have her move to my state and live happily ever after.
On the fourth day she called me to say that she wanted to talk me, I was nervous and excited all at the same time, she started out by saying how grateful she was to receive my messages and that she couldn’t wait till the next one came and that guy had ever done this for her before (While I am thinking to myself wow this is awesome) then came the part that I didn’t expect. She said I can’t but noticed that there is a romantic undertone in your messages. When she said that, the first thing I wanted to do was deny that was my intention and act like I didn’t know what she was talking about. I knew that if I didn’t own this time I would kill what had the potential to be a good friendship forever. So instead I took a deep breath and allowed that awful yucky feeling to descend into my body as I said yes that is my intention.

She then said to me that I was an amazing guy and that she just wanted to be friends and no more and that she didn’t want me to stop writing to her, at which point I was faced with a decision. My decision was to continue and give the gift and subsequently would become very good friends and our friendship moved to being a real friendship as we now had “Integrity” with each other. This was my first real lesson in being authentic with myself and others with my feelings. I was able to connect with her at much deeper level.

I didn’t give up and continued to meet women that I liked a lot and had this experience about four more times, before I truly got it and now they are some of my best female friends. The gift for me was being honest and up front about my feelings, I learned that the other person can’t guess what I am thinking and feeling that I actually have to let them know. I learn that I needed to be honesty otherwise I would create a fantasy in my head that was unrealistic. I found out that people really appreciate honesty and it doesn’t put them in an awkward spot to try not to hurt my feelings. I also learned that I needed to love myself more and have integrity.

And I had days where I made a complete fool of myself and wanted to stay in bed and cry my heart out, because I desperately wanted someone to love.
So I offer you this, keep writing in your journal so you can get your feelings out, and then start to write about what your dream guy is like. This will help to create a blue print for you. You have not fallen from grace, you have had a glimpse of what it feels like to love and that’s a gift and with every glimpse you get closer. Pray and ask for clarity and strength. Yes you are angry, that is normal. Hurt well that’s a function of the meaning you give the experience; you can always change the meaning anytime you wish.

It’s been almost two years now that my girlfriend and I have been together and it has been one of the most satisfying relationships that I have ever had and I believe that my previous experiences helped me in finding such a good match.

So don’t give up cause Mr. Amazing is out there looking for you and he can’t find you if you give up.

Sending you courage and strength
Garth

Hi...gosh, we've all been here!!! Every woman has a similar story to this so you're not alone, I promise.

See if you can see what has happened as a movie, detach from the drama of it...you are simply witnessing a new part of the story and you dont know how its going to end. Your mind/ego is trying to be right, its trying to figure it all out- make this permanent, make you feel bad.
Here is what i know- something good will come from all this. It always does.

Another thing. Love feels best when its returned...so yes, maybe you did love him. But the greatest of loves is when you feel safe, when you feel accepted, when you feel understood in the arms of your beloved. This man was never that for you. I promise you, there is a man who is that person for you. He is waiting, looking, longing, hoping to meet you as well.
When we spend time with someone other than that, we arent available for a man who does want us as a girlfriend. Better to know soon. Thats always a good thing!

yes your ego is hurt, it feels rejected, it wants to have its way. But you are not your ego, you are a beautiful, powerful, resilient woman. Dont give your power away like this, take it back. Say to yourself, I am taking my power back.

Life has something else planned for you...its on your side, it knows what its doing and why this happened....its clearing the way maybe for something new.

Here's my advice- start taking care of your health, exercise..get back into your body and out of your mind...
get those emotions flowing...Its harder to feel shame or sadness when youre moving...you will feel better about yourself when youre taking good care of you. Be gentle on yourself and light on life.

Feel the sadness, the pain, welcome them up....but remember, you are not the sadness or the shame...if you allow them to come up, label what they are and then dont resist, dont judge yourself, dont speed this up coz its uncomfortable...this too shall pass.

The opposite to shame is honor- honor the experience, honor that you shared your truth
The opposite to fear is faith-faith that something good will come from this situation, faith in life, faith in yourself...

ask yourself these questions
-what's the gift in this?
-what can i learn?
-how can i find some humor in this?

Give it some time....have no expectations about how this is going to unfold....just continue watching the 'film' having no idea what the next scene is..be fascinated...dont take it personally....put your attention on doing something for someone else. that always helps move through a tough time....

Sending you some love and peace through all this
Ariane

hi, nstagge.. i've been in ya shoe before. relaxed yaself and sure you will feel better. make ya self busy with works or ya other friends. have more fun and laughter with ya gf. and one day you will find ya self that actually you have forgotten him. dont stress ya self. there're still many mans out there queue-ing to be ya friends and be with you. not only him and also think back wad worth of you thiking of him wen his enjoying himself with others. so you go girl!!!! be happpy and concentrate on wad you doing.. have fun.. lastly dont feel guilty. you did nothing wrong. my experience even worst!!!i was too drunk till i knelt down infront of crowd and beg him to like me and his reply was the same as him. really making myself as a fool. cheer up sweetie. enjoy ya life..