It has been several years since my divorce and looking back I wish I had done things differently. We did share an attorney to minimize the cost but he was not a divorce attorney. If your separation is amicable, I would suggest a mediator you could help you balance the assets so that it is fair on both sides. If this is not that friendly you may have to go the route of a divorce attorney who will hopefully look out for your interests but not allow you to be taken to the cleaners. As far as your colleagues, depending on your relationship with them it should be a non-issue but an additional support for you. Hope this helps.

Thanks for the kind words.. "the worst thing and the best thing".
I find it hard to get my head around the idea that it can be the best thing, as there seems to be so much to get through right now and so much to worry about. i will check out Suze Orman,.. thank you J

Glad that my post was helpful, John. Take it one day at a time, one hour at a time. Suze Orman shared some great advice in one of her books. She said that during divorce, it is important to monitor how you feel on a scale of 1-10 every hour. 10 being the best, 1 being the worst, I believe. If your are below a 5, don't make any important decisions, as you're really not in the frame of mind to do so. Please make sure to take very good care of yourself right now. Really nurture yourself, like you would someone very precious to you. Because, you are very precious. No one truly knows or understands what you are going through right now, because they don't live in your skin, they don't feel as you feel, and know what you know. As I mentioned in my earlier message to you, this will be the worst thing that you will have to endure in your life. Everything will change. And yet, John, it will also be the very best thing that will happen to you. Many, many blessings to you on this journey! Barbara

Thanks for your supportive message which brought some misting over to my eyes.
I'm new to this site and have never posted a message of any type on any website.. so it seems strange and yet good to get feedback.
I have seen the SEED message which I will certainly try to follow. I have started to read everything I can on how I can move on. Recently I have had some "mini changes" in coming gradually to accept there is no way back and have found a support group last week and a lawyer. While this is good and people say you will get through it.. It does at times seem awfully hard to face daily life , with the uncertainty about our house , future and to work with other colleagues who do have appear to have such cares. J

Hi John, Sorry to hear of this very difficult challenge. My divorce was finalized almost three years ago. I was your age when we separated and had been married for 22 years. This is a time for you to take very good care of yourself. Follow Ariane's SEED advice. Walking became my daily therapy session. I refrained from getting the children involved, and was careful what I shared with friends and family. You will find that people will avoid you because of what you are going through. Read as much as possible. I love Ariane's site. Also read "Broken Open" and as many other books that you can get your hands on. My lawyer told me that divorce can help one to create an incredibly wonderful life on the other side. She was absolutely right. Am I friends with my former husband? No. When I see him 1x a week for his visitation time with my 17 year old son, I say a prayer of Thanksgiving that I am no longer married to him. I am grateful for my new life. My children and I are at peace and we have carved for ourselves wonderfully heartfelt relationships. No, I am not dating. I want to heal and raise my children. I support you on this journey, which is undoubtedly the most challenging that you will ever have to navigate. As far as assets are concerned, make sure that you have a complete list of everything that you and your spouse owned together during the marriage. Depending on the state, this would be divided 50/50, unless you agree to something else. Your spouse may also be eligible for spousal support in addition to child support. Find yourself a lawyer that you feel comfortable with, but make sure that you do your own homework. Don't depend on the lawyer to do everything for you. I was meticulous in that area, and left no stone unturned. Someone gave me some great advice during my divorce process. She said to make sure that I receive everything that I am entitled to and not settle for the sake of peace, because if you settle, 5 years down the road, you will have your regrets. I am proud to say that I have no regrets. Yes, you see a side of your spouse right now that is not very pretty. She will see a side of you that is not very pretty as well. Don't just roll over and let her have everything. Make sure that you maintain your respect and dignity. Sending you much support during this difficult time. Barbara