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What change are you going through? Thinking of making?
(note that you will be helping others as your story will be shared on the site and all of us will try and help you)
The Love of my life...just a muse?
My story is unique simply because I am now looking at it from an altered state of mind. A place of peace that is very sacred to me. I am 22 years old and have had my ups and downs, but I have always known I have this awesome ability to love and love completely. I started late in the date scene due to religious practices and really didn't get comfortable around men until college, which is not rare, but was still a hindrance to me. I dated two men steadily before I found Matt. A body builder...and my first. I feel for him like a brick. He was funny and out-going not to mention handsome. We dated for several months before committing to a relationship. When I started dating Matt, I was in the throws of an eating disorder. Back then it was hard just feeling human. I couldn't do what everyone else seemed to be doing...enjoying life. But Matt was something solid and steady for me. I had never had that in my life at least not at the time. When I started expressing my love for him, that's when I finally stopped being afraid. For so long I didn't want to trust myself let alone anyone close to me. He allowed me freedom and peace of mind. I was so excited that I gave everything I could into the relationship. Call me a fool, but it gradually feel apart due to my ability. I knew this would happen you see because I wasn't being my true self when i started dating him. It was only after we separated that I realized I had become Lily again. And now without a doubt I can say I love myself. I love my body. I love my health. Matt may not have been the one for me, but he gave me back the ability to love and for that I will always love him.
Shared by: lholle6 on 8/29/09
I can relate to your story completely. I too never allowed myself to get close to anyone, especially a man. Then I met a man 5 years ago that changed my life. He opened my eyes completely. Although we were only friends, I could feel that if the situation was different - he & I could have become more. But it was not meant to be....we lost contact just recently, and I miss him very much but thank him from the bottom of my heart for teaching me so much about myself...he is and always will be my `refuge`....thank you for sharing your story....
I totally know where you're coming from! Through a very painful break-up I was able to discover sooo much about who I was and what I wanted to change about myself. At the time, I was shocked and amazed by the adoration my ex gave me. I really couldn't fathom loving myself, unless it was through his eyes and with his re-assurance. But that was me at 22. Now at 25, I'm think I'm finally where you are at 22, so I'm happy for your growth and maturity.
Hang in there, I think making the decision to be yourself and love that person is truly the best change one can make.